Journal 181

Busy day. Weird day to be honest. Lots of things going on in my noggin.

I had a meeting in the hair salon today. It went alright. They seem friendly enough in there. And maybe a bit desperate for a therapist too. I'm not sure. It could be the start of my career. Its just it set my mind off on overdrive. And I know that happens to me a lot, but still, it's annoying this time. I went on a downhill spiral today. I know this feels like the right thing to do. That it's time to do it.
However I do worry that it will make doing other things difficult. Like my farm work for getting a second year Visa. Or more travelling. It's torn me a little bit. I have to make a decision about what I want to do as the extra thing.
I know in my heart I just need to let things happen as they are going to. That's how it's meant to be. There's no point anyway, as I haven't even got the job yet. But it's just that I want it. So much.

But my brain has been in such a fuddle today. I knew it was time to ask for guidance. Especially after I played the Purple Chakra Chime: Intuition. Interesting. And my cards made lots of sense too. I didn't feel they had answered my question properly. But as time went on this evening, I realised that they had, and were beginning to show me the answers. As they always do.

I must follow my own heart, be true to myself. After all, I can't please everybody all at once. Somebody is bound to be upset by something I say or do. So I guess if I just start to please me, it shouldn't matter if somebody else is upset. Not to sound selfish. Of course I need to e considerate of those around me. But I must also make the decisions for my benefit. I may decide on things, but I may also decide that I want to do something different halfway through. I don't think that it wrong. I think it is what is meant to happen. You are meant to choose the path you are on. Sometimes there are obstacles. Sometimes we fight the obstacles, and sometimes we avoid them. But no matter what, we still end up where we are meant to be, at the time we are meant to.

I know most people are happy for me. They understand that I am doing this because it is right. They don't begrudge me this. I know that people miss me. And I miss them back too. I chatted to a good friend about this subject. I've known her for years. And she knows me very well too. She told me that nobody should make me feel pressured and that I should be 'Doing the Oz thing to the max'. I won't let peoples feeling cloud me too much more. Or influence my decision. Hell, if I want to move here forever, I don't need to justify that to anybody. The only thing I should be worrying about is what the next adventure here is going to be. Of course I think about my friends and family. Ultimately though, if I want to know what is happening, I'll ask. If they want to tell me anything, they will. I can't let other people's feelings influence me. My sister longs for me to live here with her. That's her passion and she'll fight the case damn well. But that might not mean it's for me. My home could be in an igloo at the south bloody pole. I don't know yet. But when the time is right, I will know.

I do not wish to upset anybody. Not at all. But I am in one of my blunt phases it would seem. It's probably a bit dangerous. But heres to Truth and Integrity.