Journal 197 - Australia

Ooopsie. I think my last post might have been a tad too depressing! My apologies.
See I said it was unlike me to feel like that. all down and deflated. People started to worry after reading that. Mumma B even messaged me to check that I was alright. In fact she gave me some pretty sound advice (as mothers tend to). It was on this advice and reaction that I realised that there was nothing really in particular on my mind. I am in a much better mood now though, I'm sure you'll be pleased to know. After all, as Mumma B said, I am on Holiday (we forget the 'working' section of my visa, I am a 'Lady Of Leisure', according to some folk!) I'm not here to worry about things. Besides, I've had a great few days at work, again reaffirming that I am not totally out of place, or my comfort zone. That in fact nobody is going to come in pointing at me and shouting 'She doesn't belong here' as I had mentioned before that I thought they might.

I'm progressing shall we say. Tomorrow for instance I actually have three clients that have already booked in. I know it doesn't sound like many right now but I think its pretty good, after all I've only been there for a week. I'm getting there. The girls do like me and we've started planning the Christmas party. We even put the Christmas decorations up today. It was very surreal. Bright sunshine, 25 degree heat and a Christmas tree just don't mix together in my head. I think the next few months are going to feel like a dream.

It's been great to walk to work each day. Its just the perfect amount of exercise, also meaning I don't have to spend out on a Gym membership, I get to breathe in lovely fresh air and I'll get a tan building up. Not to mention I'll probably get a bit fitter and tone up somewhat. Bikini Body here I come!!  The girls think I'm mad though, walking to work everyday. They can't understand why I would do it. They don't understand, I haven't had a summer in a good 16 months. I NEED it. They seem to just take the beautiful weather for granted. It's very kind that they offer me lifts home where there can, but, honestly, I enjoy the time to myself. It gives me space to wind down and contemplate. Daydream.

And yesterday I had a lovely lady display feelings of gratitude towards some actions I had taken. I sent a parcel to a dear friend at home for her birthday. It was just a small thing. Inside I also enclosed a letter. I wanted to let her know how proud of her I was. And how much of an inspiration she is to me. And of course that I was thinking about her. I speak to her on a regular basis these days. Its funny how being away can bring you closer to people. We've been friends for years, but I somehow feel that since I came away our bond has become stronger. And it's fantastic. I've watched her become a new woman from afar, and even though I've not been physically there for her, I know that she has felt my support in many ways.

So really the last few days have brought me back up to speed. It's amazing how much a few positive actions can spread their way into your life and change things. Besides, who wouldn't want to be happy for the most part? A smile is contagious after all.

Journal 195 - Australia

You were there last night. Right next to me. In my dream. You were there. It was divine. But you're not here now.

I don't think I'm quite myself today. I'm not quite with it. I have had some terrible emotions flow through me today. Last night I went to a yoga class. A full one, not like the ones I used to do at home, with a mix of Thai Chi and Pilates. No last night I did the real thing, with Namaste prayer and all of it. It felt wonderful at the time. I even found my place of meditation, or at least I think I did. I hoped it would put me at ease with myself and I would find my inner peace. But today I just found myself introverted. I've been so happy the last few months, I'm not entirely sure why this feeling of deflation today.

Perhaps the class brought me to myself. Maybe it is just that there are a few things I need to work through. I need to let go of some things in my mind a little bit. Perhaps I just feel grouchy because of the niggling little headache I've had for the most part. Or maybe I just need to get away for a while. The stresses of settling into a new workplace could be tiring for me. I'm not doing too many hours or anything, but the pressure of getting everything right is quite full on. I'm taking a learning curve in something I really already know how to do. It's just that I'm rusty. I'm being watched to make sure my work is always on form. And rightly so, there is a name too keep up and I wouldn't want to ruin a reputation. It doesn't look good, on me or the business.

I was reassured that I'm doing a great job. I should really stop doubting myself and just get on with it. Working in an industry where you are judged most of the time is very difficult. I really am loving every minute of it though I do still feel at times that I'm not good enough, that people are going to rumble me and say 'Why is she here, she obviously doesn't belong'. I guess we all have these doubts to a degree when we are changing our pathways. I'm sure we wouldn't be human if we didn't. After all we can't all be perfect. We all make mistakes, Human Error. And of course I'm not terrible at this, otherwise why would my clients be booking in for more treatments?

I'm just being silly. I got to speak to my dear friend Miss W the other day. It's taken a very long time but we spoke and it was wonderful. I think it has made me miss home again though, wishing I could just be out dressing up and dancing and drinking. I miss my girls a lot (and my boys too, don't worry, I've not forgotten you). There just something about having the people you know there with you. I wish that they could share in all the things I'm experiencing out here. It would be wonderful.... Still, maybe I will get that chance to show them.

Perhaps I need to break out from this house, go out and explore the area more, get to know people and make some friends. Its just hard to do on your own. I guess I could book into a hostel in the center. The thing is, not many travelers head to Albury. Even the locals can't understand why I have my base here. Its that it's easy and I don't really have to go far to have everything I need. Most sight-seeing gems are a train or plane ride away. I think that's my conclusion. To head to somewhere else. Be seeing things.

That was my thing about tying myself down with a job . I went through it in my head. I knew it would be a great experience, holding me in good stead for the future, no matter where I end up. Only, it feels as if it is eating into my travel time. The real thing is though, I need to shake myself up and remember that not only is this great experience and will look great on my CV it's actually the thing that is going to fund my trips and adventures over the next few months. And probably help me out when I am home.

I have that travel list to work my way though... Almost an Australia Bucket list! I've booked in a few things but I can't wait for those. I'm too impatient. I need to do something NOW. Shake the boredom. So on my next payday I will put things in place to get me away for a few days. I don't want to be feeling groggy and deflated much longer. I need my space for a few days. I need to be seeing interesting things.

As for those strange, unwanted feelings? Well I need to deal with those too. But could I really do it, Could I say what I need to? Put things out in the open? I probably should. It'll put my mind at rest if nothing else.

But anyway. I'm off to book a flight to somewhere lovely.

Journal 188 Australia

I spoke to my parents last night. My mum seems pretty excited about the prospect of coming over to Australia for my sister's wedding. We even discussed a stopover in Thailand, which is very good, will probably be fun. Maybe. Either way I think they are trying their darnedest to get here. Mum also told me I'm not allowed to come back to the UK. I'm not sure how to take that. But I guess, mumma says...

Dad said I seem much happier. Those two comments together though seems like they are trying to get me to stay here so they can get residency without filling out too much paperwork. But it also says that this place is clearly good for me. I'm not quite sure I want to stay here though, not yet. I am certain I want to see a lot more though. I don't really feel like I've found a place here yet. A real 'home' in Australia. Sure, I could make do with some places if I ended up staying here, it's just nowhere completely fits just yet. Some people must think I'm mad for not instantly wanting to move here, maybe I am. I'ts got to feel right though. It can't just be because I feel pressured because everyone loves it here. I have to want to do it. Decide where I belong on my own. Truth is though, I've never felt that lost, I'm not looking for home. However, it is still hard to drown out other people's influences. I'll listen to my heart and my angels if I get stuck. They always see me right.

Today was my first day in the salon. It went even better than I had hoped it to. The day flew past and I even ended with an email of gratitude from my boss!'Thanks champ you did good today il cya,later in the week enjoy your day off :-)'  Winning.
I do feel I have at least got this right. The career path. I went out for work this morning, with my takeaway coffee, my made up face and donning the uniform I had left behind five years ago. As I walked up the street, I realised just how good it felt. How much it fit. Even if the uniform was two sizes too big. I was presentable to Salon standards, but not in an overly 'Blonde-Barbie-Essex-Bombshell' type of way. My clients were lovely all day.

Most of them are older ladies, but honestly some of the discussions I have had today. Of course I can't repeat it due to client confidentiality. Still, I guess I can tweak some parts and use false identities. I'm still getting used to the way people speak in this country. People quite openly referring to others are retards. This country definitely takes a chill pill where PC is concerned! And people talking about the infamous Chopper Reid like he's their next door neighbor, it all seems a bit surreal.

But I am enjoying it, my hours work well to accommodate my travel wishes too. It is pretty much going fabulously and feels so right. I've even been getting client re-bookings, so I can't be half bad can I?

Journal 185

Well, the last few days have been fantastic. I feel so good about everything at the moment.
The last few days I have spent following my dream. It is only small for now but it is my dream none the less. and that's the thing with dreams, they can get as big or as small as you want. Everything is in your head and the possibilities are endless. The only difference between your subconscious dreams and the ones that can determine your life are that in one there should be dragons and fairies and magical colours and in the other there should not. If you can figure out which way round it should be, I would say you're halfway to achieving those dreams.

And I finally feel as if my dreams are well on the way now. About a week ago, I got a job offer. I accepted. I knew that this wasn't really all I was here for though and decided to aim for something more. In 2009 I qualified in my chosen field, it took me two years to learn the skills but when I stepped out of college I found it harder and harder to land myself a job in the industry. I started to feel as if I was no good at what I did. Every Salon I walked into wanted two years of experience. At the time I wanted to make a living at this and wouldn't even consider 'working for free'. I felt that my opportunites should be given to me on a plate. This, I now understand was a dumb way to look at it. I might well be good at what I do, but there were people out there who had worked a darn sight harder than me. Most of them by taking the time while they were studying to get a Saturday placement thus gaining the experience that they would need to progress. After a few years of searching I then began to realise this but just thought it was too late and that nobody would give me a chance. I regretted not getting the experience earlier. I did still resent potential employers for being so 'unfair' to not give me a chance in a full time role.

My outlook on this changed about a month ago. After I finished the Winter season I thought about what I really wanted. I realised it was the thing I kept going back to. The thing I resented and thought I had wasted. But I got myself into gear again. I changed the way I looked at it. I changed my approach. After all nothing comes for free. You have to give to get something out. So I put myself out there. I showed my determination and and I got something back. I was totally honest with this potential employer and I guess it paid off. Perhaps she saw something in me that previously hadn't been noticed. Maybe she just liked me. It doesn't matter. I have finally got my foot in the door, I've stepped onto the career ladder. I am hoping too that they will be flexible enough to allow me some time off to continue my travels too!

In conclusion for today though, just remeber these things

• Nothing comes for free, sometimes you have to work hard for the things you want
• Your dreams are only as big or far away as you make them 
• You don't always have to climb the steepest hill first, it's OK to start small
• Never give up on what you believe you deserve
• Follow your heart, your head will eventually catch up

Journal 183

I have been getting alot of things done. It feels great to achieve things. Even if it merely doing the mundane every day things. Sometimes that is just enough.
I have begun to look into the next few things that I want to do while I am here. Its certainly giving me something to look forward to. I had questions answered for me. I haven't been sure when I would be booking my flights home and left it to fate to help me to decide. To tell me when was right. I decided to take the first date that was offered, that happened to be the furthest away. I felt this was the best way.

I have the details finalized. Now all I have to do is begin planning all the other things I have left to do. Also today I began Zumba again. I love it. It feels wonderful to be exercising. And it's even better to be having fun. Even if the instructor is a bit 'Dance Academy' style. I'd rather be getting the exercise than turning into a big fat lump. I want to feel good about myself. After all, summer is coming and I need to be on a beach!

Tomorrow I've got my Salon trial. I really hope it goes well, I'd like to be successful. I know if I'm not I have other options. Either way it will be nice to know what I am doing. To be able to have something to work around. I want to begin planning again. I'd like to know what I'm doing. Or at least have a rough idea.

I still have this long list. Even though I've done a lot I'm not convinced I've done enough. I'm not quite satisfied. I haven't quenched my thirst for travel just yet. I need more. I need to feed my brain with more wonderful things. New experiences. I need to awaken my senses and give them something more. I need to gain more perspective. Become enlightened. I need to push everything out of my head that is holding me back and just do what I need to.

I've found that writing letters is helping me. I have written a three month plan, full of goals and wishes. If it is on paper it makes more sense. It's black and white. It's final.
I'm also enjoying telling my story to my nearest and dearest by my own hand. It feels so personal and I love it. It's taking it away from the Social Medias and technology. It makes it more real somehow.

So tomorrow things will be more settled. I will know my direction. I will begin my plans. Everything will be right.

Tomorrow.

Journal 178 - 180

I'm doing this a bit backwards. Although in saying that, there is no real order in writing. You put down the things that are important at the specific time of writing.

But I must really tell you about my weekend. It was amazing.
We ( Lou and I) took a drive. Went off to the city to be all Carrie Bradshaw and Samantha Jones. Except were we in Melbourne and not New York. But the cocktails and heels certainly made it feel like we were. We stayed in Richmond. The Richmond Hill Hotel to be precise. The room was basic, and the corridors were a little musty. But it was a bed. The staff were lovely. The area itself is a little shabby, but I liked that. I liked that the buildings had a bit of chipping on the paintwork. It gave it character. We began at a Vietnamese restaurant, followed by two overly hipster bars on Swan street.

There was something about them that was just a bit to classy. The atmosphere was all wrong. We were ready to call it a night. Then we heard the live music. The Swan On Swan Street... Original. We stepped inside and it was as if it had all clicked. There were beautiful people everywhere. We danced and we sang. We even made new friends. The barman - No wait, he wasn't that high in the rankings, he was just a glass collector - made my heart melt every time he walked past. He was like Zac Efron. But much more attractive.
By the time we came home it was 2 am.

The next trip was to Chapel Street. Another pocket of the city that I love. Very alternative. It has everything you need. Cafes, bars, shops. You barely need to visit the city with Chapel Street in front of you. We lunched in a little cafe, where I tried Chai Latte for the first time. . Then we explored the Vintage shops and 'Op-shops' (that's a charity shop to us Brits). They were full of little gems. And the way they had been merchandised was amazing. It's true what they say ' One mans Junk is another's treasure'. We wandered up and down all day, taking in the atmosphere.

In the evening we explored the nightlife in the area (again) just a few Cocktails in the Electric Ladybug Lounge. Mine was skittles. I even got laughed at by a passing car for falling into a hole in the road. I wasn't even drunk, I swear. Chapel Street/Richmond is definitely a place I will enjoy visiting time after time. It reminds me so much of Brighton. It will have to be added to my top 10 list of Places to Visit. Maybe even my to 10 list of Places to Live. Who knows.

The main reason for being in Melbourne was to see a show. A show that even as I'm writing two days later, I still have songs stuck in my head. The Micheal Jackson Immortal Cirque Du Soliel. It was incredible. I think I'd have to see it again just to watch the bits I missed before. We were even involved in a flash mob. I would so recommend it. Incredible.

So there we have it, my weekend at Chapel Street and Richmond, drinking cocktails and going to theatres. I'm so classy.

Journal 181

Busy day. Weird day to be honest. Lots of things going on in my noggin.

I had a meeting in the hair salon today. It went alright. They seem friendly enough in there. And maybe a bit desperate for a therapist too. I'm not sure. It could be the start of my career. Its just it set my mind off on overdrive. And I know that happens to me a lot, but still, it's annoying this time. I went on a downhill spiral today. I know this feels like the right thing to do. That it's time to do it.
However I do worry that it will make doing other things difficult. Like my farm work for getting a second year Visa. Or more travelling. It's torn me a little bit. I have to make a decision about what I want to do as the extra thing.
I know in my heart I just need to let things happen as they are going to. That's how it's meant to be. There's no point anyway, as I haven't even got the job yet. But it's just that I want it. So much.

But my brain has been in such a fuddle today. I knew it was time to ask for guidance. Especially after I played the Purple Chakra Chime: Intuition. Interesting. And my cards made lots of sense too. I didn't feel they had answered my question properly. But as time went on this evening, I realised that they had, and were beginning to show me the answers. As they always do.

I must follow my own heart, be true to myself. After all, I can't please everybody all at once. Somebody is bound to be upset by something I say or do. So I guess if I just start to please me, it shouldn't matter if somebody else is upset. Not to sound selfish. Of course I need to e considerate of those around me. But I must also make the decisions for my benefit. I may decide on things, but I may also decide that I want to do something different halfway through. I don't think that it wrong. I think it is what is meant to happen. You are meant to choose the path you are on. Sometimes there are obstacles. Sometimes we fight the obstacles, and sometimes we avoid them. But no matter what, we still end up where we are meant to be, at the time we are meant to.

I know most people are happy for me. They understand that I am doing this because it is right. They don't begrudge me this. I know that people miss me. And I miss them back too. I chatted to a good friend about this subject. I've known her for years. And she knows me very well too. She told me that nobody should make me feel pressured and that I should be 'Doing the Oz thing to the max'. I won't let peoples feeling cloud me too much more. Or influence my decision. Hell, if I want to move here forever, I don't need to justify that to anybody. The only thing I should be worrying about is what the next adventure here is going to be. Of course I think about my friends and family. Ultimately though, if I want to know what is happening, I'll ask. If they want to tell me anything, they will. I can't let other people's feelings influence me. My sister longs for me to live here with her. That's her passion and she'll fight the case damn well. But that might not mean it's for me. My home could be in an igloo at the south bloody pole. I don't know yet. But when the time is right, I will know.

I do not wish to upset anybody. Not at all. But I am in one of my blunt phases it would seem. It's probably a bit dangerous. But heres to Truth and Integrity.

Journal 177

Well, these last few days have been very exciting!

Yesterday I received a job offer for the first job I applied for in the town. So considering I would probably still be looking for work if I was in the UK (after about two years in a part time job, which, even though I loved was never going to pay the bills), I think that result is pretty good going!

I also got some post. Very special mail. A big box of goodies from Miss W. It was so exciting. And there was a very large letter to go with it. Six pages of gossip that made me laugh and cry all at once. I felt very spoilt and very loved.

I get the feeling that yesterday was just setting me up for an even busier day today. I began today with a goal. I thought it would be a good way to start. I decided to look into Salons that might be hiring. I know I already have a job but I'm really not sure my ultimate ambition in life is to stay in retail. There's nothing wrong with it but I can't see myself in my 40's working in Topshop...

I think I've also realised I'm letting life slip past me a little bit. I've gotten a bit lazy even. Sometimes, you see opportunities don't just jump out in front of you, waving, blowing a whistle and saying 'Take Me'. Its not as easy as that. Most of the time, you actually have to make those opportunities yourself. Which is exactly what I did today. I wandered to town and visited a few Salons.  I think it was meant to be today. I had put something out to the world and the world was giving back.

I didn't get disheartened when I was told 'No' on a few occasions. I didn't give up. Instead I stuck around and had a chat to the girls. And then I got help. Real information that put me in the right direction. A contact. It felt so right. So I went on my way to to find this woman. We chatted and she was pretty certain she could find the right thing for me. And all of a sudden the timing was right. I was even telling her that I was ready to forgo all other jobs (while of course still earning money, I don't want to be broke, that's just silly) in favour of making a go of a Beauty career. This is what I want. I've finally admitted it.

It makes sense. I always go back to this field. I'm always trying to make a go of it. And today the time became right. Something clicked making me want this more than anything else in the world. Stage One in finding myself was well underway. Amazing.

So I have always tried. But not hard enough. I've not wanted it this much before. No though, It is time to succeed. Its time to get in touch with all that I learnt. Wear the Uniform. Put my knowledge to use. This feels good.
I may need some guidance, a bit of training. I might even have to tap into the patience thing that I seem to lack most of the time. I know I can do it. I know I can.

All I need now is one foot in the door and a big smile on my face.

Journal 175

It was nothing special. Not really. All I have done it Tweet lots and eat strawberries.
Yum.

I have decided to begin my exercise regime again. I have been wondering for a few weeks why I have felt so strange and down. I came to the conclusion it was lack of exercise. It's only been the first day and I already feel so much better for it. I must remember to take the before pictures.I did also tag on Twitter #IWillBeSkinny. A friend then told me off for mentioning skinny. It upset her. I guess she is right though. My aim shouldn't be skinny. I shouldn't put that out there. It should of course be 'Healthy'.

Perhaps that's why people have scolded me in the past for my gym addiction. I've merely been using the wrong word when asked why I go to the gym. 'To be skinny' would be my reply. When in actual fact it was to be healthy, happy and fit.  It always has been. Exercise just makes me happy. Its all the endorphin's. I've never longed to be a skinny twig bitch. Not at all. I just want to have a healthier lifestyle. I'm a size 10. In not Hollywood terms that pretty much makes me a rake. Especially with my height.

Something that people don't understand though, and probably the reason I use the word skinny, is because I was a bit of a chubster at school. Yes maybe it was puppy fat. But if I don't exercise I will pile on the pounds. Not fun. People don't believe that when I tell them either. I am happy at the size I am now and I would like to remain there. Sometimes it feels that people judge me for going to the gym to be 'skinny' because they think that you don't need to go to the gym when you're a size 10. Well you do if you want to maintain it. At least, when you're me anyway!

But either way, I still much prefer being able to walk across the road without feeling like my lungs are about to jump out of my mouth onto the floor. I like to take pride in being fit and healthy. I will stop using the 'S' Word though. I do understand it puts across the wrong message. I'm just looking to change the way I feel. Stop the withdrawals and feed the need I have. Get back in touch with my health and emotions. Just be happy. Simple.

And anyway, who wouldn't want to be happy all the time and eat Strawberries everyday. (unless you're allergic to strawberries. Then maybe that wouldn't be very appealing.)

Progression and Productivity.

I've been neglecting my hand written book in favour of the typed blog recently. I do find that writing with a pen can make it easier and less babbled. Plus I find I enjoy it more. Almost like reading a proper paperback book. Feeling the pages and that. It gives over an originality. So here you will have it, from my hand, to the screen, to yours, for your reading pleasure (I hope).

Today had been one of those busy days. You know, one where I have had a lot to do, but instead ended up doing other things. My list today included rearranging my flights home, cancelling contracts and an overall tidy. I've not really managed to complete any of these things. In saying that, I still feel I have achieved and progressed in my day and general life. I have at least begun to think about the next few stages and what I need to be doing to make it all come together. For example my Second Year Visa. As it turns out I don't need to take it up consecutively after this first year. This is a weight off my mind. It does at least mean I can go home for a little while, which I'm sure friends and family will be pleased about.

I keep picking up my laptop only to put it straight back down again today. Motivation has deserted me. But since my panic blog this morning wondering how on earth I will do all the things I'm need to, I have calmed. I've decided to change the word 'need' to meant. It just seems less daunting using that word instead. I have no idea why.  It just works for me in my head.

Still, even that being the case, I'll probably still end up leaving everything until the very last minute. I'm pretty good at that. Then I'll spend the next few weeks worrying about it until its done. Going over it in my head. Checking with myself that it's all straight. I really should just get on and do it when I first think of it. But that's too logical and sensible for my brain to deal with!

I am still impressed with my productivity.

1 - Decided on using my spare time for farm work - Very important for obtaining second year visa, seeing more of the country and getting in touch with the culture side of things I mentioned in the last blog ( I'll probably likely see a few snakes and venomous spiders during this venture - totally Australian)

2 - Deciding on my next Holidays. Thailand and Dubai. The obvious choices of course. I'm in Australia, why on earth would I think of going any other places for a Holiday. (except maybe Fiji. Or something)

So really I've come a huge way over the course of the day. I even managed to pack away all my winter clothing and snowboard. Being as I really won't be needing them at all in the next 6 months. That part definitely feels like the end of a chapter. The upside to that of course being that old cliche of one door closes another opens. A new chapter is about to begin.

So to hell with all the important things. For today anyway. I have something to do tomorrow now! I'll also find out tomorrow if my interview was successful. Or if i remain an unemployed bum for a little longer! I'll no doubt find a way to use that as another excuse to procrastinate from the important tasks for another day.
Meaning the list will lengthen. It'll be never-ending.
Oh bugger it.

Ok, Seriously. Tomorrow, I will do everything I'm supposed to.

I will.

I will, I will, I will.

Right...

Conflicts and Contemplations

You have to put it out to the world. You have to let the Universe know what you can achieve.
A conversation I had a few days ago led me to thinking (again). It's a wonderful thing, the power that each and every one of us has inside. There really is nothing too great if you can truly believe in it.
Two people have said this to me in the last few days 'You have to put it out into the Universe for it to become'.

And it is so true. I said I would go to Australia, and travel around, and I am. It's only the very first thing, but I truly believe that the things you put your mind to are the ones that will happen. It's the first step to acting upon your dreams. Talking about them. Once you begin to talk about them, they become more real. Even more so if you are to talk about them in a sense that you have already achieved them. If you live them and breathe them, they are already there. A part of you.

Recently I felt a little bad about planning other trips to different countries when I had seen so little of this one. I had a 'Run before I could walk' moment. Of course, the Thailand part is one I really must think about. When I'm doing it. Looking into the flights. Changing my way home accordingly. This is the one I must begin planning now. In fact... I really do need to change my way home. As much as I miss home (not really the place, just my friends) there is no way I want to be going home at the end of the month. At this stage that would be ridiculous.

I haven't seen or done enough that to turn around and go home wouldn't be my biggest regret. I need to get a feel of the culture. I need to explore the nitty gritty. All the real stuff. I had a little holiday last week. It was great fun. I was in my element as a tourist, playing with roller coasters and people dressed in Animal suits. But it wasn't quite how I wanted to see it. The theme parks are great and all, I adore all that stuff. I'm not quite sure how I feel about Sea world, what with my stupid fish phobia but I did manage. I'd like the next bout of travelling to be like it was when I was a kid. Jumping in the car and taking a few wrong turns to end up somewhere spectacular. Somewhere that the tourists don't know about.

I should probably grab the map out again. Considering that I may be starting work again in a month or so, I still have a little bit of time where I could be seeing things. I need to get my act together. I've done what I can now to make some more money. So for the rest of the time I should do the travel bit. I have a few trips planned, but I wonder if I can fit in a few more. As I'm writing the excitement and longing for adventure is setting in again.

Even if I am being proactive on starting on some Volunteer farm work before I begin another job. That would be a little weight off my mind. I can probably clear at least 3 weeks of that. Which is another thing. To get my second year Visa I have to complete 'Farm Work'. 88 days. I wonder how on earth I'm going to fit that in. Then I think about it in the long term. It means that I have another year here to do the travelling side. Meaning there is less pressure to fit it all in to the next 6 months. I'd be mad not to do it. Plus it would be an experience in itself, especially the place that I would be going to. When you work there, you become one of the 'Field Mice'. Apparently there's even poles to dance on at this place. Its like the freakin' Playboy Mansion.  Of course I need to spend time at this place. It sounds like amazing fun. Maybe it will help bring out the party girl I lost on the mountain.

So there we have it. Ups and downs and conflicts in my head. But already putting it into words is making things a little clearer. I'm off to make enquiries and put plans into action now.....