I'm certain I'm not the only one. Being ambitious can sometimes be a right pain in the backside. When you spend so much of your time working towards something and you get super close to the final goal it's actually more frustrating than when you first set out to achieve it. Like something in the world doesn't want you to succeed and keeps throwing petty obstacles in the way of what you want.
It just seems that the slow struggle is just getting longer and longer. I am currently trying to figure out so many little problems in my head that the closer I get the further I am from any kind of solution. None of the problems are particularly bad ones, just annoying niggly things that require excuses that tend to be the same over and over again, but still never being any less true. Like when somebody asks you why you didn't meet a deadline. It's genuinely because you had to drive miles across the country to visit a sick aunt and care for them, but this has happened for the last three deadlines and now you're getting worried that the other person just thinks you're crying wolf.
Me being ever the optimist I'm trying to look for the silver lining. For example, my week has been great in that I just landed a great new job, working in a Day Spa. The plus sides to this are of course extra money, coming home smelling of essential oils and feeling relaxed and serene. Plus I'll have experience in a Nationwide company that could open all sorts of doors. My only issue right now is the training I need to get to on Monday morning. It's in the city and I have to be there at 9.30, the first bus leaves at 7 from where I am and won't get me in on time. Trivial I know! But I simply have to get there. I'll get into trouble otherwise. I know it will work out and I will get there. I have an over active imagination though and am thinking of all the best possible ways I could get there. Flying in on a dragon has been one of them. So you see worry does the strangest things to my brain cells.
I know it's time to take a deep breath and think logically about my situation I'm sure by doing that I will come to a great conclusion and all will be perfect. I tend to over think on these occasions and believe the worst could happen... Like going to the city on a dragon, that thing is clearly going to toast me and eat me for breakfast. If I'm calm though I'll instead be able to tame the dragon and end up having a really cool pet.
I am super excited for this new venture though, it really couldn't come soon enough. I'm already running before I can walk and thinking of all the possibilities this job is going to hold for me. I'm hoping for great things. Experience being the priority for now. I've learnt that things don't always come that easily and working from the bottom is what you have to do. Part of me feels that at 24 I should already be there and shouldn't be making tea and taking bookings and all the grotty jobs. I'm qualified it's on paper. But paper and ink means nothing really. Of course legally its very handy but most employers are looking for you to have experience. And you only get that by making tea. Apparently. Still I'm grown up and mature now, I understand that this is the way of life. Start slowly and work hard for your ambition. I have the patience and drive now to put up with the little things. In the grand scheme I know that people will appreciate my tea and coffee making skills.
At least I know what it is I want to do in life now.The's one thing I can tick off the list. I've found my happy, all I need is to make it a permanant fixture in my life. I know people of all ages who still have no clue. Flitting from dream to dream to find the right fit. It doesn't matter when you find the right dream, so long as when you do find it, you stick to it and never give up. All you need is to believe in yourself. They are your goals and your only job is to look after them and keep them alive. A phrase I love in life is 'Shoot for the moon, even if you miss you'll land in the stars...' Even if you don't get to exactly where you want to be you'll still end up higher than you were at the start. And that's better than staying in the same place. Besides, Maybe the moon is where you want to be, but the stars are where you might just need to be.
So here I am for the second time in nine months realising that no matter what different things I try to do, I'm going to end up in the career I have always really known to be the the one I'll do for life. There is no point in denying this to myself and trying to fit into somewhere that I am simply going to 'make do' with. Now I've been granted to right to know what makes me happy in life I'm going to take it by the horns and run with it. I expect I might have a few hiccups along the way. Or a few breaks but now my mind is no longer searching for what I want I can put my heart into it fully and and start mapping out the details of the next steps.
Bring it on life.
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