Options and Choices

Oh dear.
I'm not on one of the best ones today. I'm up and down and all over the place. I'm not sure why. I've been having such a busy few days I should barely have had time to think about how I feel really. But this holiday has led me down more of a 'thinking about stuff' path than I wanted.

I have done so much this week, I'm exhausted. Maybe that it why my head is running wild. I don't have the energy to stop it from thinking about all the things I can normally control. Turn off. Not worry about. And I'm not sure I like it.

Some of the things in my head have been wonderful. And the point is, I'm on a road of discovery. I'm finding myself. I'm not really much closer to it but I'm getting there. I think. I had a conversation with a friend, regarding business. And we've always said we'll do it. It's just that I'm not sure what I want.
Do I want to be self employed. A successful business woman, alongside a wonderful and dear friend.
Or do I want to work my way up in my current field. Excel in that and not have to worry so much about all the junk like overheads and stock costs?

I'm always wondering to myself why on earth I completed a course and then never got into the field in full swing. I've always dabbled. But never fully committed. Partly because I've never been given the chance and partly because I'm too lazy to allow anyone to give me the chance. Another problem I have is that I am unable to let things happen in their own time. I want things and I want them NOW. I want to be amazing at something that I have been doing for 10 minutes.

It doesn't work like that. Things take time to flourish. Practise makes perfect and all that. I haven't gotten to the real decision making point just yet. I'm damn close. I must be as I have at least realised that there is a decision to be made. An option to pick. I suppose I will always be worried about whether I've done the right thing. Aren't we all. Isn't there always a little hint of doubt in the back of our minds.

But if we had a looking glass that helped us see into the future before we made that crucial choice, life would be boring. The right thing to do is just to focus on what we want in our lives, at that moment in time, and strive for it. Things might change along the way. Its part of growing up.
When I was at school, I wanted to be a teacher. Or in some sort of child care. Now though, small children scare me and make me want to run a mile.

Taking a few baby steps to bring things into focus is a start for me. I'm not ready to take a huge leap just yet. I'm not ready to face the things in my head. I'm not ready to tell all the things that I probably should do. I'm too scared. I'm not ready to be let down by something so huge. Something that could possibly mean the world to me. I'm not ready to be broken just yet.

I'll leave the things out that I want to say. Just for now. It doesn't matter. When the time is right, I will be brave. I will open myself up.

For now I will bring in the other things I need. And not the things I want.

~IAY~

Public Transport and the joys of People Watching

Today has been one of those days. A lot has happened in what feels like a very small space of time. It has been a long, but equally short day.

One minute I was in bed, thinking about getting up and beginning my day. The next I was up and actually doing my day. It's funny how sometimes life can be like that isn't it? There are days which just go by so so slowly and others that seem to just zoom by. Is that something to do with our mood do you think? I have no idea. All I know was that today was one of those days in the latter category.

 I was up at around 6 am; I am staying on a small island where the ferries leave early and is around 2 hours from the city of Brisbane. So an early start was needed if I wanted to make anything out of the day. After getting to grips with my sea legs, I jumped on a bus. This is where I really began to people watch - A favorite hobby of mine. All sorts of different people joined me on the journey. It was strange to think that these people's paths would even cross at all. Even though just for a short bus journey. I love a bit of diversity though. It keeps things interesting. Which is very important for the spices of life.
One character caught me though. He was very quirky. He had clearly just become smitten with somebody. It was apparent by the way he held is phone a mere 3 inches from his face (this annoyed me, I'm not sure why) and had that stupid smile on his face. You know that one... And I thought how funny it is the way we make it so damn obvious that we have fallen or are in the process of falling from someone. I could tell this kid had and he was a complete stranger.
He also did a funny little 'chair jig' to whatever music he was listening to. Incredibly amusing.

After my people watching though, I did find myself in the City. Another place where I hadn't really known what I was expecting, but was in utter awe of.
 The buses are on an underground system, which is fabulous for avoiding city traffic. There are statues and sculptures on almost every corner. And the street entertainment was awesome too. Watching a guy sit and make spray painted master pieces was a great way to end the day.

I did also manage to enjoy my first City beverage today too. Sitting in the center of the promenade with a cold Rekorderlig Cider on ice. Enjoying the moment with a few friends and taking in all there was.

Plus being a tourist, I did make a trip to the tourist information. The lady in there was lovely, so interested in what the plans were and giving plenty of help and recommendations too. And of course, I had to do a little more of what I do best... Shopping!
I had realized my outfits where not really suited to the heat here. It was an investment, honestly. And the lovely girl in one store, who reminded me somewhat of Paloma Faith, (Even her face resembled) was really sweet. I'm not sure I could work with her all day. I think shes a tad too eccentric, even for me. But in a small dose, she was adorable!

But this was where my day was made the most I think...

Two girls in the shopping center, in a row, commented on my hair. Correctly.
I have been waiting for somebody to say it of their own accord and today it happened.
'I'm loving your Mermaid hair.' and Oh my 'God it looks like My Little Pony!'.

I think I love Brisbane.

Three States Two Days.

Taking it slowly, that's the way.

After a quick rest back at the Home Base on Sunday night, it was time to get back on the road on Monday morning. I was excited. The previous adventure had barely finished and I was already raring to go for the next one. A quick change in suitcase contents was needed. The two locations are very different. Once this was done, I said goodbye to the puppies, and of course my brother-in-law and was on my way with my lovely travel buddy.

So we set off on our adventure. It felt good to be on the road again. I was seeing wonderful things and smelling new air once more. It was divine. We took  a few wrong turns and went in the wrong direction. But it didn't matter. We were still getting to where we were going. Slowly, but that was OK too. All the better to open our eyes and see all there was. We even managed a stop off to see some of the natural delights along the scenic route. The rock formation 'The Three Sisters' being one. I was also beginning to notice it was starting to warm up the further north we traveled. I'm glad we were doing this gradually. We checked in at our first stopover to refresh ourselves ready for the next leg of travel.

A bright and somewhat early start for Road Trip Day two. I began the day a little more quietly than I had yesterday. It became apparent once we stopped for breakfast that this was down to the fact I had not had my morning coffee fix. As soon as I was fueled up there was no shutting me up. I was ready to go and even offered my driving skills. Not before a little stop at the beautiful Japanese gardens.

How tranquil. I decided that once I had found the place I was to settle, that my garden would not be too dissimilar to this one. Just maybe not with the Koi Carp included. Stunningly graceful, but my goodness do they scare the crap out of me! However, Fish or not, I was glad to have wandered around this place. The atmosphere almost sent me to Japan itself. It was called the Sensory Gardens and it was obvious why. An utter delight to be there.
I also laid on a gecko (note, gecko not real. It was a wooden carving, no need for alarm)

After this though, it was time for me to get in the car and test my driving skills. I didn't do too bad a job, considering I'd never driven in this car before. We did encounter one impatient driver. He was even ill-mannered enough to give me the finger as he drove past. A few words came to mind for him that I would rather not utter(type) on a blog site. I wouldn't want anyone to think badly of me after all. But honestly, he deserved my cursings!

We also made a stop at a small crystal museum. Not as exciting at the Gardens, but a good chance to stretch the legs none the less. And it was still getting considerably hotter. It looks like I am finally due my summer after a very very very long wait. I think Mother Nature will be making up for it too. Welcome to Queensland, average temperature; 38 degrees.


I'm not sure I will survive.

Ending Where I Started

I got let loose on my own. It really wasn't that bad at all. I gave myself a plan. To find the Victoria Market. The day was a success all round I think. But a little more about it.

I started off the day in my hostel room, determined not to make my way toward the McDonalds that is conveniently situated across the road. I wanted to have something different, something that wasn't on the High street at least. I even decided to walk into the city a different way. Instead of turning left at the traffic lights, I followed them straight on (rebellious, I know). But that route looked so pretty and I hadn't taken it before. As it turned out, the route I took was the 'back way'. Simply just the other side of the Casino that I walk past normally. Well, at least I wasn't lost!

Then I took myself on lefts and rights at random intervals, leading me up a street that was full of little cafes all serving breakfast. You could say it was all just going to plan wonderfully. I knew what I wanted, it was all about the pastries. I stopped off at a juicing bar, selling Ham and cheese Croissants and Pain Au Chocolat. The staff were so friendly and I even forgave that my Mocha was not to taste. The food itself was delicious!

I made my way to Flindlers Street, and perched myself on what I guess must just be the Square. It was a great atmosphere and the sun being out just made it even better. So my next port of call was to find the Market. It took me about an hour and a half, turning this way and that way and going back on myself a few times. But I found it eventually. To be honest, I was enjoying my own company that much I really didn't mind. I was just happy taking everything in, at my own pace.The market was like any other, Deli counters, Fruit and vegetables and of course the general market tat! 

Then I didn't really know what to do, so for the rest of the day, I wandered the city. I must've walked the same block around 20 times. I stood looking out at some of the building opposite me, watching some street entertainment. In fact I even got chatting to the guy. I should have known there was an ulterior motive behind this though. Its always awkward when a friendly chat becomes and in depth conversation about the devastation of the Great Barrier Reef and the coal that is slowly destroying it. (see at least I took it all in). A very clever way of getting peoples attention though.

Later in the evening, I did manage to make it out for a few drinks. Back to the roof top bar where my City experience began. The place was even better at night time. As with most of the city. Its a different kind of hustle and bustle. People are out doing what they enjoy. Letting their hair down. The music is funkier. The city at night time is my favorite time. 

I departed ways from my friend, and began to make my way home. It took me a few hours and two wrong trams but I got home in the end. Proving that all roads lead you in the right direction eventually. So after walking up the very street I had begun the day on, I had never been so glad to fall into bed. 

It was a great day to get lost in the City. 

Two Dollar Peep Shows and China Town

What an incredible couple of days so far. I am now in the city of Melbourne.
I had no idea what to expect before I arrived here. People told me I would love it here. I was doubtful. I'm not a city girl. Not in the slightest. I enjoy it for a little while, but the crowds and the rush put me off, especially in a place like London.

But that's not what Melbourne is at all. There is no feeling of being in 'The Rat Race'. It isn't enclosed or confined. The whole layout is totally spacious. Sure the streets in the main city are busy, but nobody is in too much of a rush. People acknowledge each other. They even make eye contact on the trains and other public transport.

I began my trip by getting very very lost, going in the wrong direction and holding up the afternoons plans by a few hours. Typical tourist. I am just lucky to know people here. I was taken to some great places last night. The first stop was a rooftop bar. There was a great atmosphere and some awesome views. Was great to catch up with people too. I could just imagine the feel of the place if there was a live band or the movie night that they hold there. Then it was onto bar number two. A place that was basically just a few fridges full of booze, on what seemed to be an old courtyard. There were plenty of quirky statues to decorate this place. And the wall art was pretty spectacular too. Then as the evening drew in more and more, the fairy lights came on changing the atmosphere once more.
Both places seemed very indie, almost a bit grimy. But in a good way. There were no expectations, everybody was just there for the same reason. A few drinks and making memories with people they loved.

China town was another delight. I tired dumplings for the very first time, which are delicious. Then more drinking, still in China town. A bar called ' The Asian Beer'. Straight and to the point. It was all very exciting here, a Chinese dragon show passed through the bar, which was very unexpected for a Thursday night, but added to the experience. It was just one of those evenings that didn't really need a plan but just went so incredibly smoothly. A spontaneous event. Ahh, I also forgot to mention about the peep show... Yes, I'm serious. This is what happens on these unplanned nights. You end up doing silly things like going in to $2 peep shows. You only live once though right? Whats that saying... When in Rome?? Well I'm in Melbourne and I might as well just go with the flow.

And today I have worn myself out by more wandering in the city. This time around I pretended like I wasn't a tourist. I thought people might take me more seriously if they though I was a local. We found a very cute little French restaurant, complete with servings of chocolate crepes and Croque Monsieur. I'm not sure the waitress was authentic French or if she just put the accent on to make us think we were in Paris.  But the service was delightful, real or not. What counts is the effort.

 And despite being a little sleepy and ready for bed, I am enjoying the city life. Its not as much of a shock to the system as I had thought it might be. Maybe its because people are friendly here. Maybe its just because I'm in awe of the skyscrapers and bridges, especially at night time. Its funny how a city comes to life even more when all the streetlights come on. It's going well. I'm not nearly as much of a wreck as I supposed I would be.

I'm looking forward to sightseeing tomorrow with no guides. Just me and my very poor sense of direction. Wish me Luck.
I'm going to need it!

Into the City

So today my new adventure starts again. Today I am an official 'Backpacker'. No need for a suitcase now, everything I'm supposedly going to need is fitting into my Tardis-like Rucksack. I've even packed my straighteners.

It seems after my episode yesterday 'Day One off the Hill' I am now incapable of leaving behind the 'luxuries'. I actually think I've done well, given that I am packing for four days in a city that literally has four seasons in a day. So much so I may have been a little hasty to wave goodbye to the snow when I did on Tuesday night.

But I am so excited to be doing this on my own. Getting on a train, travelling across two states in one day and then trying to find my hostel in a huge city I've never been to. I'm not even quite sure what I expect this place to look like. The place I'm in now is supposed to be a city. And it's nothing like what I would have thought. But I'm happy because this is my adventure. I do have two amazing friends there to help me, sightseeing, shopping and probably drinking (did I hear cocktails in the city!?)

But what gets me is that for the second time since I decided to pack up for a year and begin my travels, somebody has asked me if I'm nervous about it. Well, I'm not really. I'm excited. Yes of course it's something a bit scary, leaving what you know and just throwing yourself into the unknown, but I'm the one who decided to do it. Nobody pushed me into this. I booked the flights, I packed my case (actually that one did take some pushing... Thanks Miss W ;) ). But it was ultimately my choice. Maybe because I sort of know where I'm going and where I'm heading I don't need to feel nerves. Nerves only come with a fear of the unknown.

Maybe these people just have some fears of their own that they are trying to put across. Maybe they were even just trying to find some common ground with me during a conversation. I don't know what it is. I just feel like it's not such a big deal to do all these things anymore.
The big deal is all the things I've seen and done. In all honesty I could come to a new country and stay in a hotel room for 365 days.
There is no fun in that.

Today is the day I spread my wings. Today is the day I am independant again. By this evening, I could well be a sniveling wreck but I don't know that yet. Even though I do still feel a little like Bambi trying to walk, it's all part of the learning curve. But it is not the time for nerves. Only for opening your eyes, seeing all there is and taking everything in.

Otherwise how on earth will I ever be able to run?

Change for the Best

It's all getting a little bit more exciting. Tonight is my last night at Mount Hotham. Tomorrow I begin new adventures. As fun as this has been I will be glad to finally have something exciting to write about. Especially about my travels, after all that's the main thing I wanted to write about. But for someone who is a travel blogger I've not done much travelling. 

I know this part has all been the means to fund the travelling, and it has been a great experience in itself. I have met wonderful people, some of whom I am certain will be lifelong friends, even at a distance. Plenty of excuses to visit areas of the country I may not have done before. Hotham has been a wonderful place to start. I'm not really sure what plans I would have made if I hadn't come here. And temperature wise I'm definitely working my way up the thermometer. My previous thoughts of 'Travel Envy' have since passed. Now I'm about to begin my own journey I am happy for those who are off to different corners of the world. I'm excited for whats in store for me. I'm looking forward to hearing their tales, whetting my own travel appetite. 

I am of course, currently procrastinating from the packing I really should be doing. Its just a bit difficult to imagine wearing summer dresses and flip-flops when all I can see outside is rain and small patches of snow, which get smaller with every word I type.  But the thought of sand between my toes and the taste of creamy gelatos does spur me on. I think the lack of Vitamin D has taken effect. Luckily the dreaded 'Mountain Arse' has not. Despite the amount of chocolate, cakes and other delicious food types I have eaten to make up for lack of sunshine, I have done well not to get ridiculously large.

Hotham has been an up and down experience. I guess you'd kind of figure considering I'm on an isolated mountain for four months straight. I've finally learnt how to snowboard. I maybe haven't gotten out on the slopes as much as I would have liked, though I have improved so much since I first started. I have had some great evenings with fabulous people. I have lived somewhere with the most incredible backdrops and sunsets. I have even begun to believe that any temperature between 7 and 12 degrees is 'hot'. I have been doing something in Australia I didn't even think existed. The Victorian Alps have been pretty good to me. Proving that this country really does have everything. 

I still have many different things to encounter here. I've kickstarted the adventure beautifully. I now have what I need to continue and find everything else that Australia has to offer. It's time to move on and I am so ready for it now. In the last four months I have changed in such an amazing way. I was so wary of everything here. I wasn't even sure if what I was doing was right. I was homesick. I was scared. I was a lot of things. 

Now I understand that life is there to be lived. Life is there to be a positive experience. Life is all about what you make of it. I know these are all such cliches, but they are also so so true. I think that maybe whatever comes tomorrow and on wards will change me even more. And I cannot wait. If I feel this much better now, Who knows just how great those changes will be in another six months.

I don't know what is going to happen. But I know that it will be good. 

The Contagion of Happiness

I don't know why, but this morning I have just woken up in such a great mood.
It may have something to do with the glorious sunshine that is currently shining through my window, topped off with the background of snow on the mountains. But it is so refreshing. I'm totally motivated to get out and do great things today. I want the world to know how great it is to feel it right now, I want to share it with me.

I don't think there is a lot of point in being uptight or negative anymore. Especially not with all the bad things it can bring. People smile a lot less these days.I understand that we can't be happy all the time, but is that really so? Is there not a silver lining in everything. People are too wrapped up in things like facebook and instagram and taking stupid selfies with ridiculous duckfaces. I'm guilty of it, I admit i love a good selfie every now and then. It makes you feel good. But why does a stupid pout make you seem so 'sexy'. It's not really that attractive. I mean a REAL pout is divine, but the ones these 12 year olds use is just silly.

But in my good mood frame I decided to post a selfie on my own Instagram account this morning. It was simply a picture of me smiling, captioned 'The sun is shining, I'm happy, my hair smells of summer. People should smile more. Happy Sunday people.' I'd like to hope that this will make people smile should they see it. I'm trying to spread the love. I'm trying to be a natural person. A real person. I've even noticed a few celebrities doing away with selfie shots in the last few weeks. Instead they are embracing the stupidity of it and taking what is known as a 'Cat Selfie' and they are hilarious. And cute. So maybe now celebrities are jumping off this bandwagon, the rest of society will join in.

But I'm very glad to be in the mood I'm in today and I want to feel like it more often. To take more pictures with a smile on my face. And if i am 'Duckfacing' I will be doing it with a bunch of friends having a good time and all of us are pulling ridiculous faces, just because it's fun.After all, if we all smiled more I'm pretty sure it would catch on. Our moods are contagious. You can bring a whole room of people right up just through being happy and content. The way we perceive ourselves has a strong influence on others. If we love and our content in our own skin, others will be happy to be around us too.

So today, why not smile at a stranger. Wake up and say 'Today is going to be a great day'. I'm sure you'll see a difference in your days routine. Look up. Breathe in the air around you. Open your eyes to a new reality.

It's in front of you. Take it.

It's all falling into Place

Thy said it would all come together.

And it has begun to. I have only six months left to travel this beautiful country. I've been panicking about how I'm going to do it all. However in the recent weeks plans have begun to form. From one plan another branches and so on. I already have two trips planned. One in the city being posh and the 'lady what do lunch' type scenario and the next one a road trip way up to the other end of the country, then back down again along the coast before once again hitting the city. And I'm going to be getting all that done in under a month. It's so exciting.

See, when you want to do something, you can. You just do it. During this trip I think one of the best things I can do is just say yes. If the opportunity sounds too good to miss, then why miss it? I've got nothing to lose here because it is all an adventure.

I've noticed that once you start to let go, to stop worrying so much everything is so much better. Since I stopped thinking about timelines and deadlines for seeing things and going to certain places I've found it's been so much easier to organize. Being a bit more carefree really helps when you're on the road. When you stop thinking about all the things you might not see, you start seeing things that you wouldn't have. The little things that make the experience even better.

In the past I would go on family holidays. My mum was never one to stick to guidebooks or tourist routes. We would forever be getting lost in little towns to stumble across the best attractions. Markets in the street, festivals, or some beautiful view in the middle of nowhere. And they were the best holidays I had. I think I'd be wise to do this while I'm off travelling on my own. Be a bit more curious to wander left instead of right. I've always believed that all roads lead to somewhere, and you can never get truly lost.

My travels should be fearless. After all, as I've said before, I'm writing my story here and I want it to be worth reading. An adventure book that is so thrilling that you don't want to put it down. You don't want it to end. I don't want to write a half-hearted chapter. That would just mean I hadn't put my all into that part. Like I couldn't be bothered. It would almost be like an anti-climax. One of those cop-out endings like '...they woke up and it was all a dream'. Sure I might not write in a style that is everybody's cup of tea, but you can't please everybody. Just like I probably won't go and visit places that you might. No matter what I do from here, when people ask me about what I did there is bound to be somebody that asks 'did you go to so and so' and I shall say 'No'. That to me just says that there is still room for another chapter to be written.

Inside the Boundaries

I recently received a message from a very good friend. She too was pondering life and what was to come. But the message she sent me got me to thinking about things too. Like why we feel it so important to live inside societies boundaries. OK, so maybe not all of the boundaries, I'm sure some of you are reading this and thinking to yourself 'I'm an individual, I do what I please.' But how can you? I'll bet nobody has lived their entire life having not conformed to something. I mean, even being an 'individual' with tattoos, piercings and the like is conforming. Conforming to being different. To rebelling against being a 'normal' person. (please note, this is NOT a dig at anybody with tattoos etc, I have them myself, I'm merely using an example.) 

I guess this subject would really turn into one of those vicious circle type of situations. If people stopped giving a damn, then that too would become 'the done thing', so we would again be stepping inside the boundaries that we were trying so hard not to be in. We are too judgmental as human beings. Another downfall in societies plans. I'll bet we would all be far happier if we didn't have to worry about what other people were thinking of the actions we took. If we were just free to get on with life. There would be far less stress. But simply everything we do is going to be the wrong choice in somebody's eyes isn't it?

Ultimately I think that if the people that matter to you and know you the best are there to support you, then why not do whatever the hell you want to, because in the end, the people who care about you will be the ones to advise you. As long as you know that the advice that they give is for you because they care, I don't think that from that you can make a wrong decision. Obviously its probably wise not to go and kill someone, cause, you know that's illegal. But why should you not date somebody, just because you've only been single for a few days. Who's to say they're not the perfect person for you, the last one clearly wasn't... Otherwise you'd still be dating them, right? Generally our gut is going to tell us whether or not the thing we are about to do is right or wrong, if we go with that instinct, things will likely turn out the right way. If you feel it's the right thing, then do it!  Sometimes the decisions we make are the only things that are going to help us grow as a person. I look at my life now and what I had a year ago and am amazed at how much it's all changed.

If I hadn't decided to leave the guy I was with I probably wouldn't have made a better life for myself. I certainly wouldn't have the friends that I miss so dearly. And there is NO WAY that I would be snowboarding at all, let alone on Victorian Alpine Mountains in Australia. My eyes would not be as open as they are now. If I hadn't decided to book those flights, I'd still be working in a chocolate shop in the UK.

So why give a F...? If your instinct is telling you it's right then just do it. Don't panic about what other people would do. You're the only person in your position at the time, so do it for you. Not for your friends,not for Society, not for anything. 

Just you.