Journal 316 - Australia

My last day before a new chapter.

I've always enjoyed the excitement that a new venture can bring. Even though I've not found the new venture just yet, I still think that's part of the journey. Deciding whats coming next. I get to explore lots of different options, imagine myself in different situations. I get to let my imagination run off and create all sorts of scenarios that right now could well be possible. I'm currently going through the processes of job hunting, which is something I find mind-boggling. Hours of internet searching, uploading resumes. Being overwhelmed by the amount of jobs you could apply for, or in some cases underwhelmed and disappointed to the point that you end up applying for a job in McDonalds because frankly, it's all too much. Which is exactly what I have done. And I've been turned down.

Despite this though, the ideas and directions are shaping up nicely. I have a confidence that will not be broken. I may not have an immediate job yet, but it has kick started my applications to Hotham for a second winter and various other options too. Like working on an Island of Paradise by the Great Barrier Reef. The important thing is that I'm motivated. Even if it is 10.30 am and I'm still sitting in my Pyjamas. I'm blaming that on the fact I've not had my coffee yet and I don't function without it. Still, I feel I have been productive. I have made phone calls and placed ads. My next step is to write up my plan. Some goals and ideas of what I might like to do.

In a few days I'm going off for a weekend of live music. Which I cannot wait for. I get to spend time in the city and see bands that I grew up listening to. It also fulfills my resolution to see more live music. I think 6 bands in one day is a pretty good start?! I would also like to see what work there is in Melbourne, even though this isn't essential. I just feel it would be beneficial for me to find a new location for the next part of life.

I'm travelling, and that to me says independence. It says growing up and standing on your own two feet. I want to discover more, come up against some obstacles and learn how to deal with them in my own way. Today I realised that in some way or other I have always been supported. This is both a blessing and a vice. I'm grateful for all the help, but at almost twenty-four I do feel I should have achieved more by now. Most of my friends have steady jobs, houses and other such things. Now I'm not saying I want my career or marriage or a mortgage, I'm just saying I'd like to up my maturity levels.

Some might say I'm already quite mature, but lets face it; Maturity isn't judged on how long it takes for somebody to laugh when another says the word 'Willy'. (I'll bet you just chuckled didn't you?) But it also is not solely based on your job prospects, degrees, relationships are either. In fact everybody gains maturity from different aspects of life. I'm planning to gain mine during the rest of my travels, by branching out, going out on a limb. By only seeing my support network as a fall-back in case of ire emergencies. I think it would be fairer and easier on everybody if I become independent. I don't want to end up going through life being expectant of other people, it's somewhat disrespectful.

I hope this will make me more worldly, give me some more common sense and also some self respect. Help to understand how I like things to be done and find out the reasons why others like to have things done a certain way too. I'll have respect for myself, other people, other peoples things too.
After all, that's the idea of travelling. Learning about direction, maps, cultures and becoming open to things that you thought were far off even your wildest dreams.
Travelling is about making friends in different languages.
Travelling is about growth.
Travelling is reaching limits, and pushing past even those.
Travelling is finding yourself.
Travelling is respect.

Journal 311

Things changed again. News that set me into discomfort, but at the same time put me at ease. It meant I could let go of worries. I knew I'd had a warning before. but I'd taken no notice until I had proof, but now it was there, plain as day and it's time to face the music. Things, people, everything really, is moving along and it's time I really truly did the same.  I'm almost done at the farm, and then I can begin to consider applying for my second year. Which is something that has a much higher chance of happening in the next few months than it ever has before. The thought of applying straight away is more appealing at present than going home and applying at a later stage. Now is the time. Whats left for me there is nothing compared to whats awaiting me here.

Its all so small. I didn't know why I didn't see it before, but another shift in perspective has got me dreaming and looking further, at the bigger picture if you will. There is no future in looking back. It's impossible to move forwards if you are always thinking about what is behind you. There are many possibilities and experiences ahead. More sights, places, tastes, people to meet, dreams to fulfill. Not something I can now imagine doing in one place. It would be impossible to have my life enriched by the place I call home right now.

'The world is a book, and those who do not travel, read only a page'. Yes, I am travelling. I have certainly read more than one page so far, but in truth, I've barely touched the first chapter. I've been skim-reading this whole time. I've not taken in the stories. I've not let the plot develop or fallen in love with the characters just yet. It's time to let it thicken. Read between the lines and really get a grasp on the true story line. I'm ready to be speechless by the twists and turns and unexpected scenes. I'm ready for this book to leave me utterly gobsmacked at the outcome.

So perhaps I'll stay a little longer, catch a few waves, look at the stars. Dream a little more and aim a little higher. I'll get lost inside the pages. This story has the potential to be so intense, you'll never want it to finish....

Journal 304 - Austrailia

Right, just a quick post. Maybe

So a few days ago I was feeling pretty sad about my situation. Things were not happening as planned and I was definitely not happy, but in the last few days things have happened and I have progressed past this little hiccup. I thought perhaps I needed to put more effort in myself to improve my situation, which is exactly what I have done. No use in feeling sorry for myself and blaming all my problems on others at the end of the day. I realised that things can go both ways.

I have also had a lot of events and news happen that have made me feel more positive recently. The impending visit from my parents being one of them. I was at such a low, but this news on it's own has really changed my view. In less than a week my Mum and Dad will be touching base in Australia. Flying thousands of miles and making near enough the same trip that both myself and my sister have made, to the land of Opportunity. I wonder what opportunities lie here for both of them, whether it will change their outlook, or give them different goals or pathways.

This news hasn't much changed my plans or intentions, but it has given a different perspective. Knowing that they will be here and possibly convincing me that I need to stay in this country, or at least not return back to the UK to settle for the better. The next few weeks will not be easy to make excuses for my want to return home. And to be honest, I have no excuses as such, Only homesickness and a desire to see my friends.

I also spoke to one of my lovely ladies earlier today. She is also in the same boat as me, in that she has left our hometown and is starting afresh, for the better, in a new life and country. She too has left the drama behind to make herself a better life. She, like many other people in my life recently, told me that I seemed so much happier, better off, relaxed... All these other positive changes I have made since going away ten months ago. She told me how proud she was, and I realised I felt the same toward her.
It takes a hell of a lot of courage to pick up and leave everything you know behind. I said to her that sometimes I wish I could pick up everybody that mattered and plonk them right here, with me, in Australia. We would probably all be so much better off if I could. Minus the spiders....

The point is though, I'm feeling more content now. Things have settled here. The atmosphere is so much better and my mind is somewhat more settled. As most of you know, my mind changes more than most of you have had hot dinners, so for me to be settled is saying a lot. We shall see how long this lasts. By tomorrow I'm sure Something will have changed my mind and I will be writing about something entirely different.

But for now, contentment is in play. I have confidence that only good things are coming. I mean, how can I not, with all the positive energy and good news that has been flying around/in the past twenty-four hours. Things are on the up. I'm a happy bunny and looking forward to the great times that are ahead.

When something gets you down, try to think of the positive. You. never know how much it might turn around

xx

Journal 300 - Australia

'Sometimes in life, there are people who don't like you. These people are dicks.' Or at lease that is something I tweeted last night.

The truth is, that they aren't really dicks as such, its just that they have problems of their own. Problems that they cannot comprehend themselves. They can't deal with the stresses in their lives so they tend to take it out on somebody else. Perhaps somebody that they see as a person who has it good, that can take all of their shit. Of course the problem with that is, that generally, they don't know what is going on in the other persons mind or life. But because they can't see it, or don't know about it, its seems fine to attack them.

I'm not normally bothered when somebody has an issue with me. If an individual doesn't like me, then that's ok. What grates me is when they have no real reason for it. I know a lot of us will say 'I just don't like him/her' and have no reasons or explanations as to why. But I certainly prefer to know when I have upset somebody. Its better for all the parties involved that way. When you don't like somebody, it rarely only effects you and that person. It branches out and makes everybody else around you uncomfortable too. Like, when you don't like your best friends other friend, it makes it awkward to go to a social gathering when you know they will be attending. Then when you turn up, the atmosphere changes and there is a distinct tension that every other guest notices.

It has become apparent that somebody doesn't much like me. We both always knew that we didn't get along greatly, but now things have become that bad that the situation is quite uncomfortable. To the point where I don't even feel welcome here. I arrived feeling like what I had done in the last few days, quitting my job, concentrating on the farm and going from there once I was done, was a great decision. I had it mapped out. I didn't bank on all the drama that I would be involved in though. I at least hoped that we could remain civil.

Of course, if I knew what I had done wrong and had a chance to fix it, things would be different. We could smooth it over and deal with the situation. Unfortunately, I'm not sure that's going to be the case. I don't really know what to do now, there's a snag in the plan I had and I didn't really come up with a Plan B, just in case. I guess the only thing I can do is hope for the best and trust that everything will work out. We all have to deal with the bumps on the track, and this is just one of those. The silver lining I suppose is that it can only really get better from here. And it will, I am still in the land of dreams, where anything has seemed possible so far. I won't let this get me down, because there is no point to that.

When you come across a hard time in life, you have to just do your best to turn it around. Right now that's all I can do, look for the better things in the situation and concentrate on them. In a few weeks time I will be able to apply for my second year visa and be free to travel and make more memories. Start planning the next adventures and be in a place I really want to be.

Journal 299 - Australia

No matter how difficult something seems at first, there is always an option. Always a direction. You can always come out smiling. If it seems difficult now, just believe that the right thing is on its way. It may not be what you thought, hut sometimes the unexpected is better than what you thought you wanted.

I knew something was coming, a change. I actually thought it was going to land me in the shit, if I'm honest. But its potentially about to do the opposite. I have just been searching for the answer to a question and in the last five minutes I have been given it. Some advice I was given is good, its shaken me up and pushed me onto the path that, at least for the short-term, I needed to be on. I don't have long-term answers yet, bit that's not a problem for now.

Everything seemed out of reach, impossible almost, when I woke up this morning. After I took some time for myself to think, it was clear. Now I can see the future unravelling. I have little time left on the farm and after that I can go to the city, maybe stay there for a little while, make somenoney.

no job should ever hold you back. The same with family, friends, lovers. Being out for yourself is important. I know I say this a lot, but I have to, so I remind myself of it. Otherwise I go off track. I forget to follow ny own advice, so I tell other people, in the hope that I will stop watching the world go by, and instead, will let it sweep me up and flow along with it.

I don't want to hold on to the things I think I want. If those were meant to be, I would have them already. No, instead I want to be shown the things I didn't know I wanted. The suprises that make my days special. I believe the unexpected things tend to mean the most, from an spontaneous night out with friends, to a suprise parcel you didn't know was coming. They're what put a smile on your face all day, that make you thankful.

So, stop searching for what you want, instead take time to look our for things you weren't expecting. You never know what you might get if you begin to stray from your preferences and go left instead of right. Take yourself out of your comfort zone. Your future might just thank you for it.