Journal 370 - Australia

Over a year has passed.
This morning I was looking through old photos, the kind which used to bring me a kind of sadness. But today I looked at them and remembered what was good. Not in a way that meant I wanted that life back, but in a way that meant I was happy that I had good memories, that I could keep hold of the good ones without letting the bad ones cloud it anymore.

Last night I changed my hair colour. This might not seem that monumental to some of you, but for me, my hair colour has always had a huge impact on me. How I'm feeling, what I do, who I am to an extent. about eighteen months ago, all I wanted to do was be a blonde. I felt it would be a great way to get rid of who I was at that time. To start afresh and be somebody I hadn't been for almost three years. We all go through those phases. Well I went through the transition of dark, to red to ginger to blonde. So finding myself took a fair few attempts and bottles of dye. but it happened. Then a few weeks ago, I decided change was on its way again. I was in fact attempting a trick I had read on Google, to make my hair a permanent shade of lilac. However after leaving the dye on for a little too long I have ended up with dark, plum coloured hair.

I'm not worried about the mistake at all. In fact, I think its better that I lost track of time and ended up with a result I was't expecting. I suit being dark. I'm happier and more confident with dark hair. In the last few weeks as a blonde, I had started to notice my self esteem issues were becoming more apparent. I was realising they were there, which is never a good sign. I suppose you might think I'm silly for that way of thinking, but whatever, I decided a confidence boost was in order.

Then last night my housemate came in from work and decided she was going to give me a makeover and photo-shoot. Which was fun. She fascinates me with what she can do with a make-up brush. Its made me realise I could certainly put more effort into my own appearance. This coupled with a conversation I had with Jay, about life goals and dreams I have thought more about studying. To follow my passion again with Special Effects/ Stage Make-up. I may be 24 now, but it's never too late to learn new things. And if these learning curves are the beginning of following your dreams then there is even more reason to do it.

I'm beginning to feel like I'm getting closer to what I set out to do in the first place; finding my place and goals. Finding my passion. Being on my own has helped that. You can only go along with somebody else's plan for so long. If you don't make time for what you want, eventually you forget. Don't make it too late before you are reminded of it and start thinking along the lines of 'What If'. Nobody wants to be resented . Be who you are and be loved by people who encourage the growth of who you are.