We Are All Human

It's true. The verdict is well and truly in. We are all human. (apart from those of us who are dogs,cats,fish etc) Most of you that ready this are human. And in being human we all make mistakes. We don't always know the cost of these mistakes. Maybe it's a friend, family member or relationship. 

Nine times out of ten you can be damn certain that what you did wasn't on purpose. The last thing we wanted to do in fact was cause pain onto somebody else. If we knew what consequences our apparent misjudgment would bring perhaps we would act differently. The point is we don't know. We have no idea. We are simply acting as we feel at the time and praying it works out for the best. When it doesn't we are made out to be the bad guy when really we just hoped the decision we made was right, in the long run, for all parties involved. 

On a first glance, our actions seem selfish or inconsiderate of others but by making the right decision for yourself is going to save a whole load of turmoil and grief in the end. Surely 'nipping it in the bud' straightaway is better than just going along with something for the sake of somebody else's short-term happiness. If you're going along for the ride hoping it will work out not only will you be miserable but so will everybody else.  If its not right, it's not worth the energy.

It's like ripping off a plaster. Do it quickly and as soon as possible and that's that. It's over. Done. There's no point in leaving it there. It's only going to get more attached and eventually more difficult to remove. It leaves that sticky mark on your skin that takes ages to get rid of. Eventually it goes away but it's nowhere near as easy. It's not like its even benefiting you anymore. It's not helping the healing process, its only hindering it. It's better to get rid of it and get some space to breathe. The quicker its done the quicker it can be forgotten about.  

If a situation is right, it's great to take time to decide. When your gut is already telling you it's not right, why hold on? When something is right you know. When it's wrong; you know. 

You don't always want to admit to the latter, but when you do it's better to let it go. Be honest and move on. Whats the use in doing something to please somebody else if it's not pleasing you? There is a lot to be said for being out for number one. Don't get me wrong I love my friends and family all dearly, but your life has to start with you. How do you think you're going to look after other people if you don't even have your own life together. 

• If you  love it, Do it...
• If you are happy, people in your life will be happy too
• It is Your life, do it your way

If you remember that you are just as important as anybody else people will be around you because they want to be. They know you and love you. You're not doing anything to please just them. I've got plenty of people in life that know me and are still in my life because they like my quirks. I've been honest with them and they appreciate that. I'm happy because I'm me. I've made a few mistakes, I've done silly things, I've tried to make people happy. But that wasn't right for me.

I will trust my gut instinct, no matter how hard my 'people pleasing' persona finds that. 

Remember to do things that please you, you'll find that other people will be pleased too.

Just a little Sprinkle

You know, I've realised that life is full of opportunity as long as you're willing to look for it. If you can't be bothered to get up out of your rut and change it, opportunities won't ever present themselves to you. If you keep thinking that what you currently have is what you'll have forever, that's exactly how life will be. A few months ago I took a chance because I felt like it was time for a change. I'm still living in Lorne, right by the beach, in a prime spot really, it's beautiful. But my job has changed. I'm finally doing what I want to do in life, what I trained to do five years ago, and not just in a hairdressing salon, where I'm slightly undervalued.  I'm an employee of a Nationwide Day Spa in Australia and I love it. I love what the company stands for and I love how it is run. This position is the start of bigger things for me for getting back into the industry, gaining some more experience and keeping up with all things beautiful, who knows what it might bring me for the future. but so far I'm hooked on Endota and I'm so happy to have this opportunity.

I'm no longer working in Hospitality, which is a great weight off my shoulders. Working two jobs that were equally as full on as each other was getting very intense and tiring for me. But now I'm truly doing what I love, so who Am I to complain. I have been through the training courses and have a few more coming up, with the likes of Dermalogica and am feeling like I now have my ticket into the industry after years of wishing and hoping it would finally happen, it has and I couldn't be happier. I have been granted the 'Endota Passport' which is giving me so many doors and here's hoping a really bright future, whether in Australia or worldwide. You cannot say fairer than that.


I didn't really know what it would mean to set out on the journey of finding myself when I left good ol' Blighty 17 months ago (yep, it's really been that long kids). I definitely didn't expect that I would be finding my career path and getting stronger in my profession. I had almost given up finding it all and lost my passion for what I had spent years training to do. But I'm in love with being a Spa Therapist. I hope that doesn't make me sound like a workaholic, but I've always been told that you should love your job, after all; it's where you spend 80% of your life, so happy work life surely equals a happy life life, right? I even want to take it upon myself to refresh my theory training on all the Anatomy and Physiology so I can impress people with my knowledge of the left Phalanges... ( no it's not just a mechanical backfire on a plane, Thanks Phoebe Buffay)

So this blog is just a nod to my future just letting it know that I'm ready for the next turn. I know I deserve for it to be the best it could be and I'm willing to keep working on it if it means it's delivering the good stuff. As for more travel, well those plans in the making too. I'm in no way giving up yet. My key words right now are Focus and Determination with a sprinkle of Happiness and Positivity. The world is out there and it's all mine if I want it.

Never Give Up On Your Dreams....

Journal 435 - Australia

Is it just me? Or does anybody else get that feeling of being so close but so so far away sometimes?
I'm certain I'm not the only one. Being ambitious can sometimes be a right pain in the backside. When you spend so much of your time working towards something and you get super close to the final goal it's actually more frustrating than when you first set out to achieve it. Like something in the world doesn't want you to succeed and keeps throwing petty obstacles in the way of what you want.

It just seems that the slow struggle is just getting longer and longer. I am currently trying to figure out so many little problems in my head that the closer I get the further I am from any kind of solution. None of the problems are particularly bad ones, just annoying niggly things that require excuses that tend to be the same over and over again, but still never being any less true. Like when somebody asks you why you didn't meet a deadline. It's genuinely because you had to drive miles across the country to visit a sick aunt and care for them, but this has happened for the last three deadlines and now you're getting worried that the other person just thinks you're crying wolf.

 Me being ever the optimist I'm trying to look for the silver lining. For example, my week has been great in that I just landed a great new job, working in a Day Spa. The plus sides to this are of course extra money, coming home smelling of essential oils and feeling relaxed and serene. Plus I'll have experience in a Nationwide company that could open all sorts of doors. My only issue right now is the training I need to get to on Monday morning. It's in the city and I have to be there at 9.30, the first bus leaves at 7 from where I am and won't get me in on time. Trivial I know! But I simply have to get there. I'll get into trouble otherwise. I know it will work out and I will get there. I have an over active imagination though and am thinking of all the best possible ways I could get there. Flying in on a dragon has been one of them. So you see worry does the strangest things to my brain cells.

I know it's time to take a deep breath and think logically about my situation I'm sure by doing that I will come to a great conclusion and all will be perfect. I tend to over think on these occasions and believe the worst could happen... Like going to the city on a dragon, that thing is clearly going to toast me and eat me for breakfast. If I'm calm though I'll instead be able to tame the dragon and end up having a really cool pet.

I am super excited for this new venture though, it really couldn't come soon enough. I'm already running before I can walk and thinking of all the possibilities this job is going to hold for me. I'm hoping for great things. Experience being the priority for now. I've learnt that things don't always come that easily and working from the bottom is what you have to do. Part of me feels that at 24 I should already be there and shouldn't be making tea and taking bookings and all the grotty jobs. I'm qualified it's on paper. But paper and ink means nothing really. Of course legally its very handy but most employers are looking for you to have experience. And you only get that by making tea. Apparently. Still I'm grown up and mature now, I understand that this is the way of life. Start slowly and work hard for your ambition. I have the patience and drive now to put up with the little things. In the grand scheme I know that people will appreciate my tea and coffee making skills.

At least I know what it is I want to do in life now.The's one thing I can tick off the list. I've found my happy, all I need is to make it a permanant fixture in my life. I know people of all ages who still have no clue. Flitting from dream to dream to find the right fit. It doesn't matter when you find the right dream, so long as when you do find it, you stick to it and never give up. All you need is to believe in yourself. They are your goals and your only job is to look after them and keep them alive. A phrase I love in life is 'Shoot for the moon, even if you miss you'll land in the stars...' Even if you don't get to exactly where you want to be you'll still end up higher than you were at the start. And that's better than staying in the same place. Besides, Maybe the moon is where you want to be, but the stars are where you might just need to be.

So here I am for the second time in nine months realising that no matter what different things I try to do, I'm going to end up in the career I have always really known to be the the one I'll do for life. There is no point in denying this to myself and trying to fit into somewhere that I am simply going to 'make do' with. Now I've been granted to right to know what makes me happy in life I'm going to take it by the horns and run with it. I expect I might have a few hiccups along the way. Or a few breaks but now my mind is no longer searching for what I want I can put my heart into it fully and and start mapping out the details of the next steps.

Bring it on life.

Journal 421 - Australia

I have been contending with another bout of 'writers block' this last month or so. Partly due to the fact that I have had nothing overly exciting to share of late. I have become settled into a regime that I can't currently get myself out of because of factors that I could have avoided becoming part of the equation at all had I gone about things a little differently. That of course said with the benefit of hindsight. Something I often find is that case when I do things. Hindsight is always the smarty pants that shows me what I should have done a few weeks after I didn't do it.

I'm positive I'm not the only one who does that. I tend to find myself swept up in a moment that doesn't really benefit me when it comes to future plans, no matter how much fun it seems at the time. You might say I'm kicking myself for where I am right now, which is still in Lorne. I know that I shouldn't really. I should suck it up and deal with the cold. I say cold, it's Australia's version of cold. Taking into consideration that i's still 16 degrees during the day, a temperature I'm more than happy being in a scarf, jumper and legwarmers these days, and is only a mere 4 degrees cooler than the temperatures at home, where I'm sure most are quite comfortably wearing T-shirts and almost preparing to bare legs and toes.

But, it is still pretty here. I have seen some beautiful sunsets, the occasional sunrise and I'm still looking forward to explore and find out what other natural gems this area has to offer. I'm far from unhappy or in a dive of a place. In fact, now the tourists have ceased it's much easier to recognise faces that belong to people who do live here throughout the year. Which is always handy on a Friday night when you're looking for a partner in crime to join you at the local. But in truth I'm trying to keep my head down as much as possible. I'm so close now to being able to set up camp in the back of my van. A few finishing touches, primarily a comfortable mattress, is all I really need to get myself of the road. That and a bit of cash. And I am getting so ready to leave this part of the adventure behind. I can't remember the last time I got my camera out to take a picture of something really new and interesting. It's been the same landscape for three months now.

I'm trying just to look ahead. Think about how rewarding it's going to be knowing that I have plenty of savings behind me and a comfortable place to rest my head after a long day on the road. I'm getting excited for the new sights that are around the corner. I'm looking forward to having a carefree attitude to travelling, with my only issue being finding somewhere at the end of the day with enough light to set up the camp stove, but not so much that the cracks don't shine through the window when I'm sleeping. Also figuring out which direction will be the best to go in, East or West, Left or Right. I'm pretty sold on the whole ' Tequila Sunrise on the Beach' side of things. But my inner Snow Bunny is craving some powder and a warm Apple Cider. I'm seeing my current situation, albeit one that has gone on a little longer than originally planned, as a benefit. It gives me more time to plan out what I'm doing and not go about it too haphazardly, resulting in Hindsight showing its 'Too Clever For It's Own Good' face and laughing hysterically at me for being unprepared.

My current placing is not one of complacency, it is one of preparation and sensibility. I am most definitely not in a rut. I know for sure I want to move on as soon as I can. But I also have to make sure the time is right first. I'm looking ahead again, but at the same time trying to enjoy the moment as much as I can.

Journal 371

Things are slowing down in Lorne as winter begins to set in. Yesterday was practically a ghost town. The rain was falling and there was not a soul in the street. It was certainly a far cry from the thriving hustle and bustle of last week. Of course in the state of Victoria, come April/May the atmosphere changes. Unlike the Northern states, this one has changes in the seasons. The temperatures plummet and in some parts there is even snow.

I thought about what I was doing this time last year. My weekend in Byron Bay, which honestly seems like years ago. Funny how that happens, memories fade into a hazy blur and you lose perception of exactly how, where or when certain events took place. But as long as all the good memories are all stung together I don't think it matters. My hay blur is full of great things, not just from the past year but many other things; nights out with friends, family meals, my first stint living away from home, causing havoc on yachts and swimming in the harbour at 2 am. All the exciting things that make me glad I'm doing what I'm doing.

I realised I'm absolutely free to do anything that I wouldn't ordinarily dream of. I'm already out of my comfort zone, so I may as well push myself a little further out of it and push the boundaries. Make mistake and learn by them, finding out things about myself I didn't know and maybe (hopefully) become a better person for it. After all, who's there to judge me or stop me? Only me really. I'm the only one who's going to say no. I'm trying to be the best version of myself, so by doing new things and occasionally being the worst version I won't achieve that. So long as I learn from the bad things that it's not how I want to be, then I figure I'm improving.

What a great way to understand yourself, by leaving your comfort zone. Testing your strengths and weaknesses, evolving in ways you never thought you could. It's a wonderful form of enlightenment, you grow personally and you begin making connections to people that are unlike yourself. When you do something out of character for you, its highly likely that it is within the character of another, meaning you can empathise with a broader range of people. You can share your wisdom knowledgeably about the situation. Having these experiences has great social perks. You can spark conversations with people and right then, you make a new relationship with a new person.

I love talking to people with intelligence, it makes me feel smarter. You may not think intelligent people are very common these days. Perhaps that's only because you don't share a common ground with them. The more you have experienced in life the more you have to talk about and in turn the more people to talk about it with. You know when you talk to somebody you just met, but it feels like you've known them for years? I think that's the underlying 'common ground'. You can both sense its there which is why you talk with such ease. Maybe I'm talking utter shit, but I do think there are people who get that feeling more than others and those people I also believe are the ones who are more open-minded. Not just about the thought of different experiences, but because they have actually been in those situations. I know a couple of people who I would describe as 'Older than their years' Absolutely fascinating people. The type I would be happy to converse with for days. They have done more than your average 'twenty-something' and it shows in the way they hold themselves and their conversation.

I get the feeling that these people are often finding strangers, but had that 'common spark' ignited.

Journal 370 - Australia

Over a year has passed.
This morning I was looking through old photos, the kind which used to bring me a kind of sadness. But today I looked at them and remembered what was good. Not in a way that meant I wanted that life back, but in a way that meant I was happy that I had good memories, that I could keep hold of the good ones without letting the bad ones cloud it anymore.

Last night I changed my hair colour. This might not seem that monumental to some of you, but for me, my hair colour has always had a huge impact on me. How I'm feeling, what I do, who I am to an extent. about eighteen months ago, all I wanted to do was be a blonde. I felt it would be a great way to get rid of who I was at that time. To start afresh and be somebody I hadn't been for almost three years. We all go through those phases. Well I went through the transition of dark, to red to ginger to blonde. So finding myself took a fair few attempts and bottles of dye. but it happened. Then a few weeks ago, I decided change was on its way again. I was in fact attempting a trick I had read on Google, to make my hair a permanent shade of lilac. However after leaving the dye on for a little too long I have ended up with dark, plum coloured hair.

I'm not worried about the mistake at all. In fact, I think its better that I lost track of time and ended up with a result I was't expecting. I suit being dark. I'm happier and more confident with dark hair. In the last few weeks as a blonde, I had started to notice my self esteem issues were becoming more apparent. I was realising they were there, which is never a good sign. I suppose you might think I'm silly for that way of thinking, but whatever, I decided a confidence boost was in order.

Then last night my housemate came in from work and decided she was going to give me a makeover and photo-shoot. Which was fun. She fascinates me with what she can do with a make-up brush. Its made me realise I could certainly put more effort into my own appearance. This coupled with a conversation I had with Jay, about life goals and dreams I have thought more about studying. To follow my passion again with Special Effects/ Stage Make-up. I may be 24 now, but it's never too late to learn new things. And if these learning curves are the beginning of following your dreams then there is even more reason to do it.

I'm beginning to feel like I'm getting closer to what I set out to do in the first place; finding my place and goals. Finding my passion. Being on my own has helped that. You can only go along with somebody else's plan for so long. If you don't make time for what you want, eventually you forget. Don't make it too late before you are reminded of it and start thinking along the lines of 'What If'. Nobody wants to be resented . Be who you are and be loved by people who encourage the growth of who you are.

Journal 365 - Australia.

Today is another new start for me. At the start of the week I was totally unsure as to whether I would be staying in Australia or having to fly home to the UK and not being prepared for the latter at all. I had a huge panic. With my possessions being dotted across the borders of Victoria and New South Wales, I knew that I would have no time to arrange my things and pack and go home. Part of that was knowing that I didn't really want to do that. But I had been leaving things to the last minute, meaning that I hadn't applied for my second year Visa yet and time was running out.

As some of you may know, the Visa applications over here can be a little tricky at times. You have to stick to the guidelines and do what you're told. One of those guidelines states that you must be in the country you were in at the time of application, when your visa is granted. Which is why I was panicking. Did i go home and apply for the visa there, or risk the potential three week waiting time for paperwork to be processed and apply here in Australia. This dilemma niggled at me for a few days. Then after a few tantrums and a trip to Melbourne later, I applied on Wednesday morning. In about ten minutes, easy peasy.

Then for the waiting game. The sick feeling and thoughts of rejection running through my head. It was not fun. Then of course realisiation dawned that I STILL hadn't packed for my flight. Which I was determined not to take. besides, I couldn't leave the country now. It wasn't the most pleasant 12 hours I had experienced. The next morning, I checked my Emails. And there it was, my Grant for an extra twelve months.

The feelings I had were not dissimilar to the ones I had experienced around this time last year, when I had applied for my first year. I had to check it, and double check it, then double check it a few more times. You might say I was in disbelief. In less than a day my Visa had been granted. All my panic was unnecessary. My shock continued most of the day. I joked to my sister about not getting it, that the Immigration wanted me to go in for an interview, because of a few problems they had encountered. It was a little cruel but still funny. (Sorry Lou-Lou)...

But this morning I'm in the stage of excitement. Working out where to go next, what I'm going to see. I'm still in Lorne right now. Its a pretty little town, but the rain has begun to set in. Winter is coming. I would be happy for winter if there was a chance of going to the snow, but I have no work just yet, so once I've earnt some money, I think I will chase the sunshine. Head to the coasts and stick to the beaches., after all, I can't come all this way without at least trying to surf, can I?

But a piece of advice to anybody wanting to travel, make sure you are completely organised. I'm not saying plans have to be set in stone, you never know where the mood will take you, who you will meet or what you'll love doing the most. But when it comes to paperwork, flights, and all the 'boring' stuff, never leave it to the last minute.

journal 354 - Australia

Its been a month since I last wrote. On paper at least. I've had a lot happening. Over this last month I have moved put of the security of my sister and brother in law. I'm making a start on my own. I have a job, a car, a place to stay. I'm basically just relying on myself now. I have just turned another year older. I'm twenty-four.

It wasn't a lavish, monumental celebration. I had a beer and some cake and that really, was all. It was pleasant. This is the first birthday I've had without family or friends. It also made me realise how my perspective has changed. My life plan has changed, from back when I was seventeen, thinking I'd be engaged by now, married by twenty-five and having children by twenty-six. Because at seventeen I already thought I had done all there was to do, and knew the important stuff.

Wrong. Of course I was. At seventeen, twenty four was ancient. Now I'm here I realise its not even close. I didn't know then that my tastes would change or that I would want to see the world, snowboard, surf and make friends in different places. I didn't realise then how young I was. I don't realise now how young I still am probably.

I have realised how important it is to take in each moment though. Not to put a time limit on achieving the things you want to do in life. Each thing happens as and when it is meant to. Its time to focus on one thing in its entireity first, before rushing on to the next thing, with no appreciation for the last.

Since turning twenty four, I've decided to focus more on myself and the things I am doing. To travel properly and enjoy each and every moment. To focus on my health, for example, a year ago, I was going to quit smoking. I didn't. I used to go to the gym a few times a week. I've stopped. I want to be healthy, fit, presentable. I want more memories than I can actually fit in my head. I want to improve myself. Call these my new years resolutions. I know most people do these at the start of the new year, in January. But this is the start of my new year. Lets see how far I can go in 365 days.

Journal 325 - Australia

I love how I'm always making new plans these days. My head is constantly full of goals and dreams. I think it is so important to aim high. Sometimes even higher than you think you are capable of. There's a much higher chance that you will surprise yourself, there is no other way to do it. When you continually set the bar to a 'manageable level, that's all you'll be, just managing and nothing more. Try raising the bar for a change. Aim higher than the level you believe to be your personal best. Ultimately the only person you need to beat is yourself. Even becoming 1% better than you were yesterday is an achievement. But why stop there... Why not be 2%, better still, 10%!?

We started chatting last night, as we often do. Plans of taking over the world, like Pinky and the Brain. I'm not sure who is who mind. My brain got ticking and I became so inspired by our conversation. We were talking about Beauty Blogging and research. writing reviews on products we love. Within five minutes we were going global, taking over all the Beauty pages in every corner, everywhere. Or at least we were in my head. It got me thinking about how good this would be for my career. Using this opportunity to stay in the loop and learn new things about the products I would be using day to day within my chosen field, as a Beauty Therapist and Make-Up Artist. Using knowledge I already have to find out the best products for my skin and for others too.

 I'm going to write about my passion; Make-up and fashion. Maybe not all the time but most certainly a weekly round up on products I've used or outfits I've worn. With H's help I think we could be quite the success, Perhaps even the new Trinny and Suzannah!! When it takes off, we could easily be world wide. Getting freebies to sample and going to the Amazon Rainforests to test a new found oil found in Bay leaves that are guaranteed to give you an instant face-lift and abs to envy Hercules... Or at least a more feminine equivalent.

I'm hoping we can get other companies and Fashion and Beauty buffs on board too, start spreading the word about Chasing Life. It may have started out as a Fun Facebook page, but dreams can always become a lot bigger than you imagined, and I know that this one is destined to travel way beyond just our little heads.

I'm so inspired and excited to begin trying new things and getting back into fashion. Getting contacts along the way and maybe even rubbing shoulders with the beautiful people of the red carpet. I love to travel too, so having another reason to go out there and see whats on offer in different countries is going to be a really great adventure. It gives me another element to write about too. I will be starting up a new blog on all things Fashion, and perhaps I'll even start focusing on dedicating a separate page to Travel reviews too.

So stay tuned for updates in my changing blog posts. If you like what you are reading, head over to facebook.com/ChaseChoice and like our page

<3 A x

Journal 324 - Australia

Wow. These last few days have been a test. Not in a bad way, it's all very positive, honestly.
over the weekend I decided that I needed an answer, one that would put me in the place I needed to be. I really really thought hard about what would improve my situation and get me on my feet, moving around again and being the traveler I set out to be. Live life as a proper backpacker with less reliance on the base I have become so comfortable with over the last 10 months. I knew I needed to get out on my own and begin to experience life properly, see what I wanted to and not be so limited in my locations. I decided I needed to make this trip my own and do what I wanted to do.

After all I have this completely at my disposal being a lone traveler. I was not using the essence of being single to its advantage. So I asked for help in putting me in the right place at the right time. And it came so much more quickly than I imagined it would. I wrote a few things down that I knew needed to happen. I wrote down that I wanted to be in a place where I could start working, by Wednesday. As little as two hours had passed and I had a missed call on my phone. This call put me where I am now. Sitting on a balcony with sea views and sunshine.

The call was from a man in Lorne, on the Great Ocean Road. He was looking for a 'house sitter', or at least somebody to help him and keep the place tidy for as long as they would be able to stay. Of course, I was a little dubious at first. I'd placed the ad on Gumtree and so far just had ridiculous requests from people who were just wasting my time. But I knew I had a good feeling about this. Still, its always sensible to have your head set right in these situations, so I asked for some more information, for example, references and the like. You never can be too sure when you a stranger calls you can you?

But everything appeared to check out and I made my way, first to Melbourne and then further along the coastal road. Something I was worried about mostly was trying to find work in this new coastal town. Lou told me that it would all be fine, that I was heading where I needed to and that there was going to be a job waiting for me. And sure enough within half and hour of landing in the town, I landed a job trial in a funky Bar/Restaurant. Only a trial but that happened so fast I'm pretty confident that so long as I do the right thing on the night I will have a job. And possibly after that be paying rent too. The place has rooms available upstairs. I'll be a proper grown up and stuff.

So far so good. I've only been here for a few days but I feel great. I feel independent. I've spoken to a few new people and heard stories from different walks of life. A great reason to couch-surf, finding people in other cities and sharing stories of travelling and life experience from people who have a genuine interest on what you have seen and been through. And getting inspiration from them in return.
This morning I spoke to a lady, I'll call her Zen, as that is originally what I thought she said her name was. She was a very Spiritual and Intuitive woman. We shared a common interest in Angel Card readings and creativity, both musically and the type you can produce with a paintbrush. We spoke for a few hours over a couple of cups of tea and she gave me a copy of a painting she had made, simply because I said I really liked it. I was touched, I thought it was incredibly sweet of her. It struck me how genuine this woman seemed to be too. She didn't profess to be anything that she was not.

How lovely would it be if more people in the world were like that? A what you see is what you get attitude. Being genuine really takes no effort at all. Its not the sort of thing that is likely to catch up with you. You never have to be careful about anything you may have said to anybody being different to what you said to another. You can't get caught out if you are being genuine. She also got me thinking of things that I wanted. As I said she was quite intuitive. I pulled out a card from the deck of cards I was reading from. It was 'Practise'. She noticed that I had only skim read the meaning to it, where the others I had perused with more interest. I shrugged it off saying I'd had the card come out a few times and knew what it meant. She put another spin on it and asked why I thought I had got it on repeat and that perhaps I needed to take more notice of what it meant. She asked what I thought it was that I needed to practice and I told her I honestly didn't know. And I don't. All I know is that I will find out. This card was in the future section of my reading. I don't know when I will put whatever it is into practice. With the right timing though, I'll understand what it is. My main inkling is that it's to do with merely practicing life, in finding my direction and what it is that I intended to find on my travels.

This all still feels totally like the right thing to be doing. I feel contented with the start of this new adventure. It's so far un-ravelled beautifully and sure enough, one step at a time it will continue to do so. I know I didn't want to keep plodding along the way I was. It was getting boring. I have a new sense of adventure and independence. I'm getting out there with a fresh perspective and a willingness to allow plenty of new situations and experiences to shape my learning curve of life. I have finally realised I have the whole word at my feet. I'm ready to start growing as a person. I'm ready to use these wings to fly.

Journal 316 - Australia

My last day before a new chapter.

I've always enjoyed the excitement that a new venture can bring. Even though I've not found the new venture just yet, I still think that's part of the journey. Deciding whats coming next. I get to explore lots of different options, imagine myself in different situations. I get to let my imagination run off and create all sorts of scenarios that right now could well be possible. I'm currently going through the processes of job hunting, which is something I find mind-boggling. Hours of internet searching, uploading resumes. Being overwhelmed by the amount of jobs you could apply for, or in some cases underwhelmed and disappointed to the point that you end up applying for a job in McDonalds because frankly, it's all too much. Which is exactly what I have done. And I've been turned down.

Despite this though, the ideas and directions are shaping up nicely. I have a confidence that will not be broken. I may not have an immediate job yet, but it has kick started my applications to Hotham for a second winter and various other options too. Like working on an Island of Paradise by the Great Barrier Reef. The important thing is that I'm motivated. Even if it is 10.30 am and I'm still sitting in my Pyjamas. I'm blaming that on the fact I've not had my coffee yet and I don't function without it. Still, I feel I have been productive. I have made phone calls and placed ads. My next step is to write up my plan. Some goals and ideas of what I might like to do.

In a few days I'm going off for a weekend of live music. Which I cannot wait for. I get to spend time in the city and see bands that I grew up listening to. It also fulfills my resolution to see more live music. I think 6 bands in one day is a pretty good start?! I would also like to see what work there is in Melbourne, even though this isn't essential. I just feel it would be beneficial for me to find a new location for the next part of life.

I'm travelling, and that to me says independence. It says growing up and standing on your own two feet. I want to discover more, come up against some obstacles and learn how to deal with them in my own way. Today I realised that in some way or other I have always been supported. This is both a blessing and a vice. I'm grateful for all the help, but at almost twenty-four I do feel I should have achieved more by now. Most of my friends have steady jobs, houses and other such things. Now I'm not saying I want my career or marriage or a mortgage, I'm just saying I'd like to up my maturity levels.

Some might say I'm already quite mature, but lets face it; Maturity isn't judged on how long it takes for somebody to laugh when another says the word 'Willy'. (I'll bet you just chuckled didn't you?) But it also is not solely based on your job prospects, degrees, relationships are either. In fact everybody gains maturity from different aspects of life. I'm planning to gain mine during the rest of my travels, by branching out, going out on a limb. By only seeing my support network as a fall-back in case of ire emergencies. I think it would be fairer and easier on everybody if I become independent. I don't want to end up going through life being expectant of other people, it's somewhat disrespectful.

I hope this will make me more worldly, give me some more common sense and also some self respect. Help to understand how I like things to be done and find out the reasons why others like to have things done a certain way too. I'll have respect for myself, other people, other peoples things too.
After all, that's the idea of travelling. Learning about direction, maps, cultures and becoming open to things that you thought were far off even your wildest dreams.
Travelling is about making friends in different languages.
Travelling is about growth.
Travelling is reaching limits, and pushing past even those.
Travelling is finding yourself.
Travelling is respect.

Journal 311

Things changed again. News that set me into discomfort, but at the same time put me at ease. It meant I could let go of worries. I knew I'd had a warning before. but I'd taken no notice until I had proof, but now it was there, plain as day and it's time to face the music. Things, people, everything really, is moving along and it's time I really truly did the same.  I'm almost done at the farm, and then I can begin to consider applying for my second year. Which is something that has a much higher chance of happening in the next few months than it ever has before. The thought of applying straight away is more appealing at present than going home and applying at a later stage. Now is the time. Whats left for me there is nothing compared to whats awaiting me here.

Its all so small. I didn't know why I didn't see it before, but another shift in perspective has got me dreaming and looking further, at the bigger picture if you will. There is no future in looking back. It's impossible to move forwards if you are always thinking about what is behind you. There are many possibilities and experiences ahead. More sights, places, tastes, people to meet, dreams to fulfill. Not something I can now imagine doing in one place. It would be impossible to have my life enriched by the place I call home right now.

'The world is a book, and those who do not travel, read only a page'. Yes, I am travelling. I have certainly read more than one page so far, but in truth, I've barely touched the first chapter. I've been skim-reading this whole time. I've not taken in the stories. I've not let the plot develop or fallen in love with the characters just yet. It's time to let it thicken. Read between the lines and really get a grasp on the true story line. I'm ready to be speechless by the twists and turns and unexpected scenes. I'm ready for this book to leave me utterly gobsmacked at the outcome.

So perhaps I'll stay a little longer, catch a few waves, look at the stars. Dream a little more and aim a little higher. I'll get lost inside the pages. This story has the potential to be so intense, you'll never want it to finish....

Journal 304 - Austrailia

Right, just a quick post. Maybe

So a few days ago I was feeling pretty sad about my situation. Things were not happening as planned and I was definitely not happy, but in the last few days things have happened and I have progressed past this little hiccup. I thought perhaps I needed to put more effort in myself to improve my situation, which is exactly what I have done. No use in feeling sorry for myself and blaming all my problems on others at the end of the day. I realised that things can go both ways.

I have also had a lot of events and news happen that have made me feel more positive recently. The impending visit from my parents being one of them. I was at such a low, but this news on it's own has really changed my view. In less than a week my Mum and Dad will be touching base in Australia. Flying thousands of miles and making near enough the same trip that both myself and my sister have made, to the land of Opportunity. I wonder what opportunities lie here for both of them, whether it will change their outlook, or give them different goals or pathways.

This news hasn't much changed my plans or intentions, but it has given a different perspective. Knowing that they will be here and possibly convincing me that I need to stay in this country, or at least not return back to the UK to settle for the better. The next few weeks will not be easy to make excuses for my want to return home. And to be honest, I have no excuses as such, Only homesickness and a desire to see my friends.

I also spoke to one of my lovely ladies earlier today. She is also in the same boat as me, in that she has left our hometown and is starting afresh, for the better, in a new life and country. She too has left the drama behind to make herself a better life. She, like many other people in my life recently, told me that I seemed so much happier, better off, relaxed... All these other positive changes I have made since going away ten months ago. She told me how proud she was, and I realised I felt the same toward her.
It takes a hell of a lot of courage to pick up and leave everything you know behind. I said to her that sometimes I wish I could pick up everybody that mattered and plonk them right here, with me, in Australia. We would probably all be so much better off if I could. Minus the spiders....

The point is though, I'm feeling more content now. Things have settled here. The atmosphere is so much better and my mind is somewhat more settled. As most of you know, my mind changes more than most of you have had hot dinners, so for me to be settled is saying a lot. We shall see how long this lasts. By tomorrow I'm sure Something will have changed my mind and I will be writing about something entirely different.

But for now, contentment is in play. I have confidence that only good things are coming. I mean, how can I not, with all the positive energy and good news that has been flying around/in the past twenty-four hours. Things are on the up. I'm a happy bunny and looking forward to the great times that are ahead.

When something gets you down, try to think of the positive. You. never know how much it might turn around

xx

Journal 300 - Australia

'Sometimes in life, there are people who don't like you. These people are dicks.' Or at lease that is something I tweeted last night.

The truth is, that they aren't really dicks as such, its just that they have problems of their own. Problems that they cannot comprehend themselves. They can't deal with the stresses in their lives so they tend to take it out on somebody else. Perhaps somebody that they see as a person who has it good, that can take all of their shit. Of course the problem with that is, that generally, they don't know what is going on in the other persons mind or life. But because they can't see it, or don't know about it, its seems fine to attack them.

I'm not normally bothered when somebody has an issue with me. If an individual doesn't like me, then that's ok. What grates me is when they have no real reason for it. I know a lot of us will say 'I just don't like him/her' and have no reasons or explanations as to why. But I certainly prefer to know when I have upset somebody. Its better for all the parties involved that way. When you don't like somebody, it rarely only effects you and that person. It branches out and makes everybody else around you uncomfortable too. Like, when you don't like your best friends other friend, it makes it awkward to go to a social gathering when you know they will be attending. Then when you turn up, the atmosphere changes and there is a distinct tension that every other guest notices.

It has become apparent that somebody doesn't much like me. We both always knew that we didn't get along greatly, but now things have become that bad that the situation is quite uncomfortable. To the point where I don't even feel welcome here. I arrived feeling like what I had done in the last few days, quitting my job, concentrating on the farm and going from there once I was done, was a great decision. I had it mapped out. I didn't bank on all the drama that I would be involved in though. I at least hoped that we could remain civil.

Of course, if I knew what I had done wrong and had a chance to fix it, things would be different. We could smooth it over and deal with the situation. Unfortunately, I'm not sure that's going to be the case. I don't really know what to do now, there's a snag in the plan I had and I didn't really come up with a Plan B, just in case. I guess the only thing I can do is hope for the best and trust that everything will work out. We all have to deal with the bumps on the track, and this is just one of those. The silver lining I suppose is that it can only really get better from here. And it will, I am still in the land of dreams, where anything has seemed possible so far. I won't let this get me down, because there is no point to that.

When you come across a hard time in life, you have to just do your best to turn it around. Right now that's all I can do, look for the better things in the situation and concentrate on them. In a few weeks time I will be able to apply for my second year visa and be free to travel and make more memories. Start planning the next adventures and be in a place I really want to be.

Journal 299 - Australia

No matter how difficult something seems at first, there is always an option. Always a direction. You can always come out smiling. If it seems difficult now, just believe that the right thing is on its way. It may not be what you thought, hut sometimes the unexpected is better than what you thought you wanted.

I knew something was coming, a change. I actually thought it was going to land me in the shit, if I'm honest. But its potentially about to do the opposite. I have just been searching for the answer to a question and in the last five minutes I have been given it. Some advice I was given is good, its shaken me up and pushed me onto the path that, at least for the short-term, I needed to be on. I don't have long-term answers yet, bit that's not a problem for now.

Everything seemed out of reach, impossible almost, when I woke up this morning. After I took some time for myself to think, it was clear. Now I can see the future unravelling. I have little time left on the farm and after that I can go to the city, maybe stay there for a little while, make somenoney.

no job should ever hold you back. The same with family, friends, lovers. Being out for yourself is important. I know I say this a lot, but I have to, so I remind myself of it. Otherwise I go off track. I forget to follow ny own advice, so I tell other people, in the hope that I will stop watching the world go by, and instead, will let it sweep me up and flow along with it.

I don't want to hold on to the things I think I want. If those were meant to be, I would have them already. No, instead I want to be shown the things I didn't know I wanted. The suprises that make my days special. I believe the unexpected things tend to mean the most, from an spontaneous night out with friends, to a suprise parcel you didn't know was coming. They're what put a smile on your face all day, that make you thankful.

So, stop searching for what you want, instead take time to look our for things you weren't expecting. You never know what you might get if you begin to stray from your preferences and go left instead of right. Take yourself out of your comfort zone. Your future might just thank you for it.

Journal 280 - Australia

This morning I read my Angel Cards. This is often something I like to do. It clears my head and straightened things out. Occasionally I don't like the outcome, but generally I feel content. The answers given today were the latter. Exercising, creativity, following my heart, water and talking about feelings. A few of these were repeat cards, meaning I really did need to get my butt in gear and follow these cards.

I am currently debating on a change of scenery. I'm halfway through my farm work, but I'm feeling its time to find somewhere new. I feel, again, like I've lost some independence somewhere along the way. I'd like something for me, something new. I'd like a little more income as I can't continue living on what I do now. I'd like a fresh experience, new people, new sights. A change. After all I'm travelling, I'm not supposed to be in one place. The farm work is designed to help you move from place to place. I'm classified as a 'backpacker' and I'm hardly doing any backpacking.

In truth, I've had no need to spread my wings. Having family here to fall back on makes it all to easy to stay in one place, even more so taking a job in the place. But work shoukdnt be keeping me somewhere, I can find work anywhere in the country. Its nothing like at home where there are barely any opportunities. There's plenty of those here and I've been letting them pass me by. But as the say, one door closes and another opens.

Teddy told me ' you're able to explore each door or window that opens til you find something that works for you. Just enjoy the ride and journey'. And once again, teddys words of wisdom are so true. Sometimes doors get closed on you, sometimes you close them yourself but that's because the time has or is coming to open a new one.

I think everyone that experiences this knows how to tell that change is coming. It feels normal, it feels right. Its scary even when its not scary at all.

I know its time, I've had the symptoms and been through the motions. Its time to close this door, head down the corridor and find out what's going on without me behind the next one.

Journal 266 - Australia

It's Monday morning, I'm not sure f I've woken up hungover or still drunk. Day five (or maybe more) of non-stop drinking. I knew I wouldn't be able to leave it alone out here. I have been more strong-willed than I thought but obviously not enough to avoid Sunday-Funday with drinking games from 4.30, shots by 5 and jumping in the river by 7pm.

Yep, my head is definitely still spinning. It's been an odd few days. New people have been coming and going and I have not been my usual confident self. I've been lacking. Not quite all there. I've had silly thoughts in my head. My list of goals were off to a good start. I was smiling more, chatting more. Then it all stopped, I couldn't be bothered anymore. I didn't see the point in trying to make a good first impression. It wasn't worth it. I'd already screwed that up with somebody that mattered. I went into one of my holes again.The place had become a bit crazy and I couldn't handle it. There has been so much drama happening and it's almost been too much for me.

Then I got another bout of homesickness. It was rather overwhelming again this time. I'd gotten over it and was happy having contact with a select few friends on a regular basis. Then a few others began popping up. People I hadn't spoken to in a few months. It got my brain ticking again.
I had thought I'd crossed that bridge. I now realise I am in fact, well and truly on it. I also know I don't have any real desire to get off of it now. The tiniest thing just gave me a glimmer of hope. A rush of excitement for a possibility that might not even be there. In truth, it really doesn't matter right now.

What happened has just pulled me up emotionally and made me feel a lot better in a sense. I needed that. I was afraid I might end up carrying on with my self-confidence plummeting. I'm not sure this person knows who they are but they have done me the world of good just now. Now I just want to carry on in this state. I can't stand being at a low. Perhaps it's just been a heightened sense of cabin fever. Two weeks on this crazy farm is a long time. A break from it is healthy sometimes.

Maybe I won't give up on this again. I'll hold onto it because it makes me happy, for now at least. I'll get back on track with my goals. I can't worry what people are thinking. I will continue to give a good first impression. I hope anyway. Now things seem to have calmed down. I'll be having a break fairly soon. I'll be refreshed and ready to go again. I have plenty to look forward to and it feels like things are on the up.

I just had a little crazy relapse. Time for a bit of detoxing, both physically and emotionally.

Wish me luck.

Journal 252 - Australia

New Years Day. The beginning of another New Year. An opportunity to start afresh. Ill be honest, I don't really feel that fresh at all, I've only had about four hours of sleep, which was broken. And with my body clock I cannot sleep past eight am these days.

Still, last night was wonderful. A very small gathering, low key and not filled with any expectations, as is the norm for new years eve. Of course the 'low-key part was out the window once the spa was full and the boat pulled into the driveway with its sub-woofer speakers. Last night I rang in the New Year in my bikini in the spa with bubbles and alcohol. I could have gone to Sydney or another high profile city event, but I would have been alone and the memories would not have been the spa
As with every New Year that comes and goes, and even more so now I am getting older, I'm marveling at how fast that 365 days passes us by. This time last year I had only just made my plan to leave the UK and travel Australia. And now I'm eight months in. Scary stuff.

Each year I try to write down my goals/predictions for where I see myself that following year. They say if you write something down, you are more likely to achieve it. This last year I know I haven't achieved everything that was in that letter but it certainly helped me along.

• Try new things - The first one I wrote down. I have successfully become less picky with foods, I've snowboarded, wake-boarded, fed wild Kangaroos amongst many other things. 
• Go to Australia - Well this goes hand in hand with the first. I'm here right now, living and breathing it. When I first set out I though that a year would be my lot, that I would want to go home afterwards knowing that I had done it. I didn't expect I would want to travel anywhere else in the world. I thought I would go home and stay there for my whole life. 

But something has changed. By taking this first step, I have found that there are even bigger ones to make. That phrase, 'places to go, people to see' comes to mind. By travelling thousands of miles across the world I discovered there was more to life that small town politics. There's a world full of unknown dreams and sights that I never imagined possible. 

I'm not really one for New years resolutions. They always get broken. Its like an unwritten rule. I truly believe that when the time is right to change something, the time is right now, why wait for a 'New Year New Me'? But my list of goals for this year is hugely different to what it was last year. It's bigger. Last year was just the baby steps to what I am becoming. This year is set to be bigger, better and more exciting than any others. And hope all my lists in years to come only prove to out do each other. After all, it is merely my way of becoming the best version of myself that I can be. 

And who wouldn't want to be that person?