Journal 247 - Australia

The onslaught has begun.
A few days away from the farm, but the workload is just as high. It may have something to do with the sudden heat blasts I've been experiencing. Summer has arrived in full force and trust me, it certainly makes up for the poor excuses for a 'heat wave' that the UK has given me over the last 23 years. With temperatures in the forties I only have to sit still and I break into a sweat.
I have acclimatized far better than I imagined I would though. It's true when they say that the heat is a different kind here. Its a little unbearable right now, but I'm certain we are due a thunderstorm.

It is also only six days until Christmas. I'm still not prepared for what is likely to be in store. I am glad about the thought of ice cream knowing I'll likely sweat out any of the fat and sugars, thus still fitting the slender 'bikini model' figure I've been working towards since I arrived in the country eight months ago. And that alone seems like it was only yesterday. I definitely feel as though I'm getting used to things here. It will surely be case of finally feeling settled and then it'll be time to leave. I won't think of that though. It's still a long time away. Well, at least until I'm likely to reach actual 'home'.

I've spoken to a few people in the last few days, who have seen and done things that I am yet to embark upon. When asked when likely to go home, one replied, 'I really hope never, I don't want to go back there.' Another has been in Australia for three years and also has no real plan to return, at least permanantly, to the UK. I can't say I disagree either. Life is far too easy here. Not that it's a bad way for life to be. In fact it's pretty fantastic. Just today I was walking home and was being smiled at, and said hello to by other people. It was a foreign concept almost. Its so rare for people to even make eye contact, let alone smile or say hello in the UK now. I'm sure if people were friendlier the way of life would be so much easier.

People complain and whine far too much. A lot of people told me I was the same a few months back. I never had a positive comment to make. I always saw the bad side to everything, and most of all, I was always complaining. That's not a good way to be. People don't like a complainer. It rubs them up the wrong way and ultimately brings them down. I mean, apart from the heat, I really have no issues. Even that is a stupid thing to complain about. Whats wrong with getting a little more Vitamin D into the body and having some colour? Of course, all in moderation, but I don't think I can get enough of being happy and energised each and every day.

So really, Summer is in full swing now and I am certainly happy about it. I'm happy that people are smiling, enjoying their lives. And with summer come other wonderful things. Like beers, boats and wakeboarding along the river. I got back into the water sports over the weekend and it was fantastic. I was a little terrified. I had no real choice but to get in and get on though. No sooner was my life jacket on than I was shoved head first into the water. At least I had no real time to think about it. It was a good work out too, my arms were aching for at least three days afterwards.

I'm so up for this lifestyle for the next four months. I've already had a fantastic trip so far and I can only imagine it getting better and better.

Journal 236 - 241

I must be careful. I can't life life on the edge too much. Relaxing. Take it in. But most of all, be careful

I drove past fields that were making up the landscape of the scenic view I was seeing along my journey. The crops and hay bails were spinning, or seemingly so. Its funny how the world almost seems round when you look at it in motion. Like when you are walking. Maybe it is only me that sees the world in it's spherical form when I look down at my feet on my travels.

On the way to Deniliquin, the farm I hope will shape the way towards my next adventure, and my second year Working Visa. Only five minutes from City life and already concrete disappeared to make way for the yellow and greens of the seemingly dry and dusty crop-lands and tall overgrowing trees. Silage tanks, tractors, crop machinery,barns and milking parlours replaced the shopping complexes, glass buildings and fancy apartment buildings. Until I saw the odd palm tree I could have totally forgotten I was in Australia at all.

I looked out to the fields and wondered just how many snakes and spiders and other beasties were hiding there, in turn wondering how many of those would be in the farm I was heading to. I'm disappointed a little that I have not yet encountered such wild life . I thought it was a given that they would be there to greet me at the airport. They were not. Still, I expect I will see them in the upcoming months.

I really don't know what to expect when I arrive in Denny. Will I be putting my hand up various animals behinds? Running from chicken? A phone call from a Scotsman later though and I am certain that all will be well here. I arrived to Roast dinner and Beer. Perfect. Shouldn't get used to the easy life too much though. Fires are blazing in the alcove outside, the halls are so creaky and noisy I often mistake myself for a stampede of elephants and I suspect the building is haunted.

I wake up to the sound of geese and Kookaburrahs. The sun is blasting an impressive heat. I can hear various engines, perhaps the boat out on the river. There's also a Dancing Pole in the courtyard. I was right. This is the farmers Playboy Mansion. I noticed puppies (not that kind) crying for mums attention. This place is incredibly beautiful, peaceful. It would make a wonderful country getaway.

Kittens prowl curiously around. I'm off to feed the chickens and pigs.It is hard work on a farm. I am certainly no longer craving the gym. Painting and gardening takes it out of you somewhat. A spot of fishing to catch dinner. No fish, no dinner. Thank goodness for Aussie BBQ culture. And more beer. I haven't had an evening without beer after work since I got here. I don't even like beer. I've changed. Of course the day would not be complete without a dip in the jacuzzi would it?

Journal 235 - Australia

Things are changing again. This is a regular thing for me these days. Nothing I do is set in stone anymore. I feel more free, like I can do anything.
I've made the next vital leap in my travels. I just booked my tickets to a place in the middle of nowhere to begin my next journey in this country. Its going to be an experience I'm certain of that.

I'm a country girl born and bred really, it's just that that lifestyle was dying off a little by the time I was old enough to really understand it. Of course I remember running around the fields and woods with my cousins, them playing nasty tricks on me which, nine times out of ten would likely land me knee deep in Cow shit... However, I'm not really cut out for that kind of work anymore. I've never physically milked a cow, or shorn a sheep. I couldn't even collect eggs from the chicken coop when my Uncle asked me to. I had/have an irrational fear of birds (this probably stems from some result of my cousins aforementioned 'nasty tricks') I'm not sure how I will be faring by my return from the farm.

Knowing me even if I really can't handle it, I will put up with it for the sake of the gains that come with this part of my travels. Eighty-Eight days of chasing chickens and 'shaving' sheep. It sounds a lot of time. Time which will be so worth it for what I get in return. A whole extra three hundred and sixty five days in this beautiful country. Checking out all the bits I'll be missing this time around. Plus all the fun I'll be having when I'm not working. Like Wake-boarding across the lakes. Riding quad bikes. Taking long hikes..... Well no I can't see me doing that either, but if it's on paper maybe there's a slightly higher chance?

I'm also looking forward to being around some new people. Making more new connections. And sharing stories about where other travelers may have been over the years. I'll be drawing inspiration. I'll probably be getting jealous... I just can't shake the 'Travel Envy' these days. I'll be thinking of all the wonderful places that I'll be going to before I go home, and maybe even after I get home. I am looking forward to being back around like-minded people. I'm young and on the road and I need to be back around that culture to remember why I came out here. It wasn't solely to work or pick up a career. It was to see the place. I think I've become a little to settled in Albury, with my job and very easy living situation.

I need to wake up and remember the 'Work-life' Balance. It's time to bring some more play into life. Not get bogged down by the mundane day-to-day necessity that is work. I have a whole life ahead of me to find my path in my work life. Yes, of course I need to earn my keep, but right now it shouldn't be at the cost of not seeing the world while I have the chance to.

Lets not forget, I am a twenty three year old, with no partner, no house, no real solid career and no dogs.... I need to embrace this. Life is going in the direction it should be at present, no fusses, no real responsibilities, just life. Experiences and a reawakening of the mind.

Journal 230 - Australia

Faraway music, memories of wine and cocktails, and the ache of dancing feet.

I was worried about last night. This week I had been wondering how a social outing with my colleagues would turn out. After all, they were likely to see the side of me that I generally keep away from the workplace. I kept trying to remind myself that I would be seeing that side of them too and not to worry so much.

I did have to make super effort to look amazing for the evening too. I've never thought I would particularly fit into the Hair and Beauty stereotype. The truth is though, that we are all just people. Nobody looking at our group would know that we were all a bunch of Hairdressers and Beauticians. Still, I was going to dress to impress. I didn't want to let the side down.

And now I've cut my hair shorter, I really feel like I have to girl it up even more so. I think I did pretty well. I put some extra slap on and a pretty tutu dress.We started the evening with an exchange of Christmas gifts under the tree. (Still way too surreal, all this, Christmas with the sun shining lark, I suppose I should just get over it and get used to it though). I must admit i felt a bit awkward doing the gift thing. But my gesture of flowers was received well. And I certainly enjoy my new fluffy slippers and jewelry pieces. The champers got popped open and the evening was begun.

Onto town for tapas and cocktails. So much laughing. Then onto the next bar. My first experience of a 'Cougar Bar'. And the beginning of the mission. 'Operation: Visa Husband'. I don't really need to explain that one do I? Well, the girls want to keep me in the country. They must have approached at least twelve different men, asking if they wanted and English Wife. A few thought they were crazy. Others were genuinely interested. One was little unsure, because 'It's a lifetime commitment'. So sweet that he had actually gotten to that extent of thinking about it.

It was pretty fun. And I was touched that these ladies were going to so much trouble just for me. You could say I feel like I fit in now. I needn't have been worried. We laughed, we danced, we bar hopped. In fact we hardly spent five minutes in one place it felt like. One minute we were at the bar, drinks in hand, the next they were gone and we were out of the door. Jodes was horrified. She didn't like playing 'Skull it'. She told us off, saying we were 'Supposed to make love to your drink, not rape it'. But it appeared us girls were on a mission.

Of course, the more they drank, the funnier my accent became. And the more I drank, the more relaxed my accent became. And the circle went on for a while. As I my accent went more and more towards London, the more they laughed at me. In a nice way. In fact, I was told 'I like you as a Bogan Pommy.' It wasn't really a compliment, but at the same time it wasn't an insult either. In fact I think it might have been a term of endearment, of sorts anyway.

Journal 222

What an eventful few days. I have put my mind through a lot this weekend, learning new things through three different courses. And I'm so pleased to have gotten back into the swing of learning. As i thought it reminded me of how to and how not to do things. Even the smell of the training room brought back nostalgia from five years ago, when I first learnt to massage and wax and polish. ( I make it sound like I'm a mechanic, not a beauty therapist). It was wonderful. If the weekend taught me anything it was that we are all human. I have no qualms anymore about seeing other peoples naked bodies. I did think it was going to be a little awkward, being that close to peoples private parts, but it really did turn out to be natural. Sort of. My prudish side did not make an appearance shall we say. In fact I barely even thought about it. As i say, we all have the same biological make-up, and I really need to get used to it if looking at peoples intimates is to become part of my 9-5 regime.

I adored getting back into real massage techniques. this is really my real passion in the industry. I love knowing that I have just relaxed somebody to the maximum and put so much hard work into doing so. Its incredibly rewarding, the only problem is after 6 hours of doing massage, you need to have one yourself. But the Indian Head massage is such a great course. Its the 'quickie' massage. Any one can have it, anywhere, anytime and it relieves you and makes you feel wonderful afterwards.

Then for spray tanning. yesterday I was given my very first Spray Tan. I was the last model, but it was great fun to be given a treat. I think the pressure had built up in the nozzle though and it all ended up exploding all over me... The tan solution, of course. It was pretty simple to learn, so an easy little money maker. Just hoping that we can set it up somewhere in the Salon. Perfect ensemble, Hair, Make-up Nails and tanning. One stop Beauty Shop!

So it seems I am feeling pretty clever, proudly displaying my three brand new Certificates of Attainment for very popular treatments in the industry. I'm moving on with the times. I don't really understand why they don't offer these treatments to study while you are still  in the first few years of training. Money making aside of course, surely these treatments are the ones that most Salons look for on a Resume. I don't think I've ever been to a Salon or Spa that doesn't offer these treatments. But then, most education is mad really. Schooling for example, when do we really use the Pythagorean Theorem in day to day life? The system needs a bit of adjustment somewhere, but that's a rant for another day!

In my last blog I mentioned I was feeling more centered in my self too. And I'm still on track with that. There is only so much I can do for now. I'm waiting on decisions from other parties, but now I have relaxed my thoughts everything is settling. It all feels right. Its taken a while for me to get into life here to let go of life at home and to be satisfied with my own day and achievements. I've figured out the importance of being in tune with myself. I also realised how nothing can stay private on Social Media and how it was time to let things out. I think my main concerns were only that way because I felt the need to keep my plans a secret. But in truth, those who know me well understand that my mind changes constantly and are there for me even if it is hard to keep up. It's just that I have a big imagination and sometimes it runs away with me....

Journal 220

I'm feeling more centered. I seem to have finally let go of things that have been holding me back. I'm making decisions for myself. In the last few days every option that I have tried out in my head seems to sound like the right one. It's wonderful. I feel like it really wouldn't matter which way I went now, it would lead me right.

I'm not saying too much about what may or may not happen in the future, I've made that mistake before and it's all gone terribly wrong, or right of course or else I wouldn't be doing what I am now! But still, I'm not getting my own hopes up just now as I have learnt, and feel it is important for everyone to realise too, that circumstances change and not everything goes to plan as you expect it to. The littlest things could be the change you weren't expecting. You could be making plans for years ahead until something/someone/someplace/some-whatever comes into your life and changes fate. The truth is, that thing was always going to happen at that point. That thing was fate, and everything you were doing lead up to that moment, even if you didn't know it.

As I said, I'm not sure how the next few weeks are going to pan out or what answers I will get. But I'm not too scared about them happening however they would like to now. Every chapter from now is a good one, each one is part of my journey. I have lots to look forward to. Starting with my new learning venture tomorrow. This week is mapped out to be a busy one.

Tomorrow I learn all about the wonders of 'The Brazilian Wax'. I must admit I'm a little worried about how I will cope, as we will be practicing this on real life models. I'm hoping 'professional Amy' will take over and that instead of being faced with some strangers lady-garden, it will feel like a perfectly natural activity to undertake. After all, I will be adding it to my list of skills. I am also studying the more relaxing and enjoyable art of Indian head massage tomorrow afternoon. I'm going to have a lot of information to take in that is for sure. I am looking forward to this though It's another thing that just feels like the right thing to do. I am again ready to get in to the classroom and open my mind to learning again.

I never had an interest in further education once I left college. I think I'd had my fill for a little while, after twelve years compulsory education. It takes it's toll as I'm sure everybody knows! But now I think after working in retail for over six years now and having finally realised my potential in my industry (Beauty, not retail), I know it's time to broaden my horizons and get back in touch with whats happening in the world I work in and be in a position to constantly improve. I think it was Mumma B, once told me, that it is important to keep up to date with things, grow and expand. If you are always on trend then your work/business is always moving forward. It never gets boring for your target market and you are always bringing new things into your world.

So things are happening in my world at the moment. Its exciting and it's a new beginning.
What I really hope to put across though is, that things happen in life. As I mentioned before, circumstances can always change. The best way to deal with that is to flow along with these changes. Understand that life is moving along and not everything is set out as you may have originally planned it. What does not change is that we all end up in the place we are going at the time we are meant to. I don't doubt it.

Everything happens for a reason.

Journal 216 - Australia

Officially Month seven since leaving the UK. How time flies!

I have made more of a conscious effort to work on my Health and Fitness over the last few days. I have been taking walks around the block in the evenings, spending time in the sunshine and fresh air. I've also been inspired by new healthy recipes for my day to day menus. For example, Berry smoothies, yoghurts and salads. The other day I even had a salad at lunch on a designated 'Fat Day'.

I'm feeling more excitement towards the courses I have booked in this weekend. It feels so wonderful knowing that I will be learning new skills to further my career and hopefully opening my mind in many other ways too. Perhaps this is where I will begin to meet people in the area. Through all studying the same courses you'd hope that they would be like-minding and on my wavelength. I suppose we shall see.

I'm also excited to be putting into place the farm work. I realised how important it is to perform the means to have this opportunity again. If I want to come back to this country, it will only be on a holiday visa or by residence. So while I am here I may as well take some time to create another opportunity. Other wise it might not happen. You can't get something unless you work for it. It may seem a lot of effort at the time, but it's often the hard work that makes the end result worth it.

I'm a true believer in working for what you want. It sets you up with the right values, makes you appreciate what you have. Working hard and earning the greatest rewards is all part of the learning curve of life. At the end of the day, nobody idolises somebody who has greatness and success handed to them on a silver platter. Personally, the people I look up to are those that started small and allowed their dreams to take them on a journey. A friend told me 'Chase your dreams. Never give up on them' So that's my plan. To be a dream chaser. To grab what I want.

The last seven months have worked out quite well in that mindset. I'm aiming to take chances and live without regretting the things I never did. To not look back and wish I had done more.

I can feel new things coming, exciting adventures. Just about in front of me. I have a new plan of action and some New Beginnings. Everything is about to fall even more into place than it is now, and I will get my second year visa. I know this is going to happen. Who knows, maybe I won't use that visa, but at least I'll have it there waiting for me when the time is right.

Journal 214 - Australia

I have had a wonderful, lazy Sunday. I've spent time in the sun, drank ciders and chatted with Lou. I have also people watched, something I love to do!  I've noticed, that as I'm getting older people's weekends are getting more structured. Gone are the days of drinking and dancing four nights a week, every week like we did when I was eighteen. Now it is more about working nine to five, Monday to Friday with early nights at 9pm after a long commute. On Friday that sigh of relief comes along with the knowledge that you won't have to get on the train again for two more days. The ride home seems that little bit longer still, with the longing for a curry and glass of wine taking you over. Friday night has become the night to sit in, chill out and watch Eastenders over a takeaway, releasing the energies of a long working week.
Then comes Saturday, where people head into the town for a day of clothing and grocery shopping. Being leisurely after a spectacular lie in until at least 9am. Wonderful. If you are going to be going out on any evening over the weekend, it's likely to be Saturday night. It's probably going to break the bank with the over priced entry fees and drink prices. But it doesn't matter. It's a time to let your hair down.
Plus why wouldn't you, with Sunday being the Lazy Day and giving you twenty-four hours to recover before the working week begins again, it's the best option.

I am much looking forward to getting into this 'grown-up routine' myself. Not too soon though, I'm not looking to wish my days away. Lou and I were in conversations about missing home and wishing that we were with missed friends. Discussing what it would be like to travel with them. She asked if I would sometimes like to just teleport home for a day or two. That would be nice, but I'm not sure that's what I would do. That comment made me think about what I have here, in Australia, what I need to make the most of and how quickly time can fly by. I really shouldn't wish the days away until I get home. So I really need to start thinking about all the things I'm going to be doing while I'm here and make them happen. Things that will really make me look back and be proud that I did it. You know, stories to tell the Grand-Kids!!

My first plan is to spend New Years somewhere amazing. I've always found this time of year to big a big Ho-ha about nothing much really. A bit like a birthday. It's just another day only  the numbers change. But considering I'm in a different country I ought to experience something new. I don't want to be tucked up in bed by 10.30 being a New Year scrooge just because I've had a bad time in the past. I'll have a good few weeks off too, so I may as well make the most of it. I can go surfing, look at all the 'sights' on Bondi Beach, have lunch by the Opera House. Go on a proper holiday. I keep having to be reminded that I'm on holiday. A working Holiday but still. I need to make it work for me. Besides, I've already worked more months than most backpackers would. I deserve a break. After asking a good friend for advice on my next moves and plans, she just said 'it's about time you did something for you, make the most of your time out there babe' And she is so right. Time is short and I ought to do all the things that make my memories exciting!

It will be the height of summer here so I should ring in 2014 on a beach with fireworks and Ice cream. That would be the stylish way. If I can throw in a 'Proper Aussie Barbie' in there too, then it would be all the more awesome!
I've decided I want as many Australian experiences as I can. Who knows when this opportunity is going to come around again?

Journal 212 - Australia

I have been proactive these last few days. I haven't been content with just standing around and sweeping up (which actually admittedly, I do rather enjoy, don't ask me why). I'm just sure that I'm worth more than only having one client a day. I felt as if I didn't really deserve the money I was earning. I was even feeling that my colleagues begrudged me being there, even though I was helping them to do their job. I just felt it was time to do something more. So I took drastic action. 

I made a poster. Yes, that's right. I decided it was time to take matters into my own hands. I didn't think that the girls were promoting me. Or at least not from where I was standing. You know what they say, if you want something done your best off doing it yourself. And after all, it is my career and my side of the business, I shouldn't be relying on them to do all the work. I want this and I must prove it. I spent an hour or so making up flyers, then a further hour delivering them to the local businesses. 

I'd like to think my time was well spent. Hopefully tomorrow morning I will go into the salon and my column will be just as full of back to back clients as the other girls. After all I've made the effort so gaining something out of it would truly be wonderful. I know I raised some interest at least, one girl even approached me on the street and asked 'Are you a hairdresser... Do you do nails and that?' So I suppose I was doing something right. 

On arrival today I also tried different make-up styles. I've not worn so much slap in a long time. Or possibly ever. I kept jumping at my own reflection because it was so unfamiliar to see myself like that. I just felt I needed to step up to the look, become more of what people might expect to see when walking into a House of Beauty. Somebody that is well made up and presented flawlessly. It will take some getting used to, but in truth I quite enjoyed it. Plus it means I will relish my make-up free days even more so once the 'war-paint' comes off. And that's what it is. War-paint, a mask to get through the day, a camouflage in fact. I almost see it as a way to keep my work life separate to my real one. I could get used to putting on this show. 

Even though the last few days have been a little slow, I do enjoy my work. I have found a passion in my career path and all the time I am putting in the effort, I am getting it all back. I have explored different avenues and ways to show my passion. After all I my profession is one of the most relaxing ones to be in. It also gives a great sense of satisfaction. I spend my day chatting to and making lovely ladies feel amazing about themselves. Another thing I am quite enjoying is I have an excuse to act a little ditzy at times. Not always, because I could never get away with it. People that know me know that I am cleverer than the average stereotype of a 'Dumb-Blonde-Beautician'. Which I really hate as a stereotype. Still it is fun to play up to it on the odd occasion, like when I'm not sure what a word means or I have a blank moment.  It does not mean I am in any way condoning people placing Beauty Therapists and Hairdressers into that stereotype. We are all far more clever than we are given credit for. And what we lack in a degree in rocket science we do make up for in Common Sense and the ability to create hair and make up to turn each and every woman into a Goddess. 

Journal 206 - 208 - Australia

My weekend has felt like many days that have been super stretched out. My weekend trip was to begin on Saturday afternoon, but not before work, which turned out to be such a long shift, which really had nothing to do with the fact that Lou and I had explored the delights of the city nightlife. And by that I mean we simply sat on bar stools, drank ciders and Bundy and Coke while shamelessly people watching (bitching) all the people around us. There were many sights to see though, and a huge mixed array of people in the bar. It was great fun. Even if it did leave me a little tired and lethargic for the day ahead of me.

Another problem was that I had already hit holiday mode and couldn't wait to get out of there and onto my next adventure, thus fulfilling the 'Holiday' clause of my visa. I hopped on to the coach, for free I might add... Savvy traveler me!! It was a long journey. On arrival I did what I most love and wandered around the city in the night time, getting the feel of it. It being the centenary in Canberra there are new sculptures and plenty of street performers on most corners. I already got the arty and cultural vibe here.
On exploring during the day I was taken to a cafe, along with my two room mates from the hostel who I had befriended, even if they didn't really want me tagging along. I still did. We had crepes after hunting a place down in the rain. After breakfast we parted ways and I headed in to the Canberra Memorial. The emotions in this place ran very high for me. At times I felt as if I needed to leave due to the Overwhelming sense of sadness I was feeling. I decided to stick around though to drink in the History. I had suddenly been presented with the enormity of the effects that all of the wars have had worldwide. I was no longer having this information forced upon me for the purposes of writing an essay for my school history project. Instead I was there out of sincere respect. I listened to stories of families who had lost loved ones, unable to comprehend those feelings at all.

After this I headed to the Australian Art Gallery, just for something to do really. I enjoyed taking in all the art works, but I had a distinct feeling of the security having eyes on me like  hawk. You know, as if I'm going to get my Shrink ray out so i can fit all the paintings in my bag and sell them on the black market. Still, I enjoyed myself. I went for a few drinks after this in the pub near the hostel, having gatecrashed a Hen party. The ladies were not the sort I would normally hang about with. I felt a little to proper to be seen with them in fact. A near Bar brawl later and I decided enough was enough and cut it short.

Monday another day of 'things I wouldn't normally do'. Tagging along again with my new Hostel Friends we went to the Australian Institute of Sport (AIS) It's really not my thing. I wasn't athletic at school. Not ever really. Apart from the odd game of tennis or rounders. Still it was interesting all the same. Seeing the place where Olympians trained. My interest was slightly heightened given that I have more recently gotten in touch with Health and Fitness. I can imagine this place being a must for Sports Fans.

I have alos found Canberra incredibly cold. And Rainy. Which is a shame because it would have been lovely to explore more of the outside sights. Being as I was bringing out the real tourist in myself. I missed a few bits while I was here. I'm certain the place would have a totally different atmosphere in the sunshine. It will be somewhere I visit again. I'm learning that you can only touch the surface when you are travelling. Twelves months for one big country really isn't enough!!

Journal 200 - Australia

Today I have mostly been in my own mind. I've not thought much about anything else. I know this sounds a bit strange, but I've been taking time for myself all day. Getting into my own mind. And it has been insightful. I have been reading a very interesting book and a particular chapter caught me. It is a book about your own energies and magnetism and how things things you do affect your own life.
The chapter I was reading today was about relationships. All kinds. Friendships, family, colleagues anybody that is in your life. It said about the way you are around other people and the way you speak to and about them. I began an exercise this afternoon with this in mind.

It began with me writing down the names of various people in my life. Some I was friends with, some I have known for years, some I had not known long. As it turns out it was a very hard thing to do. Often I think we just like people because we just like them. But I was wondering, there must be a reason that we are attracted to certain people over others. There must be a reason that each and every person was in our lives, whether briefly or for as long as we can remember. This book told me that the way you speak or think about others will affect what comes into your life. A kind of Karma I suppose. So against each of the names that came to my head, I tried to write at least one good thing or something that I liked or admired about the person. What surprised me was that the people I thought I knew were the hardest. Possibly because I have seen some of their bad points, I'm not sure. Or maybe it was just because I was making mis-judgements on the people I didn't know all too well. I must also admit there were a few people that I had to leave blank, after all if you have nothing good to say, say nothing.

That also woke me up to the fact that maybe I had gained more perspective than I had first realised. The people I thought were my friends were in fact not. I also thought about how well they might know me, or indeed think they knew me and my realisations were even clearer still. Thinking back on conversations I had with them, where I would do something and they would say, 'Trust you' or something along those lines when actually that would be so far from something I would do or say normally. They'd probably be the ones to say that I had changed when in fact they didn't really know me in the first place.

It felt great to be so positive about people though. I enjoyed feeling good about the people I knew. Being happy about the assets that I could see from them. From their kindness, their beauty, confidence or just thier general love of their lives was great. I also found similarities in each of them. This book said that you would attract the good in people to yourself if you were giving out the good in yourself. That I suppose is what I have done. People have been attracted to the good traits in me and have shown me that version of themselves. I guess what I'm saying is that if I want to have kind, caring happy people in my life then I must be that way myself.

Something else that jumped out at me was this ; 'Gossip harms those gossiping When you stick your nose in to other peoples business, it gets stuck to your nose' meaning that when you talk about the bad things they will stick around with you. So don't gossip.

I also wrote ' See no Evil, Speak no Evil, Hear no Evil' down the other day. A great saying that has never had a great amount of meaning to me in the past. Now of course I understand it more, or I can relate it to my way of life more. It really does make perfect sense though.
I can't really promise that I won't join the gossip train from time to time, but I will be trying really hard to stay off the bad gossip train and instead talk about the good things that other people have done. Its so much nicer to hear anyway.
After all, if somebody wants me to know bad news I'm sure they will let me know first.

Plus my happy thinking today really helped when I was Christmas 'browsing'. I was thinking carefully about gifts and decided to give out things that I felt would benefit the receiver in some way. Something that would make them feel good, or put a smile on their face. After all, I think that's what I would want. I'd hate to receive a gift that I didn't particularly like that wold end up going to waste or no being fully appreciated.

And yes, I did just mention Christmas shopping. But lets face it, The festive season is only a little way around the corner. If I don't get into gear on it, I will simply end up forgetting all about it as none of this Summer-time Christmas thing feels quite natural. So I'd like to organise it all while its on my mind.

Please forgive me!!

Journal 199 - Australia

Today has been a long one. Stupidly long. I awoke at 5 am on the dot. I must've subconsciously sensed something was wrong as I am generally a lover of sleep until it is completely necessary that I should wake up. I went to turn on the lights. Bang, that what it was. Power had gone out. Fantastic. On my own in the house and the power goes. There was not much I could do about it this early, so I tried to get more sleep. But no. I was awake. Not just eyes open and still a bit sleepy awake. I was alert awake. At 5 am. I guessed I should try to trip the switch back.

I also thought that maybe I would have to phone into work. I didn't. After finding out contact details and everything, I actually found out that Call Out 'Sparkies' on the weekend in Australia are just as hopeless as the ones in the UK. So while at work I busied myself with cleaning and general pottering around. Before I had gotten to work though, I had other things added to my Series of Unfortunate Events. Of course I put this down to the fact I had not yet had my coffee for the day. Its important. Yes, I do rely on it, but it is my only one each day. After that I'm fine. Anyway, I had remembered to have my door key handy. Lucky really as it turned out halfway up the road I didn't have my work shoes. Then on making my coffee on eventual arrival at work, I managed to spill half of it down myself. What an absolute 'tard. Seriously.

Then of course I let the girls know what had been going on. They found it pretty funny. They were highly sympathetic and my boss was lovely, letting me make phone calls and the like while i was technically supposed to be working. Which I was. I just didn't have any clients. Then of course everything I touched seemed to crumble and go wrong. I do enjoy my relationship with my colleagues though. The banter seems to make everything so much better. I was having the worst day, but still it wasn't that bad. When Mila (as in Kunis... Striking resemblance) asked why the coffee machine wasn't working, I replied, it's probably because I touched it briefly. To the sound of laughter, naturally. See, I'm getting pretty witty. Apparently all it took was going to Australia to be mocked for being British. Give as good as you get isn't it?

Today also proved again how welcome I am in the Salon. I was offered help if I needed it, company and dinner should the power not have come back on. And even when the power did come on. It did get resolved. Only with more shenanigans which has resulted in me putting the contents of the fridge into an Esky (cooler). After of course going to by said product. Along with Some other shopping. It was quite an ordeal. I took the journey quite slowly. Which worried my that perhaps other road users were getting annoyed with my 'old-lady' speed. But I didn't really fancy the idea of having to pay for any damages. I'd already been scared by the thought of Electricians bills, which probably would have been 'at least a weeks salary' according to my boss. I also had a huge urge to go into the whole sorry mess of my day when asked How Are You, by the cashier at the supermarket. I quickly stopped myself. She doesn't give a damn. Besides, She works in a supermarket. She has enough problems (disclaimer: I realise there is no problem with working in a supermarket, but it must be dull)

Of course, I did try to look at the positives of all of today's occurrences. For example, I now have experience in dealing with a frightful situation within the home. I feel pretty responsible now. At least I know I can deal with this in future. Call it a practice run. And saving on electricity! What a bonus. Not to mention the fact I can now eat all the Ice Cream in the freezer, with reason and without having a guilty bone in my body. Well, we can't waste good ice cream can we? Plus, on my way to get ice (for the Esky) naturally I had to detour down the cider aisle. Again, totally guilt free. After today I think that if nothing else, I bloody deserve to have a drink.

So there we go. I'm off to cook the remains of the fridge-freezer and enjoy my ciders. Yum.

Journal 197 - Australia

Ooopsie. I think my last post might have been a tad too depressing! My apologies.
See I said it was unlike me to feel like that. all down and deflated. People started to worry after reading that. Mumma B even messaged me to check that I was alright. In fact she gave me some pretty sound advice (as mothers tend to). It was on this advice and reaction that I realised that there was nothing really in particular on my mind. I am in a much better mood now though, I'm sure you'll be pleased to know. After all, as Mumma B said, I am on Holiday (we forget the 'working' section of my visa, I am a 'Lady Of Leisure', according to some folk!) I'm not here to worry about things. Besides, I've had a great few days at work, again reaffirming that I am not totally out of place, or my comfort zone. That in fact nobody is going to come in pointing at me and shouting 'She doesn't belong here' as I had mentioned before that I thought they might.

I'm progressing shall we say. Tomorrow for instance I actually have three clients that have already booked in. I know it doesn't sound like many right now but I think its pretty good, after all I've only been there for a week. I'm getting there. The girls do like me and we've started planning the Christmas party. We even put the Christmas decorations up today. It was very surreal. Bright sunshine, 25 degree heat and a Christmas tree just don't mix together in my head. I think the next few months are going to feel like a dream.

It's been great to walk to work each day. Its just the perfect amount of exercise, also meaning I don't have to spend out on a Gym membership, I get to breathe in lovely fresh air and I'll get a tan building up. Not to mention I'll probably get a bit fitter and tone up somewhat. Bikini Body here I come!!  The girls think I'm mad though, walking to work everyday. They can't understand why I would do it. They don't understand, I haven't had a summer in a good 16 months. I NEED it. They seem to just take the beautiful weather for granted. It's very kind that they offer me lifts home where there can, but, honestly, I enjoy the time to myself. It gives me space to wind down and contemplate. Daydream.

And yesterday I had a lovely lady display feelings of gratitude towards some actions I had taken. I sent a parcel to a dear friend at home for her birthday. It was just a small thing. Inside I also enclosed a letter. I wanted to let her know how proud of her I was. And how much of an inspiration she is to me. And of course that I was thinking about her. I speak to her on a regular basis these days. Its funny how being away can bring you closer to people. We've been friends for years, but I somehow feel that since I came away our bond has become stronger. And it's fantastic. I've watched her become a new woman from afar, and even though I've not been physically there for her, I know that she has felt my support in many ways.

So really the last few days have brought me back up to speed. It's amazing how much a few positive actions can spread their way into your life and change things. Besides, who wouldn't want to be happy for the most part? A smile is contagious after all.

Journal 195 - Australia

You were there last night. Right next to me. In my dream. You were there. It was divine. But you're not here now.

I don't think I'm quite myself today. I'm not quite with it. I have had some terrible emotions flow through me today. Last night I went to a yoga class. A full one, not like the ones I used to do at home, with a mix of Thai Chi and Pilates. No last night I did the real thing, with Namaste prayer and all of it. It felt wonderful at the time. I even found my place of meditation, or at least I think I did. I hoped it would put me at ease with myself and I would find my inner peace. But today I just found myself introverted. I've been so happy the last few months, I'm not entirely sure why this feeling of deflation today.

Perhaps the class brought me to myself. Maybe it is just that there are a few things I need to work through. I need to let go of some things in my mind a little bit. Perhaps I just feel grouchy because of the niggling little headache I've had for the most part. Or maybe I just need to get away for a while. The stresses of settling into a new workplace could be tiring for me. I'm not doing too many hours or anything, but the pressure of getting everything right is quite full on. I'm taking a learning curve in something I really already know how to do. It's just that I'm rusty. I'm being watched to make sure my work is always on form. And rightly so, there is a name too keep up and I wouldn't want to ruin a reputation. It doesn't look good, on me or the business.

I was reassured that I'm doing a great job. I should really stop doubting myself and just get on with it. Working in an industry where you are judged most of the time is very difficult. I really am loving every minute of it though I do still feel at times that I'm not good enough, that people are going to rumble me and say 'Why is she here, she obviously doesn't belong'. I guess we all have these doubts to a degree when we are changing our pathways. I'm sure we wouldn't be human if we didn't. After all we can't all be perfect. We all make mistakes, Human Error. And of course I'm not terrible at this, otherwise why would my clients be booking in for more treatments?

I'm just being silly. I got to speak to my dear friend Miss W the other day. It's taken a very long time but we spoke and it was wonderful. I think it has made me miss home again though, wishing I could just be out dressing up and dancing and drinking. I miss my girls a lot (and my boys too, don't worry, I've not forgotten you). There just something about having the people you know there with you. I wish that they could share in all the things I'm experiencing out here. It would be wonderful.... Still, maybe I will get that chance to show them.

Perhaps I need to break out from this house, go out and explore the area more, get to know people and make some friends. Its just hard to do on your own. I guess I could book into a hostel in the center. The thing is, not many travelers head to Albury. Even the locals can't understand why I have my base here. Its that it's easy and I don't really have to go far to have everything I need. Most sight-seeing gems are a train or plane ride away. I think that's my conclusion. To head to somewhere else. Be seeing things.

That was my thing about tying myself down with a job . I went through it in my head. I knew it would be a great experience, holding me in good stead for the future, no matter where I end up. Only, it feels as if it is eating into my travel time. The real thing is though, I need to shake myself up and remember that not only is this great experience and will look great on my CV it's actually the thing that is going to fund my trips and adventures over the next few months. And probably help me out when I am home.

I have that travel list to work my way though... Almost an Australia Bucket list! I've booked in a few things but I can't wait for those. I'm too impatient. I need to do something NOW. Shake the boredom. So on my next payday I will put things in place to get me away for a few days. I don't want to be feeling groggy and deflated much longer. I need my space for a few days. I need to be seeing interesting things.

As for those strange, unwanted feelings? Well I need to deal with those too. But could I really do it, Could I say what I need to? Put things out in the open? I probably should. It'll put my mind at rest if nothing else.

But anyway. I'm off to book a flight to somewhere lovely.

Journal 188 Australia

I spoke to my parents last night. My mum seems pretty excited about the prospect of coming over to Australia for my sister's wedding. We even discussed a stopover in Thailand, which is very good, will probably be fun. Maybe. Either way I think they are trying their darnedest to get here. Mum also told me I'm not allowed to come back to the UK. I'm not sure how to take that. But I guess, mumma says...

Dad said I seem much happier. Those two comments together though seems like they are trying to get me to stay here so they can get residency without filling out too much paperwork. But it also says that this place is clearly good for me. I'm not quite sure I want to stay here though, not yet. I am certain I want to see a lot more though. I don't really feel like I've found a place here yet. A real 'home' in Australia. Sure, I could make do with some places if I ended up staying here, it's just nowhere completely fits just yet. Some people must think I'm mad for not instantly wanting to move here, maybe I am. I'ts got to feel right though. It can't just be because I feel pressured because everyone loves it here. I have to want to do it. Decide where I belong on my own. Truth is though, I've never felt that lost, I'm not looking for home. However, it is still hard to drown out other people's influences. I'll listen to my heart and my angels if I get stuck. They always see me right.

Today was my first day in the salon. It went even better than I had hoped it to. The day flew past and I even ended with an email of gratitude from my boss!'Thanks champ you did good today il cya,later in the week enjoy your day off :-)'  Winning.
I do feel I have at least got this right. The career path. I went out for work this morning, with my takeaway coffee, my made up face and donning the uniform I had left behind five years ago. As I walked up the street, I realised just how good it felt. How much it fit. Even if the uniform was two sizes too big. I was presentable to Salon standards, but not in an overly 'Blonde-Barbie-Essex-Bombshell' type of way. My clients were lovely all day.

Most of them are older ladies, but honestly some of the discussions I have had today. Of course I can't repeat it due to client confidentiality. Still, I guess I can tweak some parts and use false identities. I'm still getting used to the way people speak in this country. People quite openly referring to others are retards. This country definitely takes a chill pill where PC is concerned! And people talking about the infamous Chopper Reid like he's their next door neighbor, it all seems a bit surreal.

But I am enjoying it, my hours work well to accommodate my travel wishes too. It is pretty much going fabulously and feels so right. I've even been getting client re-bookings, so I can't be half bad can I?

Journal 185

Well, the last few days have been fantastic. I feel so good about everything at the moment.
The last few days I have spent following my dream. It is only small for now but it is my dream none the less. and that's the thing with dreams, they can get as big or as small as you want. Everything is in your head and the possibilities are endless. The only difference between your subconscious dreams and the ones that can determine your life are that in one there should be dragons and fairies and magical colours and in the other there should not. If you can figure out which way round it should be, I would say you're halfway to achieving those dreams.

And I finally feel as if my dreams are well on the way now. About a week ago, I got a job offer. I accepted. I knew that this wasn't really all I was here for though and decided to aim for something more. In 2009 I qualified in my chosen field, it took me two years to learn the skills but when I stepped out of college I found it harder and harder to land myself a job in the industry. I started to feel as if I was no good at what I did. Every Salon I walked into wanted two years of experience. At the time I wanted to make a living at this and wouldn't even consider 'working for free'. I felt that my opportunites should be given to me on a plate. This, I now understand was a dumb way to look at it. I might well be good at what I do, but there were people out there who had worked a darn sight harder than me. Most of them by taking the time while they were studying to get a Saturday placement thus gaining the experience that they would need to progress. After a few years of searching I then began to realise this but just thought it was too late and that nobody would give me a chance. I regretted not getting the experience earlier. I did still resent potential employers for being so 'unfair' to not give me a chance in a full time role.

My outlook on this changed about a month ago. After I finished the Winter season I thought about what I really wanted. I realised it was the thing I kept going back to. The thing I resented and thought I had wasted. But I got myself into gear again. I changed the way I looked at it. I changed my approach. After all nothing comes for free. You have to give to get something out. So I put myself out there. I showed my determination and and I got something back. I was totally honest with this potential employer and I guess it paid off. Perhaps she saw something in me that previously hadn't been noticed. Maybe she just liked me. It doesn't matter. I have finally got my foot in the door, I've stepped onto the career ladder. I am hoping too that they will be flexible enough to allow me some time off to continue my travels too!

In conclusion for today though, just remeber these things

• Nothing comes for free, sometimes you have to work hard for the things you want
• Your dreams are only as big or far away as you make them 
• You don't always have to climb the steepest hill first, it's OK to start small
• Never give up on what you believe you deserve
• Follow your heart, your head will eventually catch up

Journal 183

I have been getting alot of things done. It feels great to achieve things. Even if it merely doing the mundane every day things. Sometimes that is just enough.
I have begun to look into the next few things that I want to do while I am here. Its certainly giving me something to look forward to. I had questions answered for me. I haven't been sure when I would be booking my flights home and left it to fate to help me to decide. To tell me when was right. I decided to take the first date that was offered, that happened to be the furthest away. I felt this was the best way.

I have the details finalized. Now all I have to do is begin planning all the other things I have left to do. Also today I began Zumba again. I love it. It feels wonderful to be exercising. And it's even better to be having fun. Even if the instructor is a bit 'Dance Academy' style. I'd rather be getting the exercise than turning into a big fat lump. I want to feel good about myself. After all, summer is coming and I need to be on a beach!

Tomorrow I've got my Salon trial. I really hope it goes well, I'd like to be successful. I know if I'm not I have other options. Either way it will be nice to know what I am doing. To be able to have something to work around. I want to begin planning again. I'd like to know what I'm doing. Or at least have a rough idea.

I still have this long list. Even though I've done a lot I'm not convinced I've done enough. I'm not quite satisfied. I haven't quenched my thirst for travel just yet. I need more. I need to feed my brain with more wonderful things. New experiences. I need to awaken my senses and give them something more. I need to gain more perspective. Become enlightened. I need to push everything out of my head that is holding me back and just do what I need to.

I've found that writing letters is helping me. I have written a three month plan, full of goals and wishes. If it is on paper it makes more sense. It's black and white. It's final.
I'm also enjoying telling my story to my nearest and dearest by my own hand. It feels so personal and I love it. It's taking it away from the Social Medias and technology. It makes it more real somehow.

So tomorrow things will be more settled. I will know my direction. I will begin my plans. Everything will be right.

Tomorrow.

Journal 178 - 180

I'm doing this a bit backwards. Although in saying that, there is no real order in writing. You put down the things that are important at the specific time of writing.

But I must really tell you about my weekend. It was amazing.
We ( Lou and I) took a drive. Went off to the city to be all Carrie Bradshaw and Samantha Jones. Except were we in Melbourne and not New York. But the cocktails and heels certainly made it feel like we were. We stayed in Richmond. The Richmond Hill Hotel to be precise. The room was basic, and the corridors were a little musty. But it was a bed. The staff were lovely. The area itself is a little shabby, but I liked that. I liked that the buildings had a bit of chipping on the paintwork. It gave it character. We began at a Vietnamese restaurant, followed by two overly hipster bars on Swan street.

There was something about them that was just a bit to classy. The atmosphere was all wrong. We were ready to call it a night. Then we heard the live music. The Swan On Swan Street... Original. We stepped inside and it was as if it had all clicked. There were beautiful people everywhere. We danced and we sang. We even made new friends. The barman - No wait, he wasn't that high in the rankings, he was just a glass collector - made my heart melt every time he walked past. He was like Zac Efron. But much more attractive.
By the time we came home it was 2 am.

The next trip was to Chapel Street. Another pocket of the city that I love. Very alternative. It has everything you need. Cafes, bars, shops. You barely need to visit the city with Chapel Street in front of you. We lunched in a little cafe, where I tried Chai Latte for the first time. . Then we explored the Vintage shops and 'Op-shops' (that's a charity shop to us Brits). They were full of little gems. And the way they had been merchandised was amazing. It's true what they say ' One mans Junk is another's treasure'. We wandered up and down all day, taking in the atmosphere.

In the evening we explored the nightlife in the area (again) just a few Cocktails in the Electric Ladybug Lounge. Mine was skittles. I even got laughed at by a passing car for falling into a hole in the road. I wasn't even drunk, I swear. Chapel Street/Richmond is definitely a place I will enjoy visiting time after time. It reminds me so much of Brighton. It will have to be added to my top 10 list of Places to Visit. Maybe even my to 10 list of Places to Live. Who knows.

The main reason for being in Melbourne was to see a show. A show that even as I'm writing two days later, I still have songs stuck in my head. The Micheal Jackson Immortal Cirque Du Soliel. It was incredible. I think I'd have to see it again just to watch the bits I missed before. We were even involved in a flash mob. I would so recommend it. Incredible.

So there we have it, my weekend at Chapel Street and Richmond, drinking cocktails and going to theatres. I'm so classy.

Journal 181

Busy day. Weird day to be honest. Lots of things going on in my noggin.

I had a meeting in the hair salon today. It went alright. They seem friendly enough in there. And maybe a bit desperate for a therapist too. I'm not sure. It could be the start of my career. Its just it set my mind off on overdrive. And I know that happens to me a lot, but still, it's annoying this time. I went on a downhill spiral today. I know this feels like the right thing to do. That it's time to do it.
However I do worry that it will make doing other things difficult. Like my farm work for getting a second year Visa. Or more travelling. It's torn me a little bit. I have to make a decision about what I want to do as the extra thing.
I know in my heart I just need to let things happen as they are going to. That's how it's meant to be. There's no point anyway, as I haven't even got the job yet. But it's just that I want it. So much.

But my brain has been in such a fuddle today. I knew it was time to ask for guidance. Especially after I played the Purple Chakra Chime: Intuition. Interesting. And my cards made lots of sense too. I didn't feel they had answered my question properly. But as time went on this evening, I realised that they had, and were beginning to show me the answers. As they always do.

I must follow my own heart, be true to myself. After all, I can't please everybody all at once. Somebody is bound to be upset by something I say or do. So I guess if I just start to please me, it shouldn't matter if somebody else is upset. Not to sound selfish. Of course I need to e considerate of those around me. But I must also make the decisions for my benefit. I may decide on things, but I may also decide that I want to do something different halfway through. I don't think that it wrong. I think it is what is meant to happen. You are meant to choose the path you are on. Sometimes there are obstacles. Sometimes we fight the obstacles, and sometimes we avoid them. But no matter what, we still end up where we are meant to be, at the time we are meant to.

I know most people are happy for me. They understand that I am doing this because it is right. They don't begrudge me this. I know that people miss me. And I miss them back too. I chatted to a good friend about this subject. I've known her for years. And she knows me very well too. She told me that nobody should make me feel pressured and that I should be 'Doing the Oz thing to the max'. I won't let peoples feeling cloud me too much more. Or influence my decision. Hell, if I want to move here forever, I don't need to justify that to anybody. The only thing I should be worrying about is what the next adventure here is going to be. Of course I think about my friends and family. Ultimately though, if I want to know what is happening, I'll ask. If they want to tell me anything, they will. I can't let other people's feelings influence me. My sister longs for me to live here with her. That's her passion and she'll fight the case damn well. But that might not mean it's for me. My home could be in an igloo at the south bloody pole. I don't know yet. But when the time is right, I will know.

I do not wish to upset anybody. Not at all. But I am in one of my blunt phases it would seem. It's probably a bit dangerous. But heres to Truth and Integrity.

Journal 177

Well, these last few days have been very exciting!

Yesterday I received a job offer for the first job I applied for in the town. So considering I would probably still be looking for work if I was in the UK (after about two years in a part time job, which, even though I loved was never going to pay the bills), I think that result is pretty good going!

I also got some post. Very special mail. A big box of goodies from Miss W. It was so exciting. And there was a very large letter to go with it. Six pages of gossip that made me laugh and cry all at once. I felt very spoilt and very loved.

I get the feeling that yesterday was just setting me up for an even busier day today. I began today with a goal. I thought it would be a good way to start. I decided to look into Salons that might be hiring. I know I already have a job but I'm really not sure my ultimate ambition in life is to stay in retail. There's nothing wrong with it but I can't see myself in my 40's working in Topshop...

I think I've also realised I'm letting life slip past me a little bit. I've gotten a bit lazy even. Sometimes, you see opportunities don't just jump out in front of you, waving, blowing a whistle and saying 'Take Me'. Its not as easy as that. Most of the time, you actually have to make those opportunities yourself. Which is exactly what I did today. I wandered to town and visited a few Salons.  I think it was meant to be today. I had put something out to the world and the world was giving back.

I didn't get disheartened when I was told 'No' on a few occasions. I didn't give up. Instead I stuck around and had a chat to the girls. And then I got help. Real information that put me in the right direction. A contact. It felt so right. So I went on my way to to find this woman. We chatted and she was pretty certain she could find the right thing for me. And all of a sudden the timing was right. I was even telling her that I was ready to forgo all other jobs (while of course still earning money, I don't want to be broke, that's just silly) in favour of making a go of a Beauty career. This is what I want. I've finally admitted it.

It makes sense. I always go back to this field. I'm always trying to make a go of it. And today the time became right. Something clicked making me want this more than anything else in the world. Stage One in finding myself was well underway. Amazing.

So I have always tried. But not hard enough. I've not wanted it this much before. No though, It is time to succeed. Its time to get in touch with all that I learnt. Wear the Uniform. Put my knowledge to use. This feels good.
I may need some guidance, a bit of training. I might even have to tap into the patience thing that I seem to lack most of the time. I know I can do it. I know I can.

All I need now is one foot in the door and a big smile on my face.

Journal 175

It was nothing special. Not really. All I have done it Tweet lots and eat strawberries.
Yum.

I have decided to begin my exercise regime again. I have been wondering for a few weeks why I have felt so strange and down. I came to the conclusion it was lack of exercise. It's only been the first day and I already feel so much better for it. I must remember to take the before pictures.I did also tag on Twitter #IWillBeSkinny. A friend then told me off for mentioning skinny. It upset her. I guess she is right though. My aim shouldn't be skinny. I shouldn't put that out there. It should of course be 'Healthy'.

Perhaps that's why people have scolded me in the past for my gym addiction. I've merely been using the wrong word when asked why I go to the gym. 'To be skinny' would be my reply. When in actual fact it was to be healthy, happy and fit.  It always has been. Exercise just makes me happy. Its all the endorphin's. I've never longed to be a skinny twig bitch. Not at all. I just want to have a healthier lifestyle. I'm a size 10. In not Hollywood terms that pretty much makes me a rake. Especially with my height.

Something that people don't understand though, and probably the reason I use the word skinny, is because I was a bit of a chubster at school. Yes maybe it was puppy fat. But if I don't exercise I will pile on the pounds. Not fun. People don't believe that when I tell them either. I am happy at the size I am now and I would like to remain there. Sometimes it feels that people judge me for going to the gym to be 'skinny' because they think that you don't need to go to the gym when you're a size 10. Well you do if you want to maintain it. At least, when you're me anyway!

But either way, I still much prefer being able to walk across the road without feeling like my lungs are about to jump out of my mouth onto the floor. I like to take pride in being fit and healthy. I will stop using the 'S' Word though. I do understand it puts across the wrong message. I'm just looking to change the way I feel. Stop the withdrawals and feed the need I have. Get back in touch with my health and emotions. Just be happy. Simple.

And anyway, who wouldn't want to be happy all the time and eat Strawberries everyday. (unless you're allergic to strawberries. Then maybe that wouldn't be very appealing.)

Progression and Productivity.

I've been neglecting my hand written book in favour of the typed blog recently. I do find that writing with a pen can make it easier and less babbled. Plus I find I enjoy it more. Almost like reading a proper paperback book. Feeling the pages and that. It gives over an originality. So here you will have it, from my hand, to the screen, to yours, for your reading pleasure (I hope).

Today had been one of those busy days. You know, one where I have had a lot to do, but instead ended up doing other things. My list today included rearranging my flights home, cancelling contracts and an overall tidy. I've not really managed to complete any of these things. In saying that, I still feel I have achieved and progressed in my day and general life. I have at least begun to think about the next few stages and what I need to be doing to make it all come together. For example my Second Year Visa. As it turns out I don't need to take it up consecutively after this first year. This is a weight off my mind. It does at least mean I can go home for a little while, which I'm sure friends and family will be pleased about.

I keep picking up my laptop only to put it straight back down again today. Motivation has deserted me. But since my panic blog this morning wondering how on earth I will do all the things I'm need to, I have calmed. I've decided to change the word 'need' to meant. It just seems less daunting using that word instead. I have no idea why.  It just works for me in my head.

Still, even that being the case, I'll probably still end up leaving everything until the very last minute. I'm pretty good at that. Then I'll spend the next few weeks worrying about it until its done. Going over it in my head. Checking with myself that it's all straight. I really should just get on and do it when I first think of it. But that's too logical and sensible for my brain to deal with!

I am still impressed with my productivity.

1 - Decided on using my spare time for farm work - Very important for obtaining second year visa, seeing more of the country and getting in touch with the culture side of things I mentioned in the last blog ( I'll probably likely see a few snakes and venomous spiders during this venture - totally Australian)

2 - Deciding on my next Holidays. Thailand and Dubai. The obvious choices of course. I'm in Australia, why on earth would I think of going any other places for a Holiday. (except maybe Fiji. Or something)

So really I've come a huge way over the course of the day. I even managed to pack away all my winter clothing and snowboard. Being as I really won't be needing them at all in the next 6 months. That part definitely feels like the end of a chapter. The upside to that of course being that old cliche of one door closes another opens. A new chapter is about to begin.

So to hell with all the important things. For today anyway. I have something to do tomorrow now! I'll also find out tomorrow if my interview was successful. Or if i remain an unemployed bum for a little longer! I'll no doubt find a way to use that as another excuse to procrastinate from the important tasks for another day.
Meaning the list will lengthen. It'll be never-ending.
Oh bugger it.

Ok, Seriously. Tomorrow, I will do everything I'm supposed to.

I will.

I will, I will, I will.

Right...

Conflicts and Contemplations

You have to put it out to the world. You have to let the Universe know what you can achieve.
A conversation I had a few days ago led me to thinking (again). It's a wonderful thing, the power that each and every one of us has inside. There really is nothing too great if you can truly believe in it.
Two people have said this to me in the last few days 'You have to put it out into the Universe for it to become'.

And it is so true. I said I would go to Australia, and travel around, and I am. It's only the very first thing, but I truly believe that the things you put your mind to are the ones that will happen. It's the first step to acting upon your dreams. Talking about them. Once you begin to talk about them, they become more real. Even more so if you are to talk about them in a sense that you have already achieved them. If you live them and breathe them, they are already there. A part of you.

Recently I felt a little bad about planning other trips to different countries when I had seen so little of this one. I had a 'Run before I could walk' moment. Of course, the Thailand part is one I really must think about. When I'm doing it. Looking into the flights. Changing my way home accordingly. This is the one I must begin planning now. In fact... I really do need to change my way home. As much as I miss home (not really the place, just my friends) there is no way I want to be going home at the end of the month. At this stage that would be ridiculous.

I haven't seen or done enough that to turn around and go home wouldn't be my biggest regret. I need to get a feel of the culture. I need to explore the nitty gritty. All the real stuff. I had a little holiday last week. It was great fun. I was in my element as a tourist, playing with roller coasters and people dressed in Animal suits. But it wasn't quite how I wanted to see it. The theme parks are great and all, I adore all that stuff. I'm not quite sure how I feel about Sea world, what with my stupid fish phobia but I did manage. I'd like the next bout of travelling to be like it was when I was a kid. Jumping in the car and taking a few wrong turns to end up somewhere spectacular. Somewhere that the tourists don't know about.

I should probably grab the map out again. Considering that I may be starting work again in a month or so, I still have a little bit of time where I could be seeing things. I need to get my act together. I've done what I can now to make some more money. So for the rest of the time I should do the travel bit. I have a few trips planned, but I wonder if I can fit in a few more. As I'm writing the excitement and longing for adventure is setting in again.

Even if I am being proactive on starting on some Volunteer farm work before I begin another job. That would be a little weight off my mind. I can probably clear at least 3 weeks of that. Which is another thing. To get my second year Visa I have to complete 'Farm Work'. 88 days. I wonder how on earth I'm going to fit that in. Then I think about it in the long term. It means that I have another year here to do the travelling side. Meaning there is less pressure to fit it all in to the next 6 months. I'd be mad not to do it. Plus it would be an experience in itself, especially the place that I would be going to. When you work there, you become one of the 'Field Mice'. Apparently there's even poles to dance on at this place. Its like the freakin' Playboy Mansion.  Of course I need to spend time at this place. It sounds like amazing fun. Maybe it will help bring out the party girl I lost on the mountain.

So there we have it. Ups and downs and conflicts in my head. But already putting it into words is making things a little clearer. I'm off to make enquiries and put plans into action now.....

Options and Choices

Oh dear.
I'm not on one of the best ones today. I'm up and down and all over the place. I'm not sure why. I've been having such a busy few days I should barely have had time to think about how I feel really. But this holiday has led me down more of a 'thinking about stuff' path than I wanted.

I have done so much this week, I'm exhausted. Maybe that it why my head is running wild. I don't have the energy to stop it from thinking about all the things I can normally control. Turn off. Not worry about. And I'm not sure I like it.

Some of the things in my head have been wonderful. And the point is, I'm on a road of discovery. I'm finding myself. I'm not really much closer to it but I'm getting there. I think. I had a conversation with a friend, regarding business. And we've always said we'll do it. It's just that I'm not sure what I want.
Do I want to be self employed. A successful business woman, alongside a wonderful and dear friend.
Or do I want to work my way up in my current field. Excel in that and not have to worry so much about all the junk like overheads and stock costs?

I'm always wondering to myself why on earth I completed a course and then never got into the field in full swing. I've always dabbled. But never fully committed. Partly because I've never been given the chance and partly because I'm too lazy to allow anyone to give me the chance. Another problem I have is that I am unable to let things happen in their own time. I want things and I want them NOW. I want to be amazing at something that I have been doing for 10 minutes.

It doesn't work like that. Things take time to flourish. Practise makes perfect and all that. I haven't gotten to the real decision making point just yet. I'm damn close. I must be as I have at least realised that there is a decision to be made. An option to pick. I suppose I will always be worried about whether I've done the right thing. Aren't we all. Isn't there always a little hint of doubt in the back of our minds.

But if we had a looking glass that helped us see into the future before we made that crucial choice, life would be boring. The right thing to do is just to focus on what we want in our lives, at that moment in time, and strive for it. Things might change along the way. Its part of growing up.
When I was at school, I wanted to be a teacher. Or in some sort of child care. Now though, small children scare me and make me want to run a mile.

Taking a few baby steps to bring things into focus is a start for me. I'm not ready to take a huge leap just yet. I'm not ready to face the things in my head. I'm not ready to tell all the things that I probably should do. I'm too scared. I'm not ready to be let down by something so huge. Something that could possibly mean the world to me. I'm not ready to be broken just yet.

I'll leave the things out that I want to say. Just for now. It doesn't matter. When the time is right, I will be brave. I will open myself up.

For now I will bring in the other things I need. And not the things I want.

~IAY~

Public Transport and the joys of People Watching

Today has been one of those days. A lot has happened in what feels like a very small space of time. It has been a long, but equally short day.

One minute I was in bed, thinking about getting up and beginning my day. The next I was up and actually doing my day. It's funny how sometimes life can be like that isn't it? There are days which just go by so so slowly and others that seem to just zoom by. Is that something to do with our mood do you think? I have no idea. All I know was that today was one of those days in the latter category.

 I was up at around 6 am; I am staying on a small island where the ferries leave early and is around 2 hours from the city of Brisbane. So an early start was needed if I wanted to make anything out of the day. After getting to grips with my sea legs, I jumped on a bus. This is where I really began to people watch - A favorite hobby of mine. All sorts of different people joined me on the journey. It was strange to think that these people's paths would even cross at all. Even though just for a short bus journey. I love a bit of diversity though. It keeps things interesting. Which is very important for the spices of life.
One character caught me though. He was very quirky. He had clearly just become smitten with somebody. It was apparent by the way he held is phone a mere 3 inches from his face (this annoyed me, I'm not sure why) and had that stupid smile on his face. You know that one... And I thought how funny it is the way we make it so damn obvious that we have fallen or are in the process of falling from someone. I could tell this kid had and he was a complete stranger.
He also did a funny little 'chair jig' to whatever music he was listening to. Incredibly amusing.

After my people watching though, I did find myself in the City. Another place where I hadn't really known what I was expecting, but was in utter awe of.
 The buses are on an underground system, which is fabulous for avoiding city traffic. There are statues and sculptures on almost every corner. And the street entertainment was awesome too. Watching a guy sit and make spray painted master pieces was a great way to end the day.

I did also manage to enjoy my first City beverage today too. Sitting in the center of the promenade with a cold Rekorderlig Cider on ice. Enjoying the moment with a few friends and taking in all there was.

Plus being a tourist, I did make a trip to the tourist information. The lady in there was lovely, so interested in what the plans were and giving plenty of help and recommendations too. And of course, I had to do a little more of what I do best... Shopping!
I had realized my outfits where not really suited to the heat here. It was an investment, honestly. And the lovely girl in one store, who reminded me somewhat of Paloma Faith, (Even her face resembled) was really sweet. I'm not sure I could work with her all day. I think shes a tad too eccentric, even for me. But in a small dose, she was adorable!

But this was where my day was made the most I think...

Two girls in the shopping center, in a row, commented on my hair. Correctly.
I have been waiting for somebody to say it of their own accord and today it happened.
'I'm loving your Mermaid hair.' and Oh my 'God it looks like My Little Pony!'.

I think I love Brisbane.

Three States Two Days.

Taking it slowly, that's the way.

After a quick rest back at the Home Base on Sunday night, it was time to get back on the road on Monday morning. I was excited. The previous adventure had barely finished and I was already raring to go for the next one. A quick change in suitcase contents was needed. The two locations are very different. Once this was done, I said goodbye to the puppies, and of course my brother-in-law and was on my way with my lovely travel buddy.

So we set off on our adventure. It felt good to be on the road again. I was seeing wonderful things and smelling new air once more. It was divine. We took  a few wrong turns and went in the wrong direction. But it didn't matter. We were still getting to where we were going. Slowly, but that was OK too. All the better to open our eyes and see all there was. We even managed a stop off to see some of the natural delights along the scenic route. The rock formation 'The Three Sisters' being one. I was also beginning to notice it was starting to warm up the further north we traveled. I'm glad we were doing this gradually. We checked in at our first stopover to refresh ourselves ready for the next leg of travel.

A bright and somewhat early start for Road Trip Day two. I began the day a little more quietly than I had yesterday. It became apparent once we stopped for breakfast that this was down to the fact I had not had my morning coffee fix. As soon as I was fueled up there was no shutting me up. I was ready to go and even offered my driving skills. Not before a little stop at the beautiful Japanese gardens.

How tranquil. I decided that once I had found the place I was to settle, that my garden would not be too dissimilar to this one. Just maybe not with the Koi Carp included. Stunningly graceful, but my goodness do they scare the crap out of me! However, Fish or not, I was glad to have wandered around this place. The atmosphere almost sent me to Japan itself. It was called the Sensory Gardens and it was obvious why. An utter delight to be there.
I also laid on a gecko (note, gecko not real. It was a wooden carving, no need for alarm)

After this though, it was time for me to get in the car and test my driving skills. I didn't do too bad a job, considering I'd never driven in this car before. We did encounter one impatient driver. He was even ill-mannered enough to give me the finger as he drove past. A few words came to mind for him that I would rather not utter(type) on a blog site. I wouldn't want anyone to think badly of me after all. But honestly, he deserved my cursings!

We also made a stop at a small crystal museum. Not as exciting at the Gardens, but a good chance to stretch the legs none the less. And it was still getting considerably hotter. It looks like I am finally due my summer after a very very very long wait. I think Mother Nature will be making up for it too. Welcome to Queensland, average temperature; 38 degrees.


I'm not sure I will survive.

Ending Where I Started

I got let loose on my own. It really wasn't that bad at all. I gave myself a plan. To find the Victoria Market. The day was a success all round I think. But a little more about it.

I started off the day in my hostel room, determined not to make my way toward the McDonalds that is conveniently situated across the road. I wanted to have something different, something that wasn't on the High street at least. I even decided to walk into the city a different way. Instead of turning left at the traffic lights, I followed them straight on (rebellious, I know). But that route looked so pretty and I hadn't taken it before. As it turned out, the route I took was the 'back way'. Simply just the other side of the Casino that I walk past normally. Well, at least I wasn't lost!

Then I took myself on lefts and rights at random intervals, leading me up a street that was full of little cafes all serving breakfast. You could say it was all just going to plan wonderfully. I knew what I wanted, it was all about the pastries. I stopped off at a juicing bar, selling Ham and cheese Croissants and Pain Au Chocolat. The staff were so friendly and I even forgave that my Mocha was not to taste. The food itself was delicious!

I made my way to Flindlers Street, and perched myself on what I guess must just be the Square. It was a great atmosphere and the sun being out just made it even better. So my next port of call was to find the Market. It took me about an hour and a half, turning this way and that way and going back on myself a few times. But I found it eventually. To be honest, I was enjoying my own company that much I really didn't mind. I was just happy taking everything in, at my own pace.The market was like any other, Deli counters, Fruit and vegetables and of course the general market tat! 

Then I didn't really know what to do, so for the rest of the day, I wandered the city. I must've walked the same block around 20 times. I stood looking out at some of the building opposite me, watching some street entertainment. In fact I even got chatting to the guy. I should have known there was an ulterior motive behind this though. Its always awkward when a friendly chat becomes and in depth conversation about the devastation of the Great Barrier Reef and the coal that is slowly destroying it. (see at least I took it all in). A very clever way of getting peoples attention though.

Later in the evening, I did manage to make it out for a few drinks. Back to the roof top bar where my City experience began. The place was even better at night time. As with most of the city. Its a different kind of hustle and bustle. People are out doing what they enjoy. Letting their hair down. The music is funkier. The city at night time is my favorite time. 

I departed ways from my friend, and began to make my way home. It took me a few hours and two wrong trams but I got home in the end. Proving that all roads lead you in the right direction eventually. So after walking up the very street I had begun the day on, I had never been so glad to fall into bed. 

It was a great day to get lost in the City. 

Two Dollar Peep Shows and China Town

What an incredible couple of days so far. I am now in the city of Melbourne.
I had no idea what to expect before I arrived here. People told me I would love it here. I was doubtful. I'm not a city girl. Not in the slightest. I enjoy it for a little while, but the crowds and the rush put me off, especially in a place like London.

But that's not what Melbourne is at all. There is no feeling of being in 'The Rat Race'. It isn't enclosed or confined. The whole layout is totally spacious. Sure the streets in the main city are busy, but nobody is in too much of a rush. People acknowledge each other. They even make eye contact on the trains and other public transport.

I began my trip by getting very very lost, going in the wrong direction and holding up the afternoons plans by a few hours. Typical tourist. I am just lucky to know people here. I was taken to some great places last night. The first stop was a rooftop bar. There was a great atmosphere and some awesome views. Was great to catch up with people too. I could just imagine the feel of the place if there was a live band or the movie night that they hold there. Then it was onto bar number two. A place that was basically just a few fridges full of booze, on what seemed to be an old courtyard. There were plenty of quirky statues to decorate this place. And the wall art was pretty spectacular too. Then as the evening drew in more and more, the fairy lights came on changing the atmosphere once more.
Both places seemed very indie, almost a bit grimy. But in a good way. There were no expectations, everybody was just there for the same reason. A few drinks and making memories with people they loved.

China town was another delight. I tired dumplings for the very first time, which are delicious. Then more drinking, still in China town. A bar called ' The Asian Beer'. Straight and to the point. It was all very exciting here, a Chinese dragon show passed through the bar, which was very unexpected for a Thursday night, but added to the experience. It was just one of those evenings that didn't really need a plan but just went so incredibly smoothly. A spontaneous event. Ahh, I also forgot to mention about the peep show... Yes, I'm serious. This is what happens on these unplanned nights. You end up doing silly things like going in to $2 peep shows. You only live once though right? Whats that saying... When in Rome?? Well I'm in Melbourne and I might as well just go with the flow.

And today I have worn myself out by more wandering in the city. This time around I pretended like I wasn't a tourist. I thought people might take me more seriously if they though I was a local. We found a very cute little French restaurant, complete with servings of chocolate crepes and Croque Monsieur. I'm not sure the waitress was authentic French or if she just put the accent on to make us think we were in Paris.  But the service was delightful, real or not. What counts is the effort.

 And despite being a little sleepy and ready for bed, I am enjoying the city life. Its not as much of a shock to the system as I had thought it might be. Maybe its because people are friendly here. Maybe its just because I'm in awe of the skyscrapers and bridges, especially at night time. Its funny how a city comes to life even more when all the streetlights come on. It's going well. I'm not nearly as much of a wreck as I supposed I would be.

I'm looking forward to sightseeing tomorrow with no guides. Just me and my very poor sense of direction. Wish me Luck.
I'm going to need it!

Into the City

So today my new adventure starts again. Today I am an official 'Backpacker'. No need for a suitcase now, everything I'm supposedly going to need is fitting into my Tardis-like Rucksack. I've even packed my straighteners.

It seems after my episode yesterday 'Day One off the Hill' I am now incapable of leaving behind the 'luxuries'. I actually think I've done well, given that I am packing for four days in a city that literally has four seasons in a day. So much so I may have been a little hasty to wave goodbye to the snow when I did on Tuesday night.

But I am so excited to be doing this on my own. Getting on a train, travelling across two states in one day and then trying to find my hostel in a huge city I've never been to. I'm not even quite sure what I expect this place to look like. The place I'm in now is supposed to be a city. And it's nothing like what I would have thought. But I'm happy because this is my adventure. I do have two amazing friends there to help me, sightseeing, shopping and probably drinking (did I hear cocktails in the city!?)

But what gets me is that for the second time since I decided to pack up for a year and begin my travels, somebody has asked me if I'm nervous about it. Well, I'm not really. I'm excited. Yes of course it's something a bit scary, leaving what you know and just throwing yourself into the unknown, but I'm the one who decided to do it. Nobody pushed me into this. I booked the flights, I packed my case (actually that one did take some pushing... Thanks Miss W ;) ). But it was ultimately my choice. Maybe because I sort of know where I'm going and where I'm heading I don't need to feel nerves. Nerves only come with a fear of the unknown.

Maybe these people just have some fears of their own that they are trying to put across. Maybe they were even just trying to find some common ground with me during a conversation. I don't know what it is. I just feel like it's not such a big deal to do all these things anymore.
The big deal is all the things I've seen and done. In all honesty I could come to a new country and stay in a hotel room for 365 days.
There is no fun in that.

Today is the day I spread my wings. Today is the day I am independant again. By this evening, I could well be a sniveling wreck but I don't know that yet. Even though I do still feel a little like Bambi trying to walk, it's all part of the learning curve. But it is not the time for nerves. Only for opening your eyes, seeing all there is and taking everything in.

Otherwise how on earth will I ever be able to run?

Change for the Best

It's all getting a little bit more exciting. Tonight is my last night at Mount Hotham. Tomorrow I begin new adventures. As fun as this has been I will be glad to finally have something exciting to write about. Especially about my travels, after all that's the main thing I wanted to write about. But for someone who is a travel blogger I've not done much travelling. 

I know this part has all been the means to fund the travelling, and it has been a great experience in itself. I have met wonderful people, some of whom I am certain will be lifelong friends, even at a distance. Plenty of excuses to visit areas of the country I may not have done before. Hotham has been a wonderful place to start. I'm not really sure what plans I would have made if I hadn't come here. And temperature wise I'm definitely working my way up the thermometer. My previous thoughts of 'Travel Envy' have since passed. Now I'm about to begin my own journey I am happy for those who are off to different corners of the world. I'm excited for whats in store for me. I'm looking forward to hearing their tales, whetting my own travel appetite. 

I am of course, currently procrastinating from the packing I really should be doing. Its just a bit difficult to imagine wearing summer dresses and flip-flops when all I can see outside is rain and small patches of snow, which get smaller with every word I type.  But the thought of sand between my toes and the taste of creamy gelatos does spur me on. I think the lack of Vitamin D has taken effect. Luckily the dreaded 'Mountain Arse' has not. Despite the amount of chocolate, cakes and other delicious food types I have eaten to make up for lack of sunshine, I have done well not to get ridiculously large.

Hotham has been an up and down experience. I guess you'd kind of figure considering I'm on an isolated mountain for four months straight. I've finally learnt how to snowboard. I maybe haven't gotten out on the slopes as much as I would have liked, though I have improved so much since I first started. I have had some great evenings with fabulous people. I have lived somewhere with the most incredible backdrops and sunsets. I have even begun to believe that any temperature between 7 and 12 degrees is 'hot'. I have been doing something in Australia I didn't even think existed. The Victorian Alps have been pretty good to me. Proving that this country really does have everything. 

I still have many different things to encounter here. I've kickstarted the adventure beautifully. I now have what I need to continue and find everything else that Australia has to offer. It's time to move on and I am so ready for it now. In the last four months I have changed in such an amazing way. I was so wary of everything here. I wasn't even sure if what I was doing was right. I was homesick. I was scared. I was a lot of things. 

Now I understand that life is there to be lived. Life is there to be a positive experience. Life is all about what you make of it. I know these are all such cliches, but they are also so so true. I think that maybe whatever comes tomorrow and on wards will change me even more. And I cannot wait. If I feel this much better now, Who knows just how great those changes will be in another six months.

I don't know what is going to happen. But I know that it will be good.