We Are All Human

It's true. The verdict is well and truly in. We are all human. (apart from those of us who are dogs,cats,fish etc) Most of you that ready this are human. And in being human we all make mistakes. We don't always know the cost of these mistakes. Maybe it's a friend, family member or relationship. 

Nine times out of ten you can be damn certain that what you did wasn't on purpose. The last thing we wanted to do in fact was cause pain onto somebody else. If we knew what consequences our apparent misjudgment would bring perhaps we would act differently. The point is we don't know. We have no idea. We are simply acting as we feel at the time and praying it works out for the best. When it doesn't we are made out to be the bad guy when really we just hoped the decision we made was right, in the long run, for all parties involved. 

On a first glance, our actions seem selfish or inconsiderate of others but by making the right decision for yourself is going to save a whole load of turmoil and grief in the end. Surely 'nipping it in the bud' straightaway is better than just going along with something for the sake of somebody else's short-term happiness. If you're going along for the ride hoping it will work out not only will you be miserable but so will everybody else.  If its not right, it's not worth the energy.

It's like ripping off a plaster. Do it quickly and as soon as possible and that's that. It's over. Done. There's no point in leaving it there. It's only going to get more attached and eventually more difficult to remove. It leaves that sticky mark on your skin that takes ages to get rid of. Eventually it goes away but it's nowhere near as easy. It's not like its even benefiting you anymore. It's not helping the healing process, its only hindering it. It's better to get rid of it and get some space to breathe. The quicker its done the quicker it can be forgotten about.  

If a situation is right, it's great to take time to decide. When your gut is already telling you it's not right, why hold on? When something is right you know. When it's wrong; you know. 

You don't always want to admit to the latter, but when you do it's better to let it go. Be honest and move on. Whats the use in doing something to please somebody else if it's not pleasing you? There is a lot to be said for being out for number one. Don't get me wrong I love my friends and family all dearly, but your life has to start with you. How do you think you're going to look after other people if you don't even have your own life together. 

• If you  love it, Do it...
• If you are happy, people in your life will be happy too
• It is Your life, do it your way

If you remember that you are just as important as anybody else people will be around you because they want to be. They know you and love you. You're not doing anything to please just them. I've got plenty of people in life that know me and are still in my life because they like my quirks. I've been honest with them and they appreciate that. I'm happy because I'm me. I've made a few mistakes, I've done silly things, I've tried to make people happy. But that wasn't right for me.

I will trust my gut instinct, no matter how hard my 'people pleasing' persona finds that. 

Remember to do things that please you, you'll find that other people will be pleased too.

Just a little Sprinkle

You know, I've realised that life is full of opportunity as long as you're willing to look for it. If you can't be bothered to get up out of your rut and change it, opportunities won't ever present themselves to you. If you keep thinking that what you currently have is what you'll have forever, that's exactly how life will be. A few months ago I took a chance because I felt like it was time for a change. I'm still living in Lorne, right by the beach, in a prime spot really, it's beautiful. But my job has changed. I'm finally doing what I want to do in life, what I trained to do five years ago, and not just in a hairdressing salon, where I'm slightly undervalued.  I'm an employee of a Nationwide Day Spa in Australia and I love it. I love what the company stands for and I love how it is run. This position is the start of bigger things for me for getting back into the industry, gaining some more experience and keeping up with all things beautiful, who knows what it might bring me for the future. but so far I'm hooked on Endota and I'm so happy to have this opportunity.

I'm no longer working in Hospitality, which is a great weight off my shoulders. Working two jobs that were equally as full on as each other was getting very intense and tiring for me. But now I'm truly doing what I love, so who Am I to complain. I have been through the training courses and have a few more coming up, with the likes of Dermalogica and am feeling like I now have my ticket into the industry after years of wishing and hoping it would finally happen, it has and I couldn't be happier. I have been granted the 'Endota Passport' which is giving me so many doors and here's hoping a really bright future, whether in Australia or worldwide. You cannot say fairer than that.


I didn't really know what it would mean to set out on the journey of finding myself when I left good ol' Blighty 17 months ago (yep, it's really been that long kids). I definitely didn't expect that I would be finding my career path and getting stronger in my profession. I had almost given up finding it all and lost my passion for what I had spent years training to do. But I'm in love with being a Spa Therapist. I hope that doesn't make me sound like a workaholic, but I've always been told that you should love your job, after all; it's where you spend 80% of your life, so happy work life surely equals a happy life life, right? I even want to take it upon myself to refresh my theory training on all the Anatomy and Physiology so I can impress people with my knowledge of the left Phalanges... ( no it's not just a mechanical backfire on a plane, Thanks Phoebe Buffay)

So this blog is just a nod to my future just letting it know that I'm ready for the next turn. I know I deserve for it to be the best it could be and I'm willing to keep working on it if it means it's delivering the good stuff. As for more travel, well those plans in the making too. I'm in no way giving up yet. My key words right now are Focus and Determination with a sprinkle of Happiness and Positivity. The world is out there and it's all mine if I want it.

Never Give Up On Your Dreams....

Journal 435 - Australia

Is it just me? Or does anybody else get that feeling of being so close but so so far away sometimes?
I'm certain I'm not the only one. Being ambitious can sometimes be a right pain in the backside. When you spend so much of your time working towards something and you get super close to the final goal it's actually more frustrating than when you first set out to achieve it. Like something in the world doesn't want you to succeed and keeps throwing petty obstacles in the way of what you want.

It just seems that the slow struggle is just getting longer and longer. I am currently trying to figure out so many little problems in my head that the closer I get the further I am from any kind of solution. None of the problems are particularly bad ones, just annoying niggly things that require excuses that tend to be the same over and over again, but still never being any less true. Like when somebody asks you why you didn't meet a deadline. It's genuinely because you had to drive miles across the country to visit a sick aunt and care for them, but this has happened for the last three deadlines and now you're getting worried that the other person just thinks you're crying wolf.

 Me being ever the optimist I'm trying to look for the silver lining. For example, my week has been great in that I just landed a great new job, working in a Day Spa. The plus sides to this are of course extra money, coming home smelling of essential oils and feeling relaxed and serene. Plus I'll have experience in a Nationwide company that could open all sorts of doors. My only issue right now is the training I need to get to on Monday morning. It's in the city and I have to be there at 9.30, the first bus leaves at 7 from where I am and won't get me in on time. Trivial I know! But I simply have to get there. I'll get into trouble otherwise. I know it will work out and I will get there. I have an over active imagination though and am thinking of all the best possible ways I could get there. Flying in on a dragon has been one of them. So you see worry does the strangest things to my brain cells.

I know it's time to take a deep breath and think logically about my situation I'm sure by doing that I will come to a great conclusion and all will be perfect. I tend to over think on these occasions and believe the worst could happen... Like going to the city on a dragon, that thing is clearly going to toast me and eat me for breakfast. If I'm calm though I'll instead be able to tame the dragon and end up having a really cool pet.

I am super excited for this new venture though, it really couldn't come soon enough. I'm already running before I can walk and thinking of all the possibilities this job is going to hold for me. I'm hoping for great things. Experience being the priority for now. I've learnt that things don't always come that easily and working from the bottom is what you have to do. Part of me feels that at 24 I should already be there and shouldn't be making tea and taking bookings and all the grotty jobs. I'm qualified it's on paper. But paper and ink means nothing really. Of course legally its very handy but most employers are looking for you to have experience. And you only get that by making tea. Apparently. Still I'm grown up and mature now, I understand that this is the way of life. Start slowly and work hard for your ambition. I have the patience and drive now to put up with the little things. In the grand scheme I know that people will appreciate my tea and coffee making skills.

At least I know what it is I want to do in life now.The's one thing I can tick off the list. I've found my happy, all I need is to make it a permanant fixture in my life. I know people of all ages who still have no clue. Flitting from dream to dream to find the right fit. It doesn't matter when you find the right dream, so long as when you do find it, you stick to it and never give up. All you need is to believe in yourself. They are your goals and your only job is to look after them and keep them alive. A phrase I love in life is 'Shoot for the moon, even if you miss you'll land in the stars...' Even if you don't get to exactly where you want to be you'll still end up higher than you were at the start. And that's better than staying in the same place. Besides, Maybe the moon is where you want to be, but the stars are where you might just need to be.

So here I am for the second time in nine months realising that no matter what different things I try to do, I'm going to end up in the career I have always really known to be the the one I'll do for life. There is no point in denying this to myself and trying to fit into somewhere that I am simply going to 'make do' with. Now I've been granted to right to know what makes me happy in life I'm going to take it by the horns and run with it. I expect I might have a few hiccups along the way. Or a few breaks but now my mind is no longer searching for what I want I can put my heart into it fully and and start mapping out the details of the next steps.

Bring it on life.

Journal 421 - Australia

I have been contending with another bout of 'writers block' this last month or so. Partly due to the fact that I have had nothing overly exciting to share of late. I have become settled into a regime that I can't currently get myself out of because of factors that I could have avoided becoming part of the equation at all had I gone about things a little differently. That of course said with the benefit of hindsight. Something I often find is that case when I do things. Hindsight is always the smarty pants that shows me what I should have done a few weeks after I didn't do it.

I'm positive I'm not the only one who does that. I tend to find myself swept up in a moment that doesn't really benefit me when it comes to future plans, no matter how much fun it seems at the time. You might say I'm kicking myself for where I am right now, which is still in Lorne. I know that I shouldn't really. I should suck it up and deal with the cold. I say cold, it's Australia's version of cold. Taking into consideration that i's still 16 degrees during the day, a temperature I'm more than happy being in a scarf, jumper and legwarmers these days, and is only a mere 4 degrees cooler than the temperatures at home, where I'm sure most are quite comfortably wearing T-shirts and almost preparing to bare legs and toes.

But, it is still pretty here. I have seen some beautiful sunsets, the occasional sunrise and I'm still looking forward to explore and find out what other natural gems this area has to offer. I'm far from unhappy or in a dive of a place. In fact, now the tourists have ceased it's much easier to recognise faces that belong to people who do live here throughout the year. Which is always handy on a Friday night when you're looking for a partner in crime to join you at the local. But in truth I'm trying to keep my head down as much as possible. I'm so close now to being able to set up camp in the back of my van. A few finishing touches, primarily a comfortable mattress, is all I really need to get myself of the road. That and a bit of cash. And I am getting so ready to leave this part of the adventure behind. I can't remember the last time I got my camera out to take a picture of something really new and interesting. It's been the same landscape for three months now.

I'm trying just to look ahead. Think about how rewarding it's going to be knowing that I have plenty of savings behind me and a comfortable place to rest my head after a long day on the road. I'm getting excited for the new sights that are around the corner. I'm looking forward to having a carefree attitude to travelling, with my only issue being finding somewhere at the end of the day with enough light to set up the camp stove, but not so much that the cracks don't shine through the window when I'm sleeping. Also figuring out which direction will be the best to go in, East or West, Left or Right. I'm pretty sold on the whole ' Tequila Sunrise on the Beach' side of things. But my inner Snow Bunny is craving some powder and a warm Apple Cider. I'm seeing my current situation, albeit one that has gone on a little longer than originally planned, as a benefit. It gives me more time to plan out what I'm doing and not go about it too haphazardly, resulting in Hindsight showing its 'Too Clever For It's Own Good' face and laughing hysterically at me for being unprepared.

My current placing is not one of complacency, it is one of preparation and sensibility. I am most definitely not in a rut. I know for sure I want to move on as soon as I can. But I also have to make sure the time is right first. I'm looking ahead again, but at the same time trying to enjoy the moment as much as I can.

Journal 371

Things are slowing down in Lorne as winter begins to set in. Yesterday was practically a ghost town. The rain was falling and there was not a soul in the street. It was certainly a far cry from the thriving hustle and bustle of last week. Of course in the state of Victoria, come April/May the atmosphere changes. Unlike the Northern states, this one has changes in the seasons. The temperatures plummet and in some parts there is even snow.

I thought about what I was doing this time last year. My weekend in Byron Bay, which honestly seems like years ago. Funny how that happens, memories fade into a hazy blur and you lose perception of exactly how, where or when certain events took place. But as long as all the good memories are all stung together I don't think it matters. My hay blur is full of great things, not just from the past year but many other things; nights out with friends, family meals, my first stint living away from home, causing havoc on yachts and swimming in the harbour at 2 am. All the exciting things that make me glad I'm doing what I'm doing.

I realised I'm absolutely free to do anything that I wouldn't ordinarily dream of. I'm already out of my comfort zone, so I may as well push myself a little further out of it and push the boundaries. Make mistake and learn by them, finding out things about myself I didn't know and maybe (hopefully) become a better person for it. After all, who's there to judge me or stop me? Only me really. I'm the only one who's going to say no. I'm trying to be the best version of myself, so by doing new things and occasionally being the worst version I won't achieve that. So long as I learn from the bad things that it's not how I want to be, then I figure I'm improving.

What a great way to understand yourself, by leaving your comfort zone. Testing your strengths and weaknesses, evolving in ways you never thought you could. It's a wonderful form of enlightenment, you grow personally and you begin making connections to people that are unlike yourself. When you do something out of character for you, its highly likely that it is within the character of another, meaning you can empathise with a broader range of people. You can share your wisdom knowledgeably about the situation. Having these experiences has great social perks. You can spark conversations with people and right then, you make a new relationship with a new person.

I love talking to people with intelligence, it makes me feel smarter. You may not think intelligent people are very common these days. Perhaps that's only because you don't share a common ground with them. The more you have experienced in life the more you have to talk about and in turn the more people to talk about it with. You know when you talk to somebody you just met, but it feels like you've known them for years? I think that's the underlying 'common ground'. You can both sense its there which is why you talk with such ease. Maybe I'm talking utter shit, but I do think there are people who get that feeling more than others and those people I also believe are the ones who are more open-minded. Not just about the thought of different experiences, but because they have actually been in those situations. I know a couple of people who I would describe as 'Older than their years' Absolutely fascinating people. The type I would be happy to converse with for days. They have done more than your average 'twenty-something' and it shows in the way they hold themselves and their conversation.

I get the feeling that these people are often finding strangers, but had that 'common spark' ignited.

Journal 370 - Australia

Over a year has passed.
This morning I was looking through old photos, the kind which used to bring me a kind of sadness. But today I looked at them and remembered what was good. Not in a way that meant I wanted that life back, but in a way that meant I was happy that I had good memories, that I could keep hold of the good ones without letting the bad ones cloud it anymore.

Last night I changed my hair colour. This might not seem that monumental to some of you, but for me, my hair colour has always had a huge impact on me. How I'm feeling, what I do, who I am to an extent. about eighteen months ago, all I wanted to do was be a blonde. I felt it would be a great way to get rid of who I was at that time. To start afresh and be somebody I hadn't been for almost three years. We all go through those phases. Well I went through the transition of dark, to red to ginger to blonde. So finding myself took a fair few attempts and bottles of dye. but it happened. Then a few weeks ago, I decided change was on its way again. I was in fact attempting a trick I had read on Google, to make my hair a permanent shade of lilac. However after leaving the dye on for a little too long I have ended up with dark, plum coloured hair.

I'm not worried about the mistake at all. In fact, I think its better that I lost track of time and ended up with a result I was't expecting. I suit being dark. I'm happier and more confident with dark hair. In the last few weeks as a blonde, I had started to notice my self esteem issues were becoming more apparent. I was realising they were there, which is never a good sign. I suppose you might think I'm silly for that way of thinking, but whatever, I decided a confidence boost was in order.

Then last night my housemate came in from work and decided she was going to give me a makeover and photo-shoot. Which was fun. She fascinates me with what she can do with a make-up brush. Its made me realise I could certainly put more effort into my own appearance. This coupled with a conversation I had with Jay, about life goals and dreams I have thought more about studying. To follow my passion again with Special Effects/ Stage Make-up. I may be 24 now, but it's never too late to learn new things. And if these learning curves are the beginning of following your dreams then there is even more reason to do it.

I'm beginning to feel like I'm getting closer to what I set out to do in the first place; finding my place and goals. Finding my passion. Being on my own has helped that. You can only go along with somebody else's plan for so long. If you don't make time for what you want, eventually you forget. Don't make it too late before you are reminded of it and start thinking along the lines of 'What If'. Nobody wants to be resented . Be who you are and be loved by people who encourage the growth of who you are.

Journal 365 - Australia.

Today is another new start for me. At the start of the week I was totally unsure as to whether I would be staying in Australia or having to fly home to the UK and not being prepared for the latter at all. I had a huge panic. With my possessions being dotted across the borders of Victoria and New South Wales, I knew that I would have no time to arrange my things and pack and go home. Part of that was knowing that I didn't really want to do that. But I had been leaving things to the last minute, meaning that I hadn't applied for my second year Visa yet and time was running out.

As some of you may know, the Visa applications over here can be a little tricky at times. You have to stick to the guidelines and do what you're told. One of those guidelines states that you must be in the country you were in at the time of application, when your visa is granted. Which is why I was panicking. Did i go home and apply for the visa there, or risk the potential three week waiting time for paperwork to be processed and apply here in Australia. This dilemma niggled at me for a few days. Then after a few tantrums and a trip to Melbourne later, I applied on Wednesday morning. In about ten minutes, easy peasy.

Then for the waiting game. The sick feeling and thoughts of rejection running through my head. It was not fun. Then of course realisiation dawned that I STILL hadn't packed for my flight. Which I was determined not to take. besides, I couldn't leave the country now. It wasn't the most pleasant 12 hours I had experienced. The next morning, I checked my Emails. And there it was, my Grant for an extra twelve months.

The feelings I had were not dissimilar to the ones I had experienced around this time last year, when I had applied for my first year. I had to check it, and double check it, then double check it a few more times. You might say I was in disbelief. In less than a day my Visa had been granted. All my panic was unnecessary. My shock continued most of the day. I joked to my sister about not getting it, that the Immigration wanted me to go in for an interview, because of a few problems they had encountered. It was a little cruel but still funny. (Sorry Lou-Lou)...

But this morning I'm in the stage of excitement. Working out where to go next, what I'm going to see. I'm still in Lorne right now. Its a pretty little town, but the rain has begun to set in. Winter is coming. I would be happy for winter if there was a chance of going to the snow, but I have no work just yet, so once I've earnt some money, I think I will chase the sunshine. Head to the coasts and stick to the beaches., after all, I can't come all this way without at least trying to surf, can I?

But a piece of advice to anybody wanting to travel, make sure you are completely organised. I'm not saying plans have to be set in stone, you never know where the mood will take you, who you will meet or what you'll love doing the most. But when it comes to paperwork, flights, and all the 'boring' stuff, never leave it to the last minute.